she sat
herself down on the empty bench across from him, so that her face was in
perfect profile and I could only watch as she sighed, her forehead puckering in
that maddening way it did when she was confused.
I stood up, ready to move across those four
tables and take her away from this. The nasty area, the
horrid stench and most of all him. The wreck of a man she’d come here to
see. As I walked forward and took a deep breath, her words reached me then,
across the café and I knew what she was going to say before she even did, like
I’d breathed them in.
“ It’s okay, Alex. It’s
okay.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Lucy: Knight in shining armor? Well okay then.
Alex was looking worse than ever. He’d lost
weight again and he couldn’t really even be affording to lose anymore. His
clothes were dirty, ragged. The combat jacket was soiled along the front and
grimy around the sleeves. I couldn’t bear to think about when he’d last
showered. Months ago probably.
He looked up at me, tears streaming down his
eyes, and I frowned. “ It’s okay, Alex. It’s okay.”
He shook his head and I sighed, feeling my heart
drop. Maybe it would be easier if he wasn’t such a wreck. If he didn’t make me
feel so guilty every time I saw him.
“When did you last eat?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I dunno .”
“I’ll get something for you,” I said, beckoning
to the guy behind the counter.
Alex shook his head. “You’ve done enough. I’m
sorry my texts were so…I used the pre-paid cell phone you got me. I didn’t sell
it,” he assured me. “Not like the last one.”
Tears pricked my eyes. “Good. That’s good.”
“Lucy—”
“We need to talk, Alex,” I said slowly, before
he could start apologizing again because that was the way these meetings went.
He’d be demanding when he needed the money but as soon as he had it guilt would
fill him. He’d sob and tell me it was the last time ever. That he’d never
bother me again. Only he would. He couldn’t help it. The addiction held him in
a grip so tight nothing would make him let it go.
My fault. All my fault.
“What is it, Luce?” he asked, though I could see
his leg twitching. He was in a hurry to leave. To go and
score no doubt.
I decided to be blunt. “I can’t give you any
more money, Alex,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry, but I can’t.”
He shuddered. “That’s fine.”
Of course he didn’t mean it. When he was strung
out he’d beg and scream until I caved in. “Things are different now,” I
continued, needing to explain my decision to abandon him. “My life is changing,
and I can’t afford to lose so much money every month. I’m going to have responsibilities.
This morning…well…I realized….and…” I shook myself because it was Giles who
should hear that news first, not Alex. “I have some money put aside though,” I
added. “It’s not a lot, but I looked online earlier today and I think it will
just about cover a treatment program.”
“Lucy—”
I held up a hand. “I know you keep saying you’ll
think about it. But it’s crunch time now, Alex. We
need to do something.”
He looked up at that and I saw something there
in his eyes. A spark of the man I’d once known. “What do you mean?”
“Like treatment. An addiction
recovery program.”
He shook his head. “No. Before. How is it changing?”
Absentmindedly I reached down and placed a hand
on my stomach, a thrill of pleasure shooting through me again at the thought.
“Well…”
“I think I’d like to know that too.”
Oh. My. God . My heart froze, blood rushed through my head, and I squeezed the
countertop, barely able to believe I was hearing that voice. “Giles?”
There he stood. Dressed in his
office clothes too. His hair in its usual disarray. Looking beyond scrumptious. The father of your child . I
gulped and took a deep breath trying to center myself. Almost afraid to look
into his eyes, worried about what I’d see there
herself down on the empty bench across from him, so that her face was in
perfect profile and I could only watch as she sighed, her forehead puckering in
that maddening way it did when she was confused.
I stood up, ready to move across those four
tables and take her away from this. The nasty area, the
horrid stench and most of all him. The wreck of a man she’d come here to
see. As I walked forward and took a deep breath, her words reached me then,
across the café and I knew what she was going to say before she even did, like
I’d breathed them in.
“ It’s okay, Alex. It’s
okay.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Lucy: Knight in shining armor? Well okay then.
Alex was looking worse than ever. He’d lost
weight again and he couldn’t really even be affording to lose anymore. His
clothes were dirty, ragged. The combat jacket was soiled along the front and
grimy around the sleeves. I couldn’t bear to think about when he’d last
showered. Months ago probably.
He looked up at me, tears streaming down his
eyes, and I frowned. “ It’s okay, Alex. It’s okay.”
He shook his head and I sighed, feeling my heart
drop. Maybe it would be easier if he wasn’t such a wreck. If he didn’t make me
feel so guilty every time I saw him.
“When did you last eat?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I dunno .”
“I’ll get something for you,” I said, beckoning
to the guy behind the counter.
Alex shook his head. “You’ve done enough. I’m
sorry my texts were so…I used the pre-paid cell phone you got me. I didn’t sell
it,” he assured me. “Not like the last one.”
Tears pricked my eyes. “Good. That’s good.”
“Lucy—”
“We need to talk, Alex,” I said slowly, before
he could start apologizing again because that was the way these meetings went.
He’d be demanding when he needed the money but as soon as he had it guilt would
fill him. He’d sob and tell me it was the last time ever. That he’d never
bother me again. Only he would. He couldn’t help it. The addiction held him in
a grip so tight nothing would make him let it go.
My fault. All my fault.
“What is it, Luce?” he asked, though I could see
his leg twitching. He was in a hurry to leave. To go and
score no doubt.
I decided to be blunt. “I can’t give you any
more money, Alex,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry, but I can’t.”
He shuddered. “That’s fine.”
Of course he didn’t mean it. When he was strung
out he’d beg and scream until I caved in. “Things are different now,” I
continued, needing to explain my decision to abandon him. “My life is changing,
and I can’t afford to lose so much money every month. I’m going to have responsibilities.
This morning…well…I realized….and…” I shook myself because it was Giles who
should hear that news first, not Alex. “I have some money put aside though,” I
added. “It’s not a lot, but I looked online earlier today and I think it will
just about cover a treatment program.”
“Lucy—”
I held up a hand. “I know you keep saying you’ll
think about it. But it’s crunch time now, Alex. We
need to do something.”
He looked up at that and I saw something there
in his eyes. A spark of the man I’d once known. “What do you mean?”
“Like treatment. An addiction
recovery program.”
He shook his head. “No. Before. How is it changing?”
Absentmindedly I reached down and placed a hand
on my stomach, a thrill of pleasure shooting through me again at the thought.
“Well…”
“I think I’d like to know that too.”
Oh. My. God . My heart froze, blood rushed through my head, and I squeezed the
countertop, barely able to believe I was hearing that voice. “Giles?”
There he stood. Dressed in his
office clothes too. His hair in its usual disarray. Looking beyond scrumptious. The father of your child . I
gulped and took a deep breath trying to center myself. Almost afraid to look
into his eyes, worried about what I’d see there
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