all night while you sleep. Is it research or do you just like music that much?”
She looked over at me and she looked almost hurt. “Ky don't.”
I tilted my head at her, then looked back at the ceiling. It was quiet for a few seconds. I decided to change the topic but she started talking in a whisper. “Can you keep a secret?” Then she turned her head to look nervously at me. She gave a sad smile. “Of course you can...”
She took a deep breath. “I have to have the noise or the silence will come crashing down around me and remind me I am alone. I know... I sound pathetic. I'm sure a shrink would have a great time sifting around in my head.”
I shook my head and snuck my hand into hers and laced our fingers. I gave her hand a little squeeze. “Not at all. But... why?”
She took a breath and shot another quick glance at me. I could tell this was hard for her and I couldn't believe she felt comfortable confiding in me. Her lips were pressed into a straight line on her face then she started speaking again, “It sort of all goes back to my mom again.”
I turned my head and watched her as she spoke. “She always had to work two or three jobs to make ends meet. She was never around. I can't blame her, she was just doing the best she could and raising a child on her own on top of it. She was always mad, always yelling at me. The neighbor lady would watch me while she was working, but when I started first grade, Mrs. Heath had moved away.”
Her eyes looked almost haunted. “Mom couldn't afford a sitter, so when I wasn't at school I stayed in our apartment alone, her anger had doubled by then. There were two rules... so that we could stay together. When I got home from school I had to go into the apartment and lock the doors right away. And more importantly, I had to be as quiet as a mouse. Not make a sound so the the downstairs neighbors wouldn't know I was home alone.”
Her eyes looked watery as she continued. “It was always so silent all the time, I was constantly scared to death to make any noise until mom came home late at night. I was so alone and that silence was deafening, screaming in all around me. Then mom would be gone in the morning to work with cereal waiting on the table for me to eat before the school bus came.”
She closed her eyes, she looked so... broken? “But one day when I was twelve, a new neighbor moved in downstairs. My silence was broken by the music they would always play. I craved that music. I wanted to live in the lyrics and let them wrap around me and hold me so I didn't have to live in my isolation. I didn't have any friends at school because they all made fun of my vitiligo. I became Amber Lee, Leper of District Three for the rest of my school days. But that music from downstairs became my friend. Whenever it wasn't playing, that deafening silence would attack, leaving me feeling so alone, on the verge of panic.”
She took a deep breath and her face took on a certain look of resolve and she turned to me. “So I became the music, and I want to share that music with everyone. I know how it can engulf you and share the emotion in the words and make you forget about everything.”
She ended in a shrug and an embarrassed smile with those watery eyes. I hurt so much for her, I wished there was something I could do to take that pain in her eyes away. I reached my hand down from her hair and laced my fingers with hers. I stared at the ceiling. “Tell me about Amber Lee. I want to know everything.”
I could feel her turn her head then she looked back at the ceiling. “There isn't much to tell, but I'll answer each question you have but you have to answer a question from me for each.”
I squeezed her hand. “Deal.”
Then we spent hours just lying there talking about ourselves, about life, about our dreams. Truth be told, I could have shared with this fascinating woman
She looked over at me and she looked almost hurt. “Ky don't.”
I tilted my head at her, then looked back at the ceiling. It was quiet for a few seconds. I decided to change the topic but she started talking in a whisper. “Can you keep a secret?” Then she turned her head to look nervously at me. She gave a sad smile. “Of course you can...”
She took a deep breath. “I have to have the noise or the silence will come crashing down around me and remind me I am alone. I know... I sound pathetic. I'm sure a shrink would have a great time sifting around in my head.”
I shook my head and snuck my hand into hers and laced our fingers. I gave her hand a little squeeze. “Not at all. But... why?”
She took a breath and shot another quick glance at me. I could tell this was hard for her and I couldn't believe she felt comfortable confiding in me. Her lips were pressed into a straight line on her face then she started speaking again, “It sort of all goes back to my mom again.”
I turned my head and watched her as she spoke. “She always had to work two or three jobs to make ends meet. She was never around. I can't blame her, she was just doing the best she could and raising a child on her own on top of it. She was always mad, always yelling at me. The neighbor lady would watch me while she was working, but when I started first grade, Mrs. Heath had moved away.”
Her eyes looked almost haunted. “Mom couldn't afford a sitter, so when I wasn't at school I stayed in our apartment alone, her anger had doubled by then. There were two rules... so that we could stay together. When I got home from school I had to go into the apartment and lock the doors right away. And more importantly, I had to be as quiet as a mouse. Not make a sound so the the downstairs neighbors wouldn't know I was home alone.”
Her eyes looked watery as she continued. “It was always so silent all the time, I was constantly scared to death to make any noise until mom came home late at night. I was so alone and that silence was deafening, screaming in all around me. Then mom would be gone in the morning to work with cereal waiting on the table for me to eat before the school bus came.”
She closed her eyes, she looked so... broken? “But one day when I was twelve, a new neighbor moved in downstairs. My silence was broken by the music they would always play. I craved that music. I wanted to live in the lyrics and let them wrap around me and hold me so I didn't have to live in my isolation. I didn't have any friends at school because they all made fun of my vitiligo. I became Amber Lee, Leper of District Three for the rest of my school days. But that music from downstairs became my friend. Whenever it wasn't playing, that deafening silence would attack, leaving me feeling so alone, on the verge of panic.”
She took a deep breath and her face took on a certain look of resolve and she turned to me. “So I became the music, and I want to share that music with everyone. I know how it can engulf you and share the emotion in the words and make you forget about everything.”
She ended in a shrug and an embarrassed smile with those watery eyes. I hurt so much for her, I wished there was something I could do to take that pain in her eyes away. I reached my hand down from her hair and laced my fingers with hers. I stared at the ceiling. “Tell me about Amber Lee. I want to know everything.”
I could feel her turn her head then she looked back at the ceiling. “There isn't much to tell, but I'll answer each question you have but you have to answer a question from me for each.”
I squeezed her hand. “Deal.”
Then we spent hours just lying there talking about ourselves, about life, about our dreams. Truth be told, I could have shared with this fascinating woman
Similar Books
