anyway. Lindsay convinced me to use most of it for the cruise.”
“You should have booked a chalet in Aspen or something.”
“I think you are probably right.”
“But hey, if you had done that,” I said, holding my arms out wide and smiling, “you wouldn’t have met me and had the time of your life with the biggest asshole in the Caribbean detoxifying right in front of you!”
At least I made her laugh.
“You are an ass,” she agreed.
“I know,” I said, still smiling. I held up a chunk of fish meat. “At least I’m a useful ass.”
“Why are you so…cheerful all of a sudden?” she asked.
I tore another chunk of muscle with my teeth and ate it, looking at her and debating.
“I always feel this way after a fight,” I finally said. “Leftover adrenaline or something.”
“Is that when you started drinking? To get rid of the extra energy or whatever?”
“No,” I said shaking my head and scowling. “I might have a beer or something, but I never really drank after a fight.”
“When did you start to drink more?”
I looked over to her and knew this was exactly what she was waiting for, and she wasn’t going to let me out of it until I gave her some answers or fucking gagged her. I did want to gag her, but not quite in that way. I know – I’m fucking depraved.
“I didn’t start really drinking until after my last fight.”
“Did you lose?”
“I never lost,” I snorted. Losers didn’t walk away from a fight.
“Tell me about it,” she insisted.
“Finish eating and let me clean this shit up first,” I said with a sigh.
My mood fell a bit, and we ate in silence until neither of us could eat any more. I let us both drink a little more water than usual since we had enough for now, and the proteins in the fish would take more water to digest. I thought about taking a few of the bigger pieces of flesh from the Black Jack and cutting them into strips so they could dry, but I doubted we would have enough water left to eat them after a day or so anyway, so it all got pitched over the side. Raine helped me clean off the top of the canopy where we cleaned and ate the fish, wash out the towels, and get the canopy back in its track so it would offer us sun protection come morning.
Once we were back under the canopy and settled in, I sighed and looked over to her. She was barely illuminated by the little solar powered battery light at the top of the raft canopy. The light would only last a couple more hours, and I wondered how long it would take me to tell her all of this.
Part of me was glad – looking forward to it, even. I’d never told anyone how it all happened. Most of me was about as scared as I had ever been because I didn’t want her to know all of this about me. I took a long, deep breath and decided to just get on with it.
“I’m going to tell you a bunch of shit that’s totally illegal,” I said to Raine, looking her in the eye. “On the off chance we live through this, you can never tell anyone about it. If you do, someone’s likely to track you down and kill you.”
“If you’d kill me for knowing, why tell me?”
“It wouldn’t be me tracking you down,” I said. “Understand?”
She nodded and agreed not to repeat anything I was about to tell her. I didn’t know if I could trust her or not, but I was going to tell her anyway.
“The first time I sent someone to the hospital from a fight was third grade.” I waited for her gasp and wasn’t disappointed. “Yeah, I was a dick then, too. He only needed a couple of stitches, but still – I started early. I had a lot of energy and a lot of tension, and I didn’t know what to do with it. I always had problems with my temper, and anytime I got pissed off about something, I usually talked with my fists. No one ever really tried to get me to channel all the energy and anger somewhere else until Landon, and I was nearly an adult, then. If I remember
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