ever know he was still walking around in a sim rather than real life?” Nicolai sighed. “That’s what I feel like right now. So many things, looking back, turned out coincidentally perfect for me. I alone escaped the squad. I made my way across the ocean. I was in the final group to cross the NAU border before it closed to non-certified traffic. I ended up working with Isaac Ryan — right beside the man whose family, it seems, was waiting for me to show up and bring them what they wanted.”
“Mmm,” said Kai.
“I feel like I could be in a simulator like Whitlock. Because if I were in a simulation, then someone else could control what happened. Then I’d shrug at all those convenient things and say, ‘Oh well, it is what it is.’”
Kai put her palm flat to Nicolai’s cheek, cupping it. She turned him to look into her eyes. “That’s how life is, Nicolai. Things happen.”
“As if by plan.”
“Maybe there is a plan.”
“You don’t believe that.” She couldn’t possibly. Kai was a hooker assassin, not a philosopher. She had the heart of gold, all right, but her edges were plenty sharp. She was wealthy and in a position of power today but had lived a life that no one could envy. But then again, maybe the ends justified the means, and perhaps even jaded Kai sometimes saw it that way.
“You can’t tell me what I believe.”
He shook his head. “I shouldn’t be so needy. I’m sorry I’m not being a rock.”
She reached down and cupped an erection he didn’t realize he had.
“You’re rocklike enough.”
Nicolai laughed then stepped away.
Kai looked disappointed. After a moment, her expression changed to irritation. “Look,” she said, “I don’t want to tell you your business, but you’re missing a really obvious way to feel better here.”
“Kai…”
“Why did you invite me over, Nicolai?”
“You’re the only person who knows it all. And you’re the only person who might be able to relate.”
“I can’t relate at all,” she said. “Your father was pushed around by the Italian Mob and the Ryan family, and it seems like Micah has been pulling your strings since he met you. At the very least.”
“I meant to any of this. Who am I supposed to talk to about the Doc situation?”
“Kate. The Kate situation.”
“Whatever. I’m going to end up working for him now, you know. Not Doc; Micah. You already do. And if he knew what we…”
“He doesn’t.”
“But if he did…”
Kai shook her head. Everything she’d said since her last glance into the bedroom had been clipped and frustrated. She sounded like she was answering him because she had to, but she was being perfunctory and not really paying attention. Now she looked like her patience had finally worn through. She might joke about Nicolai not needing to be a rock, but she’d always admired his strength, and right now he didn’t have much of it.
“What, Nicolai? You think Micah is going to kill you after bringing you carefully along, after orchestrating your whole life and all? Don’t flatter yourself. Or rather, maybe do flatter yourself. Maybe you’re too important to kill. You were the first one released when we were in with Alix Kane. Oh, I’m sorry. You don’t remember Kane. I keep forgetting.”
They’d been through everything that had happened during the hole in Nicolai’s memory. “You’ve told me about him,” said Nicolai.
“And I’ve told you about how after you were gone, he gave the order to have me evaporated then resumed torturing Doc out of his mind.”
“That’s not fair. I can’t control what…”
“And I told you how they never put you on the Orion. Just me and Doc, who got the full treatment.”
Nicolai was about to reply, but he stopped himself. He wasn’t sure where this brewing argument was going, but he already seemed to be losing. He’d earned his spot as a top speechwriter thanks to his smooth
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