my mask and pull on my flippers, I can feel Luke watching me. His gaze is heavy, almost as if he’s touching me.
“What?” I pretend to blow nonexistent water from the snorkel.
“Nothing. I… you’re just… I’m excited that you’re down for this. A lot of girls would think this was a weird first date, you know? But you’re like, comfortable. I like that.”
“What kind of girls have you been hanging out with? Wait. Don’t answer that.” I’m not exactly comfortable. But he’s so easy, so relaxed, that I almost can’t help but be too. I just can’t shake the energy that surges through me every time I’m around him. Maybe it’s nerves or excitement. Maybe it’s happiness. It’s been so long since I’ve felt those things, I hardly recognize them.
Luke raises his hands in surrender. “No. I actually haven’t brought anyone here.” He grabs my hands and easily pulls me to standing. “Want your rematch now?”
I shake my head slowly. “When you least expect it.” I prop my mask on top of my head and we waddle toward the water. I know I look ridiculous. But Luke looks ridiculous too, so I don’t care. I keep my hand on his arm for support I don’t actually need.
“Ready?” The breeze whips through Luke’s hair. His curls twist and turn over his forehead, hiding his eyes. “If you get tired, just give me a little signal.”
“Like what?”
“Like, um….” He tugs his right ear. “That’ll be our sign that it’s time to swim back. Very official snorkeling sign language.”
“So, like, when I’m kicking your ass out there, that’s how I’ll know you’re giving up?” The water slips over my ankles, freezing cold despite the heat. My breath catches in my throat.
“Pretty big talk.” Luke pulls on his mask. “Just don’t get in over your head.”
“I won’t.” I fiddle with my own mask and tighten the strap. Then I slosh into the salty blue-green behind Luke, knowing that it’s too late. I’m already in over my head. I follow him into the depths, leaving the shore and my doubts behind me.
chapter twelve
Elle,
The Hamptons are… AMAZING. Seriously. You’ve never seen a house like this. It’ll be David’s when he turns 21. Lucky bastard. Seriously, though, it feels good to be away from Mom for a few days. It’s, like, freeing. Now I know how you feel every day.
Love you for infinity,
A
It’s been two years, maybe three, since I’ve snorkeled, but my body slips naturally into rhythm next to Luke’s. My legs propel me through the cloudy blue of the surf. My breath marks the time in steady puffs. I stay slightly behind him, my head at his torso. I can feel my body beginning to relax, leaving tension and fear and doubt to bleed into the water with every stroke.
I keep my head down, letting the patterns of light on the sandy floor lull me into a meditative state. Silvery fish dart at odd angles beneath us, making quick entrances and exits. I like feeling the warmth and safety of Luke’s body next to me without having to look for him. I like that he’s sharing this part of himself, this secret place that he’s kept for himself all these years. I like that he trusts me with it.
If he’s starting to trust me, starting to open up, why can’t I do the same? It’s not like he’s naïve. He’s experienced tragedy in his own life. He knows that families can be destroyed in an instant. But even as the thoughts flicker through my mind, I know that our situations aren’t the same. Luke’s family was killed in an accident, in circumstances completely out of their control. Mine exploded because of the things I did to betray my father. Luke’s said so many times that family is important to him. What would he think of me if he knew the role I’d played in destroying mine?
I feel Luke reach for my hand. With a single, swift kick, my body is next to his, my slippery skin grazing his torso. He intertwines his fingers with mine and squeezes. I
“What?” I pretend to blow nonexistent water from the snorkel.
“Nothing. I… you’re just… I’m excited that you’re down for this. A lot of girls would think this was a weird first date, you know? But you’re like, comfortable. I like that.”
“What kind of girls have you been hanging out with? Wait. Don’t answer that.” I’m not exactly comfortable. But he’s so easy, so relaxed, that I almost can’t help but be too. I just can’t shake the energy that surges through me every time I’m around him. Maybe it’s nerves or excitement. Maybe it’s happiness. It’s been so long since I’ve felt those things, I hardly recognize them.
Luke raises his hands in surrender. “No. I actually haven’t brought anyone here.” He grabs my hands and easily pulls me to standing. “Want your rematch now?”
I shake my head slowly. “When you least expect it.” I prop my mask on top of my head and we waddle toward the water. I know I look ridiculous. But Luke looks ridiculous too, so I don’t care. I keep my hand on his arm for support I don’t actually need.
“Ready?” The breeze whips through Luke’s hair. His curls twist and turn over his forehead, hiding his eyes. “If you get tired, just give me a little signal.”
“Like what?”
“Like, um….” He tugs his right ear. “That’ll be our sign that it’s time to swim back. Very official snorkeling sign language.”
“So, like, when I’m kicking your ass out there, that’s how I’ll know you’re giving up?” The water slips over my ankles, freezing cold despite the heat. My breath catches in my throat.
“Pretty big talk.” Luke pulls on his mask. “Just don’t get in over your head.”
“I won’t.” I fiddle with my own mask and tighten the strap. Then I slosh into the salty blue-green behind Luke, knowing that it’s too late. I’m already in over my head. I follow him into the depths, leaving the shore and my doubts behind me.
chapter twelve
Elle,
The Hamptons are… AMAZING. Seriously. You’ve never seen a house like this. It’ll be David’s when he turns 21. Lucky bastard. Seriously, though, it feels good to be away from Mom for a few days. It’s, like, freeing. Now I know how you feel every day.
Love you for infinity,
A
It’s been two years, maybe three, since I’ve snorkeled, but my body slips naturally into rhythm next to Luke’s. My legs propel me through the cloudy blue of the surf. My breath marks the time in steady puffs. I stay slightly behind him, my head at his torso. I can feel my body beginning to relax, leaving tension and fear and doubt to bleed into the water with every stroke.
I keep my head down, letting the patterns of light on the sandy floor lull me into a meditative state. Silvery fish dart at odd angles beneath us, making quick entrances and exits. I like feeling the warmth and safety of Luke’s body next to me without having to look for him. I like that he’s sharing this part of himself, this secret place that he’s kept for himself all these years. I like that he trusts me with it.
If he’s starting to trust me, starting to open up, why can’t I do the same? It’s not like he’s naïve. He’s experienced tragedy in his own life. He knows that families can be destroyed in an instant. But even as the thoughts flicker through my mind, I know that our situations aren’t the same. Luke’s family was killed in an accident, in circumstances completely out of their control. Mine exploded because of the things I did to betray my father. Luke’s said so many times that family is important to him. What would he think of me if he knew the role I’d played in destroying mine?
I feel Luke reach for my hand. With a single, swift kick, my body is next to his, my slippery skin grazing his torso. He intertwines his fingers with mine and squeezes. I
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