and he wasn’t wrong.
TH: They let the Kodiak out, and it’s just me and the Kodiak and—no way. I mean, for ten minutes that bear was not coming near that suit. I mean, he was scared. I’m six foot two and I’m formidable in this suit; he’s on all fours. There’s no bear in the world that’s bigger than me when they’re on all fours, so when he’s on all fours, he’s looking at me and saying,
I don’t like this.
But now the handler yells back to me. He says, “How long can you stay in the suit?”
I said, “25, 30 minutes.”
And he said, “Good. Stand there and chew some gum, because in about five minutes, this bear is going to figure out that he’s bigger than you and it’s going to turn into curiosity and then it’s going to turn into,
I’m not scared of you anymore.
And, sure enough, five minutes pass and he’s catching my scent and he’s looking at me and you know what he’s saying—
ML:
Crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside?
TH: No, no, that’s not what he’s saying. He’s saying,
I know you smell like a human. I know what a human smells like and I know what a human looks like—but you don’t look like a human. What are you?
So he starts to get more curious and more curious. Finally, he makes it to five feet and then he gets a huge whiff of me and stands up all on his own, ten feet tall—
ML: Uh-oh.
TH: At five feet away. Now I’m terrified. I’m terrified. The grizzly I had no fear of, because I knew the suit could handle a grizzly. The Kodiak blocking out the sun in front of me … Okay, this isn’t a good thing here; I’m getting scared. So he’s up there ten feet, and he comes back down, and in that instant we both knew he knew he was bigger than me. He says to himself—I mean, you just know, the way the look was—
I am bigger than you and I betcha I’m stronger than you.
So he starts to get very curious to the point of brave enough to get within six inches of me, on all fours. His mouth’s open and I’m looking down at these canines—I mean, just huge—
ML: You’re waiting for the handler to say, “Here, Rover!”
TH: There was a couple of instances the handler knew that he was ready to take a shot at me and would say, “No! No!” and the bear would back off. It’s like a mother to him, the handler. So the bear’s looking at the handler and me at the same time and thinking,
Geez, I wonder if I can slip one in there.
So we went at this for a half-hour and it was just, you know, teeth and standing up and this and that.… So we ended that, we got out of the cage and—it was a big compliment to me—the handler said, “Listen, it’s not over. I have full confidence in your suit. I honestly thought that he’d crush it. He can’t do it; I’m shocked. But if you switch the chain mail—get rid of that garbage you’ve got on there and put the real shark chain mail on—you come back in the spring and I have full confidence that if the bear goes beyond curiosity to taking you to the ground, he won’t be able to do nothing to you.”
ML: So back to the shop.
TH: So yeah. I’m going to strip it down, put the real chain mail on. I’m going to go back in the spring, be fully confident that I’m going to be able to do what I’m going to do.
ML: And we’ll talk to you then.
TH: Absolutely.
ML: You know you’re crazy, don’t you?
TH: Oh no, just a researcher who does things a little different.
Different … yeah.
We did talk to the Bear Suit Man again, when he was about to test the Ursus Mark VII. It had no chain mail whatsoever, but it was much stronger, he told us. Plus, it had air conditioning and on-board computers—oh yes, and
fingers.
The better to climb up and out of the cage, I figured, when the bear came after him.
That was in May 2002. When I checked back the other day to see how his quest was doing, there was good news andthere was bad news. The good news was that his bear suit days were over; he felt he’d topped the charts in
TH: They let the Kodiak out, and it’s just me and the Kodiak and—no way. I mean, for ten minutes that bear was not coming near that suit. I mean, he was scared. I’m six foot two and I’m formidable in this suit; he’s on all fours. There’s no bear in the world that’s bigger than me when they’re on all fours, so when he’s on all fours, he’s looking at me and saying,
I don’t like this.
But now the handler yells back to me. He says, “How long can you stay in the suit?”
I said, “25, 30 minutes.”
And he said, “Good. Stand there and chew some gum, because in about five minutes, this bear is going to figure out that he’s bigger than you and it’s going to turn into curiosity and then it’s going to turn into,
I’m not scared of you anymore.
And, sure enough, five minutes pass and he’s catching my scent and he’s looking at me and you know what he’s saying—
ML:
Crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside?
TH: No, no, that’s not what he’s saying. He’s saying,
I know you smell like a human. I know what a human smells like and I know what a human looks like—but you don’t look like a human. What are you?
So he starts to get more curious and more curious. Finally, he makes it to five feet and then he gets a huge whiff of me and stands up all on his own, ten feet tall—
ML: Uh-oh.
TH: At five feet away. Now I’m terrified. I’m terrified. The grizzly I had no fear of, because I knew the suit could handle a grizzly. The Kodiak blocking out the sun in front of me … Okay, this isn’t a good thing here; I’m getting scared. So he’s up there ten feet, and he comes back down, and in that instant we both knew he knew he was bigger than me. He says to himself—I mean, you just know, the way the look was—
I am bigger than you and I betcha I’m stronger than you.
So he starts to get very curious to the point of brave enough to get within six inches of me, on all fours. His mouth’s open and I’m looking down at these canines—I mean, just huge—
ML: You’re waiting for the handler to say, “Here, Rover!”
TH: There was a couple of instances the handler knew that he was ready to take a shot at me and would say, “No! No!” and the bear would back off. It’s like a mother to him, the handler. So the bear’s looking at the handler and me at the same time and thinking,
Geez, I wonder if I can slip one in there.
So we went at this for a half-hour and it was just, you know, teeth and standing up and this and that.… So we ended that, we got out of the cage and—it was a big compliment to me—the handler said, “Listen, it’s not over. I have full confidence in your suit. I honestly thought that he’d crush it. He can’t do it; I’m shocked. But if you switch the chain mail—get rid of that garbage you’ve got on there and put the real shark chain mail on—you come back in the spring and I have full confidence that if the bear goes beyond curiosity to taking you to the ground, he won’t be able to do nothing to you.”
ML: So back to the shop.
TH: So yeah. I’m going to strip it down, put the real chain mail on. I’m going to go back in the spring, be fully confident that I’m going to be able to do what I’m going to do.
ML: And we’ll talk to you then.
TH: Absolutely.
ML: You know you’re crazy, don’t you?
TH: Oh no, just a researcher who does things a little different.
Different … yeah.
We did talk to the Bear Suit Man again, when he was about to test the Ursus Mark VII. It had no chain mail whatsoever, but it was much stronger, he told us. Plus, it had air conditioning and on-board computers—oh yes, and
fingers.
The better to climb up and out of the cage, I figured, when the bear came after him.
That was in May 2002. When I checked back the other day to see how his quest was doing, there was good news andthere was bad news. The good news was that his bear suit days were over; he felt he’d topped the charts in
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