whileâin fact they can get on your nerves if youâre a bit down.
Well, Kate Mandeville, this has been your lifeâfrom my point of view, anyway.
J ULY 3
Had nothing to do this afternoon so I tried to ring Mum, got no answer; tried to ring Chloe and got Lynette instead. She said Chloe had gone to the movies with a guy called BrendonâIâve never heard of him before. I made the big effort and talked to Lynette a bit. She was pleased, I suppose. Sheâs got a promotion in her jobâsheâs running a new department, looking after Japanese customers or something. I didnât know she spoke Japanese.
I wonder what growing up was like for her. She seems so confident and polished. I wonder if she ever got so depressed she felt like pulling the plug. Itâs hard to imagine, but you never know with people.
J ULY 4
Dear Lisa,
Oh, so much to say, but I donât know where to start! Lisa, thereâs a lot about you that I didnât understand before. If only you let people like Sarah and Rikki read this Journal! So many people think youâre toughâno, not tough, sorry, that sounds terribleâbut strong, and a bit hard to approach. They say you never show your feelings or tell anyone your problems and I think they assume that maybe you donât like them much.
This is coming out badly. What I mean is, everyone likes you, obviouslyâif they took a vote for School Captain in our year youâd win easilyâbut maybe theyâre a bit scared of you. The trouble is, they have long memories, and I think they remember how hard you were with Natasha when her parents separated last year. I donât think anyone realised your parents had just broken upâand of course you, being you, didnât tell anyone.
Things have changed since then, obviouslyâpeople like you because youâre generous and youâre always doing things to help people and you never whinge or backstab. But they still find you hard to get to know.
Reading your Journal has been the first time that Iâve felt Iâve really started to get to know you. The things about you and your familyâI felt privileged to be allowed to read them. The stuff about Kate and Sophie was really funny. Iâd forgotten a lot of the things youâve put down hereâas you noticed I donât write so much about school, but I loved some of your stories. Iâm glad you liked reading my Journal, tooâand Iâm glad I showed it to you.
Lisa, I hope weâll be much better friends after this. Have a good rage tomorrow nightâthereâs some real dolls at St Lukeâs. I canât wait. Have a good mid-term too. Iâm so nervous about having Marina to stay, but Iâm glad she is.
Heaps and stax of love, Cathy.
J ULY 5
Dear Lisa,
I hope you wonât be angry with me for writing in your Journal. I donât think Iâd like anybody to write in mine. But I saw the way you were all swapping Journals last night, so I thought maybe you wouldnât mind.
I wish someone had asked me to write in theirs but I can understand why they didnât.
So, I am a gatecrasher in your book. Itâs a strange feeling, like Iâm talking to you, but with a muffled voice. I wonder if I will have the courage to watch your face as you read this.
Lisa, the thing I find hard right now is that everyone is putting so much pressure on me to talk. I feel they watch me like cats in a garden, waiting for me to speak, to perform.
I canât understand how people can use words so casually. They talk without thinking: they open their mouths and the words run out like water from a tap. I used to be like that once. Now Iâve learnt that words are precious, dangerous things.
Lisa, please talk to me, make me talk, ask me questions, force me to speak.
I canât stand my own silence.
M.
Â
Help! Iâve just found this, and sheâs already left. Sheâs gone with Cathy for
Cheyenne McCray
Jeanette Skutinik
Lisa Shearin
James Lincoln Collier
Ashley Pullo
B.A. Morton
Eden Bradley
Anne Blankman
David Horscroft
D Jordan Redhawk