Talk to Strangers: How Everyday, Random Encounters Can Expand Your Business, Career, Income, and Life by David Topus Page A
Authors: David Topus
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eyes
Look at the other person
Have nothing but the other person on their mind
Make irrelevant responses
Respond appropriately
Make consistent eye contact
Talk about themselves more than the other person
Let the other person know they’re listening
Respond with comments that add value to the conversation
Check their smartphones in the middle of conversations
Ask relevant questions
Play back what they heard and check for understanding
Change topics often
Allow the other person to lead the conversation
Ask highly relevant questions that lead to high-quality information
Make it safe for the other person to share information about himself or herself
Pick up subtleties about what is being said and “listen” for the meaning behind the words
Delve below the surface
When you want to connect with a complete stranger and create a successful relationship, there is nothing more important in that moment than that person . Your ability to listen, focus, track, and respond appropriately will build the credibility and mutual respect that paves the way for a meaningful—and hopefully mutually rewarding—interaction.
People appreciate when others listen to them. It garners mutual respect. And it separates you from the pack in random connecting. It enables you to move the conversation and relationship toward productive outcomes, because it tells the other person you care about and respect him or her.
When you are fully and completely focused on other people, you look at them. You track what they’re saying. You listen to the words they’re saying and the meaning behind those words. You ask for clarification and elaboration. You send verbal and nonverbal signals that let them know you’re paying attention and are interested in what’s on their mind and in their heart. You may not necessarily agree with everything that they’re saying, but you hear it, you acknowledge it, and you respect the person’s right to express it.
Good listening is an attribute of effective communicators, with everyone and in every situation. It is especially important in random connections, because you have to overcome the fact that you’re a stranger. So your interpersonal skills have added significance. Good listening doesn’t only help build your credibility; it gives you the information you need to know what’s possible in the relationship. By listening carefully and attentively, you discover not just what your new connection does for a living but who that person is, what he or she needs, and what’s important to that person.
Chapter at a Glance
Great communicators focus solely on the other person.
When you give the other person your full attention, he or she feels respected and regarded.
Use your comments and gestures to let the other person know you are focused on him or her.
Listen more than you talk.
Chapter 18
Discover the Buried Treasure
How do you know exactly what kind of potential this random encounter represents? Is this person someone who runs a department in a company? An entire company? Is this new connection an investor? A small-business owner? Retired? Undergoing a career transition? Maybe this person is none of the above but well connected to all the right people around town. Knowing what you are looking for—having a clear idea of your primary outcome—will allow you to guide the conversation to discover what is possible through your new connection.
Of course, you don’t want to come across as someone who’s disingenuous or blatantly hunting for leads. However, once you have initiated a conversation and proved you’re not going to steal the other person’s identity, you will want to determine whether that person is, in fact, someone worth knowing. Sure, everyone has something to offer; it could simply be good company for the ride (or the wait, or the party). And everyone knows someone who’s worth knowing. But if your long-term goal is to expand
Look at the other person
Have nothing but the other person on their mind
Make irrelevant responses
Respond appropriately
Make consistent eye contact
Talk about themselves more than the other person
Let the other person know they’re listening
Respond with comments that add value to the conversation
Check their smartphones in the middle of conversations
Ask relevant questions
Play back what they heard and check for understanding
Change topics often
Allow the other person to lead the conversation
Ask highly relevant questions that lead to high-quality information
Make it safe for the other person to share information about himself or herself
Pick up subtleties about what is being said and “listen” for the meaning behind the words
Delve below the surface
When you want to connect with a complete stranger and create a successful relationship, there is nothing more important in that moment than that person . Your ability to listen, focus, track, and respond appropriately will build the credibility and mutual respect that paves the way for a meaningful—and hopefully mutually rewarding—interaction.
People appreciate when others listen to them. It garners mutual respect. And it separates you from the pack in random connecting. It enables you to move the conversation and relationship toward productive outcomes, because it tells the other person you care about and respect him or her.
When you are fully and completely focused on other people, you look at them. You track what they’re saying. You listen to the words they’re saying and the meaning behind those words. You ask for clarification and elaboration. You send verbal and nonverbal signals that let them know you’re paying attention and are interested in what’s on their mind and in their heart. You may not necessarily agree with everything that they’re saying, but you hear it, you acknowledge it, and you respect the person’s right to express it.
Good listening is an attribute of effective communicators, with everyone and in every situation. It is especially important in random connections, because you have to overcome the fact that you’re a stranger. So your interpersonal skills have added significance. Good listening doesn’t only help build your credibility; it gives you the information you need to know what’s possible in the relationship. By listening carefully and attentively, you discover not just what your new connection does for a living but who that person is, what he or she needs, and what’s important to that person.
Chapter at a Glance
Great communicators focus solely on the other person.
When you give the other person your full attention, he or she feels respected and regarded.
Use your comments and gestures to let the other person know you are focused on him or her.
Listen more than you talk.
Chapter 18
Discover the Buried Treasure
How do you know exactly what kind of potential this random encounter represents? Is this person someone who runs a department in a company? An entire company? Is this new connection an investor? A small-business owner? Retired? Undergoing a career transition? Maybe this person is none of the above but well connected to all the right people around town. Knowing what you are looking for—having a clear idea of your primary outcome—will allow you to guide the conversation to discover what is possible through your new connection.
Of course, you don’t want to come across as someone who’s disingenuous or blatantly hunting for leads. However, once you have initiated a conversation and proved you’re not going to steal the other person’s identity, you will want to determine whether that person is, in fact, someone worth knowing. Sure, everyone has something to offer; it could simply be good company for the ride (or the wait, or the party). And everyone knows someone who’s worth knowing. But if your long-term goal is to expand
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