want to answer?"
"Worry!" he almost shouts, standing up and pacing halfway across the room in a single breath. "I knew it would freak you out, okay? I was scared of losing you. But I didn't want to give up the best friendship of my life, either. I thought I could have both. She and I would just spend time together at work, and that would be it. That would be our time."
The idea of him planning out this secret life, his special time with another woman while I sat at home alone - my stomach roils.
He's starting to calm down a little and realize how it sounds, but it's too late to take the words back now. "It's not that I...it's just, she's different. You know? There's a reason why people have friends. It was never like that with us, because she's not you . But she always pushed me, and motivated me, and if it weren't for her, I probably would've just quit running." He rakes his hands through his hair. "I know I fucked up. I know. But please don't turn this into something it's not."
"So you expect me to believe," I say, quietly, "that from the very beginning, you've been hiding a friendship you have with another woman...because...I just wouldn't get it?"
"I know how it sounds," he says, again. He sounds tired.
"Once again, I don't think you do ." My mind is reeling. Could he possibly be telling the truth?
No. No. Fuck no. I won't let this happen again. I learned my lesson the first time, didn't I? Of all the things I learned with Andrew, there's one that stands out as the most crucial.
Trust your instincts.
Trust your instincts.
Trust your instincts.
When Andrew brought his "friend" around, I ignored the ugly, jealous feeling in the back of my mind. I refused to let my head realize what my heart already knew. I was loving, supportive, and more than that, I trusted him. I trusted him, even when everybody else in the world told me it wasn't normal. That it wasn't right.
She didn't have a lot of money, Andrew's girl. Neither did he, particularly, neither did any of us, but she was still in graduate school. She was always on the verge of some educational or financial disaster, and I remember coaching her through some of them, making her hot chocolate once. Mothering her, almost.
Once she came around, Andrew stopped bothering me about when we were going to start a family. We were both so young, I just wanted to spend a little more time with him, get to know myself, save a little money. I didn't want to raise a baby in a one-bedroom apartment when I had to go down to the street to the laundromat. But this girl, this friend, she suddenly started occupying his time and energy. She was always in need of help or advice.
Andrew's sister took one look at the two of them together, and she told me they were lovers.
I told her she was crazy.
Guess who's crazy now?
After almost a year of this, being gaslighted, being made to feel like a third wheel in my own relationship, I couldn't take any more. I snooped.
You have to understand, that's not me. I'm not that person. But when you feel your life start crumbling out from beneath your feet, you'll find you don't know what kind of person you are anymore.
It was all laid out for me, in gory detail. They'd gone out to pick up some dinner together, and I stayed home. Yes, specifically to snoop. Yes, that's who he turned me into.
She had been playing around on his laptop, and when I opened the screen, her accounts were still logged in. Fucking idiot. That stupid, naive little homewrecker. Thinking she was so special. Thinking he wouldn't someday up and leave her, as eagerly as he up and left me.
And that was how it went down. When I confronted them, she ran away crying. I never saw her again. Andrew hurled accusations about what a terrible girlfriend I was, packed a bag, and disappeared.
I told Dean all of this. The whole, devastating story. Now I know the wheels in his head must've been turning that whole time, thinking of his girl, Jessica, the woman on the
"Worry!" he almost shouts, standing up and pacing halfway across the room in a single breath. "I knew it would freak you out, okay? I was scared of losing you. But I didn't want to give up the best friendship of my life, either. I thought I could have both. She and I would just spend time together at work, and that would be it. That would be our time."
The idea of him planning out this secret life, his special time with another woman while I sat at home alone - my stomach roils.
He's starting to calm down a little and realize how it sounds, but it's too late to take the words back now. "It's not that I...it's just, she's different. You know? There's a reason why people have friends. It was never like that with us, because she's not you . But she always pushed me, and motivated me, and if it weren't for her, I probably would've just quit running." He rakes his hands through his hair. "I know I fucked up. I know. But please don't turn this into something it's not."
"So you expect me to believe," I say, quietly, "that from the very beginning, you've been hiding a friendship you have with another woman...because...I just wouldn't get it?"
"I know how it sounds," he says, again. He sounds tired.
"Once again, I don't think you do ." My mind is reeling. Could he possibly be telling the truth?
No. No. Fuck no. I won't let this happen again. I learned my lesson the first time, didn't I? Of all the things I learned with Andrew, there's one that stands out as the most crucial.
Trust your instincts.
Trust your instincts.
Trust your instincts.
When Andrew brought his "friend" around, I ignored the ugly, jealous feeling in the back of my mind. I refused to let my head realize what my heart already knew. I was loving, supportive, and more than that, I trusted him. I trusted him, even when everybody else in the world told me it wasn't normal. That it wasn't right.
She didn't have a lot of money, Andrew's girl. Neither did he, particularly, neither did any of us, but she was still in graduate school. She was always on the verge of some educational or financial disaster, and I remember coaching her through some of them, making her hot chocolate once. Mothering her, almost.
Once she came around, Andrew stopped bothering me about when we were going to start a family. We were both so young, I just wanted to spend a little more time with him, get to know myself, save a little money. I didn't want to raise a baby in a one-bedroom apartment when I had to go down to the street to the laundromat. But this girl, this friend, she suddenly started occupying his time and energy. She was always in need of help or advice.
Andrew's sister took one look at the two of them together, and she told me they were lovers.
I told her she was crazy.
Guess who's crazy now?
After almost a year of this, being gaslighted, being made to feel like a third wheel in my own relationship, I couldn't take any more. I snooped.
You have to understand, that's not me. I'm not that person. But when you feel your life start crumbling out from beneath your feet, you'll find you don't know what kind of person you are anymore.
It was all laid out for me, in gory detail. They'd gone out to pick up some dinner together, and I stayed home. Yes, specifically to snoop. Yes, that's who he turned me into.
She had been playing around on his laptop, and when I opened the screen, her accounts were still logged in. Fucking idiot. That stupid, naive little homewrecker. Thinking she was so special. Thinking he wouldn't someday up and leave her, as eagerly as he up and left me.
And that was how it went down. When I confronted them, she ran away crying. I never saw her again. Andrew hurled accusations about what a terrible girlfriend I was, packed a bag, and disappeared.
I told Dean all of this. The whole, devastating story. Now I know the wheels in his head must've been turning that whole time, thinking of his girl, Jessica, the woman on the
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