continues, as if he doesn’t want to think about the hurt he caused by cutting Olly out of his life. ‘I had to leave. I can’t explain it, I’m not doing a good job, but all I knew was I needed to clear my head and make a new start. I ended up staying with Uncle Tom for three years, working in his vineyard and learning about the wine business.’
‘How’s Tubster?’ Joe asks towards the end of our lunch, both of us in need of some lighter conversation. ‘Tubster’ was Olly’s nickname for Jamie.
‘He’s dating someone called Amanda. She’s awful,’ I confess. ‘Calls him Jamie dearest, and orders him about, almost treats him like her child.’
‘I once had a girlfriend called Amanda, but it was over the moment she told me it was my bathtime.’
I smile, more at Joe’s deadpan delivery.
‘And Sylvie?’
‘Works in marketing. Going out with her boss.’ I fold my napkin in half, then halve it again.
‘You used to do that with crisp packets too.’
I look up, blushing. ‘And you? Are you married, Joe?’ As I ask him, I recall Annie saying he was the most eligible bachelor in town.
‘I have a girlfriend. Peta.’ His eyes warm up. ‘She’s an actress.’
‘How did you meet?’
‘Here. She’s lovely. We haven’t known one another for long but I like her, a lot.’ He runs a hand through his hair. ‘Rebecca, if you don’t want to talk about it, I’d understand. But how did it happen? The accident?’
I tell Joe he was on his motorbike. ‘He was taking a short cut, thought he could overtake …’ I breathe deeply, remembering how I’d been waiting for him to return, but knowing something was wrong the moment I heard the loud knock on the door.
I press a hand to my forehead. ‘What hurts is it was so avoidable.’
‘We’re all guilty of taking stupid risks,’ claims Joe. ‘Doing a quick overtake or going through a red light because we’re in a hurry. We never think it’s going to happen to us.’
I nod.
‘And then you discovered you were pregnant?’
‘Yes.’
Joe looks awkward, unsure how to comfort me. ‘I wish I’d seen him,’ he says. ‘I tried to call, some time ago now. I tracked you down, left messages. I never heard back from you so I assumed you still didn’t want anything to do with me.’
‘We’ve all done things we regret,’ I say, ‘me included.’
I cycle home. ‘What did you want to talk to me about that day, Olly?’ I’d promised myself not to go over and over the same question, promised Kitty not to torture myself, but talking to Joe has brought it all back. ‘You were quiet over breakfast. What was worrying you? Why were you so distracted?’
‘He called?’ Olly says. ‘When? Why didn’t you tell me, Becca?’
I pedal faster; under the arch by the print shop, past the Wykeham Arms pub. ‘You haven’t answered my question, Olly. I need to know.’
‘You haven’t answered mine. Why did you hate Joe? What happened between you two?’
12
Bristol University, Ten Years Ago
Alone in my bedroom I tear open the letter. It’s from the director of the art academy in Florence.
I read it and reread it, just to make sure. ‘We are pleased to inform you …’
I do a little dance before rushing downstairs to phone Kitty. After she’s congratulated me, she brings me back down to earth with a bump. ‘You’ll have to tell your parents now.’
I twist the telephone cord with one hand.
‘Olly will miss you too.’ There’s a pause. ‘You have told him, haven’t you?’
‘Give me a chance. I’ve only just found out.’
‘Yeah, but he knows you applied, right?’
Kitty understands the meaning of my silence.
*
Olly will be happy for me, I tell myself, dread in my heart, as I head for the library, hoping to find him revising. Summer exams are looming. He’ll understand this is an incredible opportunity. I want to follow my dream and be an artist.
I look back to that day when my father showed me some old sketchbooks belonging to
‘How’s Tubster?’ Joe asks towards the end of our lunch, both of us in need of some lighter conversation. ‘Tubster’ was Olly’s nickname for Jamie.
‘He’s dating someone called Amanda. She’s awful,’ I confess. ‘Calls him Jamie dearest, and orders him about, almost treats him like her child.’
‘I once had a girlfriend called Amanda, but it was over the moment she told me it was my bathtime.’
I smile, more at Joe’s deadpan delivery.
‘And Sylvie?’
‘Works in marketing. Going out with her boss.’ I fold my napkin in half, then halve it again.
‘You used to do that with crisp packets too.’
I look up, blushing. ‘And you? Are you married, Joe?’ As I ask him, I recall Annie saying he was the most eligible bachelor in town.
‘I have a girlfriend. Peta.’ His eyes warm up. ‘She’s an actress.’
‘How did you meet?’
‘Here. She’s lovely. We haven’t known one another for long but I like her, a lot.’ He runs a hand through his hair. ‘Rebecca, if you don’t want to talk about it, I’d understand. But how did it happen? The accident?’
I tell Joe he was on his motorbike. ‘He was taking a short cut, thought he could overtake …’ I breathe deeply, remembering how I’d been waiting for him to return, but knowing something was wrong the moment I heard the loud knock on the door.
I press a hand to my forehead. ‘What hurts is it was so avoidable.’
‘We’re all guilty of taking stupid risks,’ claims Joe. ‘Doing a quick overtake or going through a red light because we’re in a hurry. We never think it’s going to happen to us.’
I nod.
‘And then you discovered you were pregnant?’
‘Yes.’
Joe looks awkward, unsure how to comfort me. ‘I wish I’d seen him,’ he says. ‘I tried to call, some time ago now. I tracked you down, left messages. I never heard back from you so I assumed you still didn’t want anything to do with me.’
‘We’ve all done things we regret,’ I say, ‘me included.’
I cycle home. ‘What did you want to talk to me about that day, Olly?’ I’d promised myself not to go over and over the same question, promised Kitty not to torture myself, but talking to Joe has brought it all back. ‘You were quiet over breakfast. What was worrying you? Why were you so distracted?’
‘He called?’ Olly says. ‘When? Why didn’t you tell me, Becca?’
I pedal faster; under the arch by the print shop, past the Wykeham Arms pub. ‘You haven’t answered my question, Olly. I need to know.’
‘You haven’t answered mine. Why did you hate Joe? What happened between you two?’
12
Bristol University, Ten Years Ago
Alone in my bedroom I tear open the letter. It’s from the director of the art academy in Florence.
I read it and reread it, just to make sure. ‘We are pleased to inform you …’
I do a little dance before rushing downstairs to phone Kitty. After she’s congratulated me, she brings me back down to earth with a bump. ‘You’ll have to tell your parents now.’
I twist the telephone cord with one hand.
‘Olly will miss you too.’ There’s a pause. ‘You have told him, haven’t you?’
‘Give me a chance. I’ve only just found out.’
‘Yeah, but he knows you applied, right?’
Kitty understands the meaning of my silence.
*
Olly will be happy for me, I tell myself, dread in my heart, as I head for the library, hoping to find him revising. Summer exams are looming. He’ll understand this is an incredible opportunity. I want to follow my dream and be an artist.
I look back to that day when my father showed me some old sketchbooks belonging to
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