national and state governments? It seems to us so confusing.”
I had never realized that there were any differences to explain. I knew that we had state governments, because Uncle Ted had been governor of New York State. Luckily, Sir Ronald and my husband appeared at that moment for tea and I could ask Franklin to answer her question. He was adequate, and I registered a vow that once safely back in the United States I would find out something about my own government.
We had to be home for the opening of Columbia Law School, so our holiday, or second honeymoon, had come to an end. My mother-in-law had taken a house for us within three blocks of her own home, at 125 East 36th Street. She had furnished it and engaged our servants. We were to spend the first few days with her on landing until we could put the finishing touches on our house.
I was beginning to be an entirely dependent person—no tickets to buy, no plans to make, someone always to decide everything for me. A pleasant contrast to my former life, and I slipped into it with the greatest of ease.
The edge of my shyness was gradually wearing off through enforced contact with many people. I still suffered but not so acutely.
Either Maude or Pussie once told me that if I were stuck for conversation I should take the alphabet and start right through it. “A—Apple. Do you like apples, Mr. Smith? B—Bears. Are you afraid of bears, Mr. Jones? C—Cats. Do you have the usual feeling, Mrs. Jellyfish, about cats? Do they give you the creeps even when you do not see them?” And so forth all the way down the line, but some time had passed since anything as desperate as this had had to be done for conversational purposes. As young women go, I suppose I was fitting pretty well into the pattern of a conventional, quiet young society matron.
Five
A Woman
THE TRIP HOME was not pleasant, and I landed in New York feeling miserable. I soon found that there was a good reason, and it was quite a relief—for, little idiot that I was, I had been seriously troubled for fear I would never have any children and my husband would be much disappointed.
I had always been a particularly healthy person, and I think it was a good thing for me to be perfectly miserable for three months before every one of my six babies arrived, as it made me a little more understanding and sympathetic of the general illnesses human beings are subject to. Otherwise, I am afraid I would have been more insufferable than I am—for I always think we can do something to conquer our physical ailments.
Little by little I learned to make even these months bearable. In any case, I never let anything physical prevent my doing whatever had to be done. This is hard discipline, and I do not recommend it either as training for those around one or as a means of building character in oneself. What it really does is to kill a certain amount of the power of enjoyment. It makes one a stoic, but too much of a thing is as bad as too little, and I think it tends to make you draw away from other people and into yourself.
For the first year of my married life I was completely taken care of. My mother-in-law did everything for me. Like many other young women waiting for a first baby, I was sometimes nervous. A girlhood friend of mine said, “When I am a little afraid of the future I look around and see all the people there are and think they had to be born, and so nothing very extraordinary is happening to me.”
Some emergencies of this period I remember vividly. We had invited some friends for dinner, and the cook departed the day before. It seemed impossible to get another one. I was simply petrified, because I knew nothing about preparing a meal, and I spent the day going from employment office to employment office until finally I corralled someone to cook the dinner, and worried all the way through for fear the results would be disgraceful.
One would think that this might have suggested to me the wisdom of
I had never realized that there were any differences to explain. I knew that we had state governments, because Uncle Ted had been governor of New York State. Luckily, Sir Ronald and my husband appeared at that moment for tea and I could ask Franklin to answer her question. He was adequate, and I registered a vow that once safely back in the United States I would find out something about my own government.
We had to be home for the opening of Columbia Law School, so our holiday, or second honeymoon, had come to an end. My mother-in-law had taken a house for us within three blocks of her own home, at 125 East 36th Street. She had furnished it and engaged our servants. We were to spend the first few days with her on landing until we could put the finishing touches on our house.
I was beginning to be an entirely dependent person—no tickets to buy, no plans to make, someone always to decide everything for me. A pleasant contrast to my former life, and I slipped into it with the greatest of ease.
The edge of my shyness was gradually wearing off through enforced contact with many people. I still suffered but not so acutely.
Either Maude or Pussie once told me that if I were stuck for conversation I should take the alphabet and start right through it. “A—Apple. Do you like apples, Mr. Smith? B—Bears. Are you afraid of bears, Mr. Jones? C—Cats. Do you have the usual feeling, Mrs. Jellyfish, about cats? Do they give you the creeps even when you do not see them?” And so forth all the way down the line, but some time had passed since anything as desperate as this had had to be done for conversational purposes. As young women go, I suppose I was fitting pretty well into the pattern of a conventional, quiet young society matron.
Five
A Woman
THE TRIP HOME was not pleasant, and I landed in New York feeling miserable. I soon found that there was a good reason, and it was quite a relief—for, little idiot that I was, I had been seriously troubled for fear I would never have any children and my husband would be much disappointed.
I had always been a particularly healthy person, and I think it was a good thing for me to be perfectly miserable for three months before every one of my six babies arrived, as it made me a little more understanding and sympathetic of the general illnesses human beings are subject to. Otherwise, I am afraid I would have been more insufferable than I am—for I always think we can do something to conquer our physical ailments.
Little by little I learned to make even these months bearable. In any case, I never let anything physical prevent my doing whatever had to be done. This is hard discipline, and I do not recommend it either as training for those around one or as a means of building character in oneself. What it really does is to kill a certain amount of the power of enjoyment. It makes one a stoic, but too much of a thing is as bad as too little, and I think it tends to make you draw away from other people and into yourself.
For the first year of my married life I was completely taken care of. My mother-in-law did everything for me. Like many other young women waiting for a first baby, I was sometimes nervous. A girlhood friend of mine said, “When I am a little afraid of the future I look around and see all the people there are and think they had to be born, and so nothing very extraordinary is happening to me.”
Some emergencies of this period I remember vividly. We had invited some friends for dinner, and the cook departed the day before. It seemed impossible to get another one. I was simply petrified, because I knew nothing about preparing a meal, and I spent the day going from employment office to employment office until finally I corralled someone to cook the dinner, and worried all the way through for fear the results would be disgraceful.
One would think that this might have suggested to me the wisdom of
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