The Affair by Bunty Avieson

‘You see, James is sterile,’ she announced abruptly. ‘He had mumps when he was a boy.’
    It took Nina only a few seconds to understand what her mother-in-law was telling her.
    ‘He was about fifteen and his testicles swelled up hard like cricket balls. It was very painful for him, as you might imagine. The doctors said it was the worst case they had seen. It is very rare for mumps to cause sterility, but there you go. James was incredibly unlucky.’
    Nina took in little of what Patty was saying. She had just one thought. James was sterile. Luke could not be his son. And Patty had known this all along. She felt the room swim about her. Of course Luke was James’s son. Of course he was. Her heart cried out for Patty’s revelation not to be true. But a little nagging voice, somewhere at the back of Nina’s brain, told her otherwise. It was a voice she had silenced long ago.
    The possibility had occurred to Nina but only in the early days, when she first discovered she was pregnant. She had worked out her dates and realised there was a chance it was not James’s child. But from the moment he was born, Luke was every bit James’s son, and Nina had put all such thoughts aside. James believed he was Luke’s father. Nina wanted him to be. And anyway, there wasevery chance he was, she had reasoned. Then she had quite deliberately put a wall around the idea that Luke could be anyone but James’s biological son. She never allowed it to surface again.
    Her memories of the summer of 1991 were so raw and painful that Nina chose not to think about it. Occasionally they would surface in her dreams and she would wake with an indefinable feeling of longing and desire. Her body would be aflame and she found it hard to concentrate. But she would shake off the feeling and go about her daily life as a wife and a mother.
    From the moment Luke was born Nina had been overwhelmed by her love for this scrunched-up little bundle. She was in awe of the ferociousness of her feelings. Their intensity scared her. And she could see her own helpless love mirrored in her husband’s eyes. Like Nina, he had fallen completely, devotedly, in love with baby Luke. They had taken turns getting up to him in the night. James had happily danced with him around the lounge room to the Play School video. And as Luke grew older, James was the proud father cheering his boy from the sidelines each Saturday, cricket through summer and rugby in winter. He was Luke’s father in every sense of the word. Nina felt her blood rising in angry defence. But sitting here opposite her mother-in-law, she stopped herself. The time for self-delusion had passed.
    ‘You have known this all the time,’ she whispered.
    ‘Yes,’ said Patty matter-of-factly. ‘We’ve always known it. Frederick and I.’
    Nina felt the noise of the dining room recede. She remembered discovering she was pregnant and James’s surprise then joy. They hadn’t planned to start their family so soon. What a special time it had been for them. She had wanted it to be the sign of a new beginning. Those little voices that she had managed to avoid for so long were loud and triumphant in the back of her head now. The guilt and shame of her past had just come screaming up to greet her. The thought of James finding out tore at her soul. She felt a sickening thud in her chest. She could lose him to this illness or she could lose his love and respect. Or both.
    Patty’s eyes narrowed and she looked at her daughter-in-law with disbelief. ‘Don’t tell me you didn’t know,’ said Patty.
    ‘That Luke wasn’t James’s son?’ replied Nina. She shook her head dumbly. Tears poured down her face. Her own napkin was already soaked. Patty handed across hers. Nina struggled to compose herself.
    ‘Why have you never said anything?’ asked Nina.
    ‘I wanted to at first but Frederick wouldn’t let me,’ said Patty. ‘He said it wasn’t our business. It was between you and James.’
    Nina stared at the