the sheet. Her cheeks were hot 33
and dry.
34
“What is it?” Rick said again. His breath smelled of mint.
S 35
Still, she didn’t answer. What was there to say?
R 36
6 5
2nd PASS PAGES
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A M Y G U T M A N
1
Finally, she rolled her head toward him. “It’s Anna,” she said.
2
“We can work it out.”
3
“I . . .” She had a sensation of unraveling, her life coming un-4
done.
5
“I love you, Callie,” Rick said.
6
Tears filled her eyes. She’d turned her head toward the ceiling 7
again so he couldn’t see her face. If only everything were as sim-8
ple as he seemed to think it was.
9
“How do you know?” she asked him.
10
“Know? Know what?” Rick had propped himself up on an el-11
bow to get a view of her face. She turned her head farther, let hair 12
fall over her eyes.
13
“How do you know . . . that you . . . love me?” The words came 14
out haltingly. “Because, the thing is, once someone told me that, 15
and I . . . I believed him. I believed everything he told me, but all 16
of it was lies. And so . . . if I believe you now, what would it really 17
mean? Because I’ve been so wrong before, and I’m still the same 18
person I was. Different in some ways but still the same. Maybe I 19
don’t understand what love is. Between a man and a woman.
20
When I think about it, my mind goes blank. I can’t seem to —”
21
“I’m not your ex-husband, Callie.”
22
Startled, she turned her head toward him, the tears having 23
stopped.
24
“I’m not Kevin. I’m not going to leave you. You know me bet-25
ter than that.”
26
“Oh . . .”
27
He must have sensed her unease. “You’re talking about Kevin, 28
right?”
29
“No,” she said. “It was someone else. Kevin was . . . afterwards.”
30
It struck her again how little he knew of the basic facts of her 31
life. Was he aware of the gaping holes? The pieces that didn’t fit?
32
So many lies, large and small, piled on top of each other. Even if 33
she told him the truth, would he ever be able to trust her?
34
“I wonder,” she said, “if you can know someone. Really know 35 S
who they are. I used to think you could. I used to think I did.”
36 R
Then something was shifting in her chest, shifting and grow-6 6
2nd PASS PAGES
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T H E A N N I V E R S A R Y
ing larger. Without warning it exploded. She began to cry. But 1
this time she didn’t turn away. This time she let him see.
2
“I love you, too,” she whispered. And held tight to his hand.
3
It was like the words had been torn from her heart, leaving a 4
gaping wound. But with the pain came a strange lightness, as if 5
something had begun.
6
Rick rocked her in his arms, whispering into her hair. He softly 7
stroked her back while she cried, sobbing into his shoulder. He 8
showed no sign of annoyance, no sign of discomposure. He 9
seemed to accept without question the chaos of her emotions.
10
She could almost believe that he would understand, almost be-11
lieve she could tell him.
12
Almost believe, almost believe . . .
13
Almost, but not quite.
14
After she didn’t know how long, the tears finally stopped. Ex-15
hausted, she lay against Rick, matching her breath to his. It was 16
like she’d been swept up onto this bed from some wild storm-17
tossed sea. But one of her arms lay across Rick’s chest, and again 18
she glimpsed the scars. You belong to us, they seemed to say. This 19
is who you are.
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
S 35
R 36
6 7
2nd PASS PAGES
13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 68
Wednesday–Saturday, April 12–15
C
1
a l l i e sat at the kitchen table, reading, drinking coffee.
2
Memories of the night before tumbled through her mind. Sun 3
poured in through the windows, warming up the room. She’d 4
been there for a
and dry.
34
“What is it?” Rick said again. His breath smelled of mint.
S 35
Still, she didn’t answer. What was there to say?
R 36
6 5
2nd PASS PAGES
13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 66
A M Y G U T M A N
1
Finally, she rolled her head toward him. “It’s Anna,” she said.
2
“We can work it out.”
3
“I . . .” She had a sensation of unraveling, her life coming un-4
done.
5
“I love you, Callie,” Rick said.
6
Tears filled her eyes. She’d turned her head toward the ceiling 7
again so he couldn’t see her face. If only everything were as sim-8
ple as he seemed to think it was.
9
“How do you know?” she asked him.
10
“Know? Know what?” Rick had propped himself up on an el-11
bow to get a view of her face. She turned her head farther, let hair 12
fall over her eyes.
13
“How do you know . . . that you . . . love me?” The words came 14
out haltingly. “Because, the thing is, once someone told me that, 15
and I . . . I believed him. I believed everything he told me, but all 16
of it was lies. And so . . . if I believe you now, what would it really 17
mean? Because I’ve been so wrong before, and I’m still the same 18
person I was. Different in some ways but still the same. Maybe I 19
don’t understand what love is. Between a man and a woman.
20
When I think about it, my mind goes blank. I can’t seem to —”
21
“I’m not your ex-husband, Callie.”
22
Startled, she turned her head toward him, the tears having 23
stopped.
24
“I’m not Kevin. I’m not going to leave you. You know me bet-25
ter than that.”
26
“Oh . . .”
27
He must have sensed her unease. “You’re talking about Kevin, 28
right?”
29
“No,” she said. “It was someone else. Kevin was . . . afterwards.”
30
It struck her again how little he knew of the basic facts of her 31
life. Was he aware of the gaping holes? The pieces that didn’t fit?
32
So many lies, large and small, piled on top of each other. Even if 33
she told him the truth, would he ever be able to trust her?
34
“I wonder,” she said, “if you can know someone. Really know 35 S
who they are. I used to think you could. I used to think I did.”
36 R
Then something was shifting in her chest, shifting and grow-6 6
2nd PASS PAGES
13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 67
T H E A N N I V E R S A R Y
ing larger. Without warning it exploded. She began to cry. But 1
this time she didn’t turn away. This time she let him see.
2
“I love you, too,” she whispered. And held tight to his hand.
3
It was like the words had been torn from her heart, leaving a 4
gaping wound. But with the pain came a strange lightness, as if 5
something had begun.
6
Rick rocked her in his arms, whispering into her hair. He softly 7
stroked her back while she cried, sobbing into his shoulder. He 8
showed no sign of annoyance, no sign of discomposure. He 9
seemed to accept without question the chaos of her emotions.
10
She could almost believe that he would understand, almost be-11
lieve she could tell him.
12
Almost believe, almost believe . . .
13
Almost, but not quite.
14
After she didn’t know how long, the tears finally stopped. Ex-15
hausted, she lay against Rick, matching her breath to his. It was 16
like she’d been swept up onto this bed from some wild storm-17
tossed sea. But one of her arms lay across Rick’s chest, and again 18
she glimpsed the scars. You belong to us, they seemed to say. This 19
is who you are.
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
S 35
R 36
6 7
2nd PASS PAGES
13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 68
Wednesday–Saturday, April 12–15
C
1
a l l i e sat at the kitchen table, reading, drinking coffee.
2
Memories of the night before tumbled through her mind. Sun 3
poured in through the windows, warming up the room. She’d 4
been there for a
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