The Barrytown Trilogy by Roddy Doyle Page A

was being clapped but The Commitments weren’t hearing it. All Commitment eyes were burning Deco. This wasn’t what they’d rehearsed, at all.
    —Dean Fay on the sax there, righ’, an’ Joey The Lips Fagan on the trumpet. Joey on the horn, wha’. ——An’ they’re Tanya, Sonya an’ Sofia, The Commitmentettes. I’m Deco Blanketman Cuffe and we are The Commitments. This one’s called When a Man Loves a Woman.
    Deco climbed up on a vacant stool.
    —THU —CUDADUNG CUDADUNG CUDADUNG —
    Billy blammed out the Reach Out — I’ll Be There beat, then stopped. He got out from behind the drums and went across to the jacks.
    James played, then Derek, then Deco started to sing.
    —WHEN A MA — HAN LOVES A WO —
MAN——
    CAN’T KEEP HIS MIND ON NOTHIN’ EH — ELSE——
    HE’LL CHANGE THE WORLD —
    FOR THE GOOD THINGS HE’S FOU —HOUND——
    IF SHE’S BA —HAD HE CAN’T SEE —
IT———
    SHE CAN DO NO WRO — O — ON — NG——
    TURN HIS BACK ON HIS BEST FRIEND IF HE PUT HER DOWN ———
    It was beautiful. Jimmy blinked. The Commitments were forgiving Deco. Billy was still in the jacks though. The head barman sent a fourth pint over to Jimmy, and even one for Mickah.
    —WHEN THIS —
MAN LOVES THIS WO —
      MAN ———
    Outspan’s rhythm playing was just right here, light and jangly.
    —AN’ GIVES HER EVERYTHING ON EARTH ———
    Outspan swayed.
    —TRYIN’ TO HOLD ONTO ——
YOUR —
CROCK O’ GOLD ——
BABY—
PLEASE DON’T —
TREAT ME BA—AA—AA—AAD ———
    The crowd oohed.
    —WHEN A MA — HAN LOVES A WO —
MAN
    HE’LL BUY HER LOADS O’ SWE — EE — EETS ——
    HE’LL EVEN BRING HER TO STUPID PLACES LIKE THE ZOO — OO——
    HE’LL SPEND ALL HIS WAGES ON —
HER——
    BUT DON’T LET HIM SEE YEH LOOKIN’ AT HER——
    COS HE’LL GET A HAMMER AN’ HE’LL FUCKIN’ CREASE YOU ——
    No one laughed. It wasn’t funny. It was true.
    —YES WHEN A MA —HAN LOVES A
WO—MAN—
    I KNOW EXACTLY HOW HE FEEL — YELLS —
    COS —
    BABY —
    BABY —
    BABY
    I LOVE YOU ———
    It was over. The lights went off and on and off and on. Friends came up to congratulate The Commitments.
    —You’ve a great voice, a woman told Deco.
    —I don’t need you to tell me that, said Deco.
    Billy came out of the jacks. Before he could be asked if he was alright, he’d made it over to his drums and picked up a stick. He stepped over to Deco and started to hit him on the neck and shoulders with it.
    He chanted as he walloped.
    —I’m Billy—— The Animal Mooney, d’yeh ———hear me? Billy The—— Animal Mooney an’ we all ———have stage names an’ you know fuckin’ ————well wha’ they are, yeh lousy ——bollix yeh, we’re not your group, we’re ———not your fuckin’ ——group——
    Mickah held his arms down. Deco got out from under him.
    —Yeh were lookin’ for that, said Jimmy.
    —What did I do now? Deco asked.
    —Oh look it! said Bernie. —He’s after burstin’ one of his plukes.
    Most of The Commitments laughed.
    —Yeh didn’t introduce the group properly, said Jimmy.
    —I forgot.
    —Fuck off!
    —I was oney jokin’. Yis have no sense o’ humour, d’yis know tha’?
    —An’ you have? Outspan asked.
    —Yeah.
    —You’ve a big head too, pal.
    —You’re just jealous——
    —Fuck off.
    —All o’ yis.
    —Enough, said Joey The Lips.
    —Jealous o’ you? ——Huh——
    —Enough.
    —Joey’s righ’, said Jimmy. —We’ll meet tomorrow nigh’ an’ have this ou’.
    Deco left.
    —Watch ou’ for the fans, Derek shouted after him.
    Mickah let go of Billy.
    —He’s ruinin’ everythin’, Jimmy, said Billy. —I’m sorry abou’ tha’, yeh know. But I’m sick of him. It was great an’ then he ———He’s a fuckin’ cunt.
    —That’s an accurate description, said James.
    —I’ll kill him the next time, said Billy. —I will. ——I will now.
    —He’s not worth it, said Derek.
    —He is,