Suzy Zeus Gets Organized by Maggie Robbins

SUZY ZEUS SETS SOME LIMITS
     
    Suzy Zeus likes guys with handguns.
    Suzy Zeus likes beer in kegs.
    Suzy Zeus likes breaking windows.
    Suzy Zeus likes breaking eggs.
    Suzy's got a boyfriend, Harry.
    Touch him and she'll break your legs.
    Suzy likes her sister's undies.
    Suzy likes her brother Keith.
    Suzy likes her father's buck knife.
    Suzy likes its leather sheath.
    Suzy likes her boyfriend Harry.
    Touch him and she'll break your teeth.
    Suzy hails from Indiana,
    land of crops, of Fords and farms.
    Suzy lives in New York City,
    land of cops and car alarms.
    Suzy lives six blocks from Harry.
    Touch him and she'll break your arms.
    Suzy's got a kick-ass system.
    Suzy is what Suzy owns.
    Elton John and Cyndi Lauper,
    Fleetwood Mac, the Rolling Stones
    (Harry grooves to Waylon Jennings—
    touch him and she'll break your bones),
    Carly Simon, Sheena Easton,
    Wham!, the Roches, Yes, The Rose,
    Billy Joel, Duran Duran, and
    Handel oratorios.
    Harry's humming "My Sharona."
    Touch him and she'll break your nose.
    Suzy's got a bag of bridge mix.
    Suzy's got some frozen peas.
    Suzy's got a front-door dead bolt.
    Harry's got a set of keys.
    Harry's got a way with women.
    Touch him and she'll break your knees.
    Suzy stands before the mirror:
    sultry, soulful, calm, complete.
    Suzy loves her shapely shoulders,
    likes her nose, adores her feet.
    Wants a pair of mules in puce, a
    pair of pumps in parakeet.
    Harry asks her what she's up to.
    Asks her almost every night.
    Harry likes to see her naked,
    see her naked in the light.
    Harry never takes her dancing.
    Harry says her hair's a fright.
    Suzy Zeus is drinking whiskey.
    Suzy Zeus is making eyes.
    Suzy Zeus is making trouble
    at the bar, with other guys.
    Harry finds her, rips her dress off,
    leaves it bunched around her thighs.
    Suzy's got a can of bean dip.
    Suzy's got a can of mace.
    Suzy's got a Good News Bible.
    Suzy's got a real nice place.
    Harry's pissing out the window.
    Touch him and she'll break your face.
    SUZY CLEANS UP
     
    Suzy tried to fix her vacuum,
    found a bag for empty cans,
    drained the sink and rinsed the dishes,
    wiped the pot and both the pans.
    That was it for pressing details.
    That was it for weekend plans.
    Suzy rented Reefer Madness,
    thinking it was Jacques Cousteau.
    Now she's lying on the sofa
    —feeling quite adagio—
    flipping through a Car & Driver,
    slurping down a sloppy joe.
    Louie's Lonesome Diner beckons
    Suzy's taking Lisa's shift.
    Lisa's getting married Sunday.
    Suzy needs a card and gift.
    Yeah, the mini—Suzy's getting
    off at two, she'll want a lift.
    Harry's nuts for almond cookies.
    Suzy buys him chocolate chip.
    Harry has to work on weekends.
    Suzy phones the dealership.
    Harry's always with a client.
    Harry says they'll take a trip.
    Suzy wants her own small business.
    Suzy wants her own backyard.
    Suzy wants her own Jacuzzi.
    Suzy needs a gift and card.
    She'll become the Lonesome's owner,
    queen of Northern Boulevard.
    Lisa's theme is Hearts and Cupid.
    Lisa's dress is long and nice.
    Suzy thinks the whole thing's stupid.
    Suzy said she'd bring the rice.
    Suzy wouldn't marry Harry.
    Maybe if he asked her twice.
    SUZY TAKES THE WHEEL
     
    Suzy loves her manly boyfriend,
    loves him in the here and now.
    Suzy loves his manly features.
    Suzy loves his manly brow.
    Suzy wants to love forever.
    Touch her, tease her, tell her how.
    Suzy wants to oil her body,
    loose her hair and lose her head.
    Harry hasn't phoned since Tuesday.
    Could be missing, could be dead.
    Suzy wants to love forever.
    Touch her, tie her to the bed.
    Suzy's going to have it easy.
    Suzy's going to have it all.
    Suzy's feeling bold and breezy.
    Suzy isn't going to call.
    Suzy wants to love forever.
    Touch her, take her down the hall.
    Suzy's in her favorite sweater.
    Suzy's in her favorite dive.
    Men keep buying Suzy bourbon.
    Men keep Suzy Zeus alive.
    Suzy wants to live forever.
    Touch her, try her, let her drive.
    SUZY TAKES A TRIP
     
    Suzy Zeus went home for