were, instead of becoming
closer, we’d grown apart. I partially blamed myself. I let it happen. When I
tried to take an interest, it felt like we ended up fighting. I didn’t know
what to do.
When we got back to the house, I tiptoed through the hallway
toward my mother’s room. Putting my ear to the wall, I held my breath, waiting
for signs of life. I needed to ask her about getting a violin. I knew how the
conversation would go before I even started it, only I had a small hope the
result would be she would call my dad at work and have him pick up a violin on
his way back home.
The drone of the news on the television played and rustling noises
came from the bed. I stepped into the open doorway, peering in.
She was perched on the bed, her arms crossed over her chest. I
treaded forward, purposefully stepping in spots that creaked to get her
attention.
Her head snapped around. Her blue eyes were glossy. It made me
wonder if she’d been crying. “What do you want?” she asked. Her tone
erased my previous assumption about her mood.
“I need to bring a violin to school,” I said quietly. “I need to
go get one.”
Her eyebrows scrunched together. “Since when do you play the
violin?”
“One of my classes is violin lessons.”
“Shouldn’t the school provide one if they’re giving you the
lessons?”
“They don’t have one for me.”
She frowned. “We can’t buy a musical instrument every time you
want to piddle with something.”
“I need one for class tomorrow.”
“Did your dad approve of this?”
“He signed the paper for my schedule.” What I’d said was true, he
did sign my paper. What I was implying wasn’t true. He didn’t really know about
my violin lessons because Dr. Green and Mr. Blackbourne changed it after.
She sucked in a breath and slowly released it, scratching at a
spot on her face. Her eyes focused in and out. Maybe the television was hurting
her eyes. “I don’t think you should take this class. You’ll never keep up with
it.”
My heart plunged. No, please. Don’t do this now. “But I’m already
signed up,” I said. “I’m sure it wouldn’t be expensive. It can be something
cheap from a pawn shop.”
“If we buy one for you, you’ll just quit.”
“I can’t quit,” I urged. I was losing this. I had to come up with
something. “I’m already signed up. I have to go for the whole year.”
“You shouldn’t have signed up for it. You don’t know anything
about music.”
“Marie has her flute,” I said, feeling terrible about using my
sister for this. I always did my best to keep my sister out of the middle of
any discussion with my parents, even if she didn’t do the same for me. It felt
like a betrayal of trust and I didn’t want to be that type of person. Still, my
argument was weak and I knew what my mother would say before she said it.
“Just go to the front office tomorrow and ask them to drop you.
You don’t have any business in a music class.”
That was it. If I asked any more, she’d punish me for talking
back, or worse, she’d call the school. If she did that, I’d be at the mercy of
her whims. My whole schedule could get reworked if she wanted.
I swallowed and backed up to the door. It was a risk I didn’t want
to take. I plodded down the hallway. I couldn’t stand to be in the house
anymore. I shivered, suppressing the anger at feeling trapped. What
else could I do? Tomorrow I’d have to admit to Mr. Blackbourne that my parents
wouldn’t allow me to get a violin. I didn’t want to envision his steel eyes
looking at me with pity or with resentment for wasting his time. The only
student he took on the entire year was quitting.
I sucked in a breath and shook off the thoughts. There was nothing
I could do about it. I would do what I had to do and get it over with. Maybe it
was better this way. What did someone like me do to deserve any time and attention
from a talented Academy professor?
I climbed the stairs to the
closer, we’d grown apart. I partially blamed myself. I let it happen. When I
tried to take an interest, it felt like we ended up fighting. I didn’t know
what to do.
When we got back to the house, I tiptoed through the hallway
toward my mother’s room. Putting my ear to the wall, I held my breath, waiting
for signs of life. I needed to ask her about getting a violin. I knew how the
conversation would go before I even started it, only I had a small hope the
result would be she would call my dad at work and have him pick up a violin on
his way back home.
The drone of the news on the television played and rustling noises
came from the bed. I stepped into the open doorway, peering in.
She was perched on the bed, her arms crossed over her chest. I
treaded forward, purposefully stepping in spots that creaked to get her
attention.
Her head snapped around. Her blue eyes were glossy. It made me
wonder if she’d been crying. “What do you want?” she asked. Her tone
erased my previous assumption about her mood.
“I need to bring a violin to school,” I said quietly. “I need to
go get one.”
Her eyebrows scrunched together. “Since when do you play the
violin?”
“One of my classes is violin lessons.”
“Shouldn’t the school provide one if they’re giving you the
lessons?”
“They don’t have one for me.”
She frowned. “We can’t buy a musical instrument every time you
want to piddle with something.”
“I need one for class tomorrow.”
“Did your dad approve of this?”
“He signed the paper for my schedule.” What I’d said was true, he
did sign my paper. What I was implying wasn’t true. He didn’t really know about
my violin lessons because Dr. Green and Mr. Blackbourne changed it after.
She sucked in a breath and slowly released it, scratching at a
spot on her face. Her eyes focused in and out. Maybe the television was hurting
her eyes. “I don’t think you should take this class. You’ll never keep up with
it.”
My heart plunged. No, please. Don’t do this now. “But I’m already
signed up,” I said. “I’m sure it wouldn’t be expensive. It can be something
cheap from a pawn shop.”
“If we buy one for you, you’ll just quit.”
“I can’t quit,” I urged. I was losing this. I had to come up with
something. “I’m already signed up. I have to go for the whole year.”
“You shouldn’t have signed up for it. You don’t know anything
about music.”
“Marie has her flute,” I said, feeling terrible about using my
sister for this. I always did my best to keep my sister out of the middle of
any discussion with my parents, even if she didn’t do the same for me. It felt
like a betrayal of trust and I didn’t want to be that type of person. Still, my
argument was weak and I knew what my mother would say before she said it.
“Just go to the front office tomorrow and ask them to drop you.
You don’t have any business in a music class.”
That was it. If I asked any more, she’d punish me for talking
back, or worse, she’d call the school. If she did that, I’d be at the mercy of
her whims. My whole schedule could get reworked if she wanted.
I swallowed and backed up to the door. It was a risk I didn’t want
to take. I plodded down the hallway. I couldn’t stand to be in the house
anymore. I shivered, suppressing the anger at feeling trapped. What
else could I do? Tomorrow I’d have to admit to Mr. Blackbourne that my parents
wouldn’t allow me to get a violin. I didn’t want to envision his steel eyes
looking at me with pity or with resentment for wasting his time. The only
student he took on the entire year was quitting.
I sucked in a breath and shook off the thoughts. There was nothing
I could do about it. I would do what I had to do and get it over with. Maybe it
was better this way. What did someone like me do to deserve any time and attention
from a talented Academy professor?
I climbed the stairs to the
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