man laughs.
âWhen did you last go to London?â he says. âThatâs a standard off-peak rate. It costs more than that during the week.â
I flush. I havenât been on the train to London for at least a year and last time Mum came with and bought the tickets.
I shove my money-box cash in his direction and put the tickets in the front of my purse. Then I hoist up the rucksack again and go to wait on the platform.
Iâve got five minutes. I take out a bottle of high-cal milk and drink it while Iâm waiting. Then I start on a bag of crisps.
The train pulls in and I heave my bag onto it and find a seat. As soon as I sit down a great wave of tiredness and relief comes over me. Iâve done it. Iâm actually on the train to London.
The carriage is pretty empty so I get all my food out and arrange it around me. I take my Creon and then eat a sandwich that I made up this morning while Mum wasnât looking. I finish up with a Mars Bar and then put the food away in the rucksack. Then I put all my medical stuff into my small black leather bag so that Iâve got it all together and I put it on the seat next to me. I prop up my feet on the rucksack and get out my list of recipe notes so that I can start rehearsing how to bake them in my head.
The train lurches and sways through countryside. Itâs very hot and I feel exhausted. I lean my head against the window for a moment and watch all the trees and fields whiz by in a blur. Donât suppose it matters if I have a bit of a rest. Iâm going to need all my energy for what lies ahead.
The next thing I know Iâm jolting awake with my head banging on the glass and a horrid dry feeling in my mouth.
It takes me a while to remember where I am. My head is aching and my chest feels tight. Itâs like the past few days of plotting and planning kept me going. Now that the excitement of being secretive has gone, I feel like Iâve been in a fight. And lost.
I yawn and look at my watch. I must have been asleep for nearly an hour because thereâs only twenty minutes left until the train gets in. I get out a little mirror from the top pocket of my rucksack and then attempt to calm down my hair. My face looks thin and pale in the early evening sunlight, but I try to ignore that. I get a bottle of water out and another snack and then turn to get my black leather bag full of medicine so that I can take some more Creon.
Itâs gone.
***
Iâm bolt awake now.
I search under the seat, behind the seat and on all the other empty seats around me. Then I open my rucksack just in case Iâm going mad and put the little bag back in there without thinking, but itâs not there either.
My heart pounds with fright and uncertainty. I donât know what to do now.
I check in my rucksack for my phone and money and theyâre still there, at least. Thank God I didnât put them in the little bag. But who can I call? Mum isnât supposed to know where I am yet and my train is almost in London. I donât know a single soul in London.
I try to think, even though tears are rising up and threatening to spill over.
Maybe I could find a chemist in London and tell them Iâve lost my drugs? But then theyâd be bound to contact my GPâs surgery and they in turn would have to contact Mum and then the game would be up.
I could call Gemma, but I couldnât expect her to come all the way up to London having first somehow got into my house and gone upstairs to my bedroom and got all my spare medicine and come out again. And anyway I donât want to switch my phone on in case Mum or Harry call and then my voice will sound guilty and give the game away.
Iâm shivering, even though the train is stuffy and the air-con isnât working. This so wasnât supposed to happen. Iâm angry with myself for leaving the little bag on the seat next to me and then falling asleep. Somebody must have thought it
âWhen did you last go to London?â he says. âThatâs a standard off-peak rate. It costs more than that during the week.â
I flush. I havenât been on the train to London for at least a year and last time Mum came with and bought the tickets.
I shove my money-box cash in his direction and put the tickets in the front of my purse. Then I hoist up the rucksack again and go to wait on the platform.
Iâve got five minutes. I take out a bottle of high-cal milk and drink it while Iâm waiting. Then I start on a bag of crisps.
The train pulls in and I heave my bag onto it and find a seat. As soon as I sit down a great wave of tiredness and relief comes over me. Iâve done it. Iâm actually on the train to London.
The carriage is pretty empty so I get all my food out and arrange it around me. I take my Creon and then eat a sandwich that I made up this morning while Mum wasnât looking. I finish up with a Mars Bar and then put the food away in the rucksack. Then I put all my medical stuff into my small black leather bag so that Iâve got it all together and I put it on the seat next to me. I prop up my feet on the rucksack and get out my list of recipe notes so that I can start rehearsing how to bake them in my head.
The train lurches and sways through countryside. Itâs very hot and I feel exhausted. I lean my head against the window for a moment and watch all the trees and fields whiz by in a blur. Donât suppose it matters if I have a bit of a rest. Iâm going to need all my energy for what lies ahead.
The next thing I know Iâm jolting awake with my head banging on the glass and a horrid dry feeling in my mouth.
It takes me a while to remember where I am. My head is aching and my chest feels tight. Itâs like the past few days of plotting and planning kept me going. Now that the excitement of being secretive has gone, I feel like Iâve been in a fight. And lost.
I yawn and look at my watch. I must have been asleep for nearly an hour because thereâs only twenty minutes left until the train gets in. I get out a little mirror from the top pocket of my rucksack and then attempt to calm down my hair. My face looks thin and pale in the early evening sunlight, but I try to ignore that. I get a bottle of water out and another snack and then turn to get my black leather bag full of medicine so that I can take some more Creon.
Itâs gone.
***
Iâm bolt awake now.
I search under the seat, behind the seat and on all the other empty seats around me. Then I open my rucksack just in case Iâm going mad and put the little bag back in there without thinking, but itâs not there either.
My heart pounds with fright and uncertainty. I donât know what to do now.
I check in my rucksack for my phone and money and theyâre still there, at least. Thank God I didnât put them in the little bag. But who can I call? Mum isnât supposed to know where I am yet and my train is almost in London. I donât know a single soul in London.
I try to think, even though tears are rising up and threatening to spill over.
Maybe I could find a chemist in London and tell them Iâve lost my drugs? But then theyâd be bound to contact my GPâs surgery and they in turn would have to contact Mum and then the game would be up.
I could call Gemma, but I couldnât expect her to come all the way up to London having first somehow got into my house and gone upstairs to my bedroom and got all my spare medicine and come out again. And anyway I donât want to switch my phone on in case Mum or Harry call and then my voice will sound guilty and give the game away.
Iâm shivering, even though the train is stuffy and the air-con isnât working. This so wasnât supposed to happen. Iâm angry with myself for leaving the little bag on the seat next to me and then falling asleep. Somebody must have thought it
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