right now, so smutty jokes don’t help.’
‘Oh very well, I’ll be there in ten minutes. But only for one drink, then you have to come with me and apologise to Gerry.’
‘Just get here.’
I hang up as Sharon barges in.
‘That was Andy,’ I say. ‘Said he’s cooked dinner.’
‘I wondered where you’d gone,’ she said. ‘Brian’s in a right state. It’s solid gold some of the stuff he’s coming out with.’
‘It feels a bit mean to let him talk like that.’
‘When did you get a conscience?’
‘I know how it feels to split up with someone. He probably doesn’t want to talk about it.’
‘Gavin, right?’
Sharon hands me the perfect get out. I grab it with both hands.
‘Yes, I suppose so. Seeing Brian like that, reminded me of how I was back then. Denying it hurt, having a laugh when all I wanted to do was scream the place down.’
‘I’m sorry. I should have known.’ Sharon hugs me. ‘You go back out there and get to work changing the subject. I’ll be with you in a minute.’
‘Andy’s coming to rescue me.’
‘Good plan. I’ll escape with you. Nothing worse than a maudlin man, especially when it’s your boss.’
She grins and lets herself into a cubicle. I wash my hands, check my hair and take a deep breath.
Back at the table, Brian is slumped over his drink, but as I sit down, he looks up and belches.
‘Oops, sorry, Lisa. Not very polite of me.’
‘That’s OK.’
‘Sorry about before as well.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Making a bit of a twat of myself in front of Susan.’
‘Her name’s Sharon and don’t worry about it.’
‘But I do worry. I worry what people think. I worry what you think.’
He stares and I don’t know what to say.
‘You’ve had too much to drink. Shall I get someone to call you a cab?’
‘It’s still early. We could go out somewhere. I owe you dinner.’
‘It might be best if you go home.’
‘ Home? Where exactly is that. She’s chucked me out. So what are you suggesting? Should I go back to the Travel Lodge and spend the night in my sad little room watching the porn channel?’
I’ve never seen this side of Brian. After lunch the other day and now this, I don’t know him at all.
Sharon returns and Brian grabs her hand.
‘Lisa here thinks it’s time for me to go, but I want to get us all one more round of drinks first. You don’t mind do you?’
She looks at me for an answer and I shrug, unable to force her to be the bad guy and break up the party.
‘Whatever,’ she says and he struggles to his feet to sway to the bar.
‘He is absolutely wasted,’ she says.
‘That’s what I was trying to tell him.’
‘We’ll make this our last one and then get him into a taxi.’
‘Right. Andy will be here soon.’
‘He can help us carry him.’
“He won’t be much use, his arm is in plaster.’
‘Why? What happened?’
‘Long story.’
‘Does it involve a man?’
‘Yes and a wardrobe.’
‘Best I don’t know. Speak of the devil.’
Andy drops his coat onto a chair and looks around. ‘Where’s the boss?’
‘He’s insisted on getting another drink,’ I say. ‘Quick, see if you can get to the bar and stop him so we can go.’
‘Is he very drunk?’
‘Off his face.’
‘Fabulous.’
Andy calls across the bar to Brian. ‘Pint of lager and a double whiskey chaser for me, gorgeous!’
Brian grins and waves. I fume.
‘How is the lovely Bethany?’ he says and Sharon rummages in her bag for a photo. I look up to see Brian struggle to balance a tray of drinks.
‘Here we go,’ he says. ‘Pint and a chaser for Adam, wine for the yummy mummy, a huge fuck-off whiskey for moi and last but by no means least a vodka and tonic for the Armchair Bride.’
Everyone stops talking and guilty looks are exchanged. Even my boss appears to know I’m an antisocial freak who spends her every waking hour tracking down classmates and fretting about the ticking of her biological clock. Sharon finds
‘Oh very well, I’ll be there in ten minutes. But only for one drink, then you have to come with me and apologise to Gerry.’
‘Just get here.’
I hang up as Sharon barges in.
‘That was Andy,’ I say. ‘Said he’s cooked dinner.’
‘I wondered where you’d gone,’ she said. ‘Brian’s in a right state. It’s solid gold some of the stuff he’s coming out with.’
‘It feels a bit mean to let him talk like that.’
‘When did you get a conscience?’
‘I know how it feels to split up with someone. He probably doesn’t want to talk about it.’
‘Gavin, right?’
Sharon hands me the perfect get out. I grab it with both hands.
‘Yes, I suppose so. Seeing Brian like that, reminded me of how I was back then. Denying it hurt, having a laugh when all I wanted to do was scream the place down.’
‘I’m sorry. I should have known.’ Sharon hugs me. ‘You go back out there and get to work changing the subject. I’ll be with you in a minute.’
‘Andy’s coming to rescue me.’
‘Good plan. I’ll escape with you. Nothing worse than a maudlin man, especially when it’s your boss.’
She grins and lets herself into a cubicle. I wash my hands, check my hair and take a deep breath.
Back at the table, Brian is slumped over his drink, but as I sit down, he looks up and belches.
‘Oops, sorry, Lisa. Not very polite of me.’
‘That’s OK.’
‘Sorry about before as well.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Making a bit of a twat of myself in front of Susan.’
‘Her name’s Sharon and don’t worry about it.’
‘But I do worry. I worry what people think. I worry what you think.’
He stares and I don’t know what to say.
‘You’ve had too much to drink. Shall I get someone to call you a cab?’
‘It’s still early. We could go out somewhere. I owe you dinner.’
‘It might be best if you go home.’
‘ Home? Where exactly is that. She’s chucked me out. So what are you suggesting? Should I go back to the Travel Lodge and spend the night in my sad little room watching the porn channel?’
I’ve never seen this side of Brian. After lunch the other day and now this, I don’t know him at all.
Sharon returns and Brian grabs her hand.
‘Lisa here thinks it’s time for me to go, but I want to get us all one more round of drinks first. You don’t mind do you?’
She looks at me for an answer and I shrug, unable to force her to be the bad guy and break up the party.
‘Whatever,’ she says and he struggles to his feet to sway to the bar.
‘He is absolutely wasted,’ she says.
‘That’s what I was trying to tell him.’
‘We’ll make this our last one and then get him into a taxi.’
‘Right. Andy will be here soon.’
‘He can help us carry him.’
“He won’t be much use, his arm is in plaster.’
‘Why? What happened?’
‘Long story.’
‘Does it involve a man?’
‘Yes and a wardrobe.’
‘Best I don’t know. Speak of the devil.’
Andy drops his coat onto a chair and looks around. ‘Where’s the boss?’
‘He’s insisted on getting another drink,’ I say. ‘Quick, see if you can get to the bar and stop him so we can go.’
‘Is he very drunk?’
‘Off his face.’
‘Fabulous.’
Andy calls across the bar to Brian. ‘Pint of lager and a double whiskey chaser for me, gorgeous!’
Brian grins and waves. I fume.
‘How is the lovely Bethany?’ he says and Sharon rummages in her bag for a photo. I look up to see Brian struggle to balance a tray of drinks.
‘Here we go,’ he says. ‘Pint and a chaser for Adam, wine for the yummy mummy, a huge fuck-off whiskey for moi and last but by no means least a vodka and tonic for the Armchair Bride.’
Everyone stops talking and guilty looks are exchanged. Even my boss appears to know I’m an antisocial freak who spends her every waking hour tracking down classmates and fretting about the ticking of her biological clock. Sharon finds
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