of was the hundreds, maybe thousands, of times he’d kissed Summer, and how that memory would always be there, ruining moments such as this.
She pulled away abruptly. “I just don’t know if Ican deal with all the history, Seth. The lies and anger and everything.”
Seth smiled wryly. “Nobody lied more last summer than you, Diana.”
“True. But that’s part of the problem. I know it’s my own fault, but I wonder if you can ever look at me and see
me
. Not the person who broke up you and Summer.”
“You didn’t break us up.” Seth gave a short laugh. “Well, you didn’t help, God knows. But the truth is, even Austin didn’t break us up. The problem was between Summer and me. It just wasn’t … working out.”
They resumed walking. After a while Seth took Diana’s hand again. She tried to enjoy the moment: the cool sand, the salt breeze, the feel of Seth’s warm fingers twining in hers, the sound of his steady breathing.
But she couldn’t. All she could do was imagine another night not so far in the future—a night when she’d have to walk alone on this same beach without Seth. A night when she’d know she’d lost him to Summer for good.
“Sometimes I wish I could just erase the past,” Diana said. “Get amnesia, maybe. I wouldn’t have to forget everything. Just the hard stuff. The stuff that hurts. The times I’ve disappointed people. The times people have disappointed me.”
“Are you talking about me?”
“No.” Diana shrugged. “You haven’t, not yet. I don’t know who I mean. Mallory. Other guys. Just … people.”
“If you lost all the bad stuff, the good stuff wouldn’t feel so good,” Seth said.
He paused, pulling her close. Diana laid her head on his shoulder, gazing out at the ocean, as invisible and mysterious as her future.
“We can’t wish our past away, Diana,” Seth whispered. “But maybe we can learn from it. Maybe you and I can find something Summer and I couldn’t find. Maybe we can find a way to make things work.”
They kissed again, long and slow. When Diana opened her eyes, she could just make out the moon glowing small and yellow, like a porch light on a foggy night.
13
Spoonbills and Stuffed Lambs
Two days later Summer was on the porch sorting through some recent purchases when she heard Austin’s car rattling up the drive.
Esme was in the front seat with him. She waited in the car while Austin removed yellow canvas and a large bundle of poles from the trunk.
“I come bearing gifts,” Austin called as he strode up the drive. He dropped the bundle at Summer’s feet.
“Is that a tent?” Summer asked.
“It’s a potential tent, anyway.”
“Khaki would have been more realistic. But I’ll take what I can get.”
“What’s in the big box?” Austin asked.
“Stuff,” Summer said evasively.
“Is that a canteen I see?”
Summer shoved the cardboard box toward him. “See for yourself. But if you don’t approve, just do me a favor and keep your mouth shut. I’m starting to have second thoughts as it is.”
“Two mess kits, an army blanket, a nurse’s cap, a helmet.” Austin whistled. “Where did you find all this?”
“Mostly the Goodwill outlet and that army surplus store up the highway.”
Austin shook his head. “So you’re really going through with this reunion?”
“I’m not sure anymore.” Summer yanked the box away. “It seemed like such a good idea at first, but then I started to have doubts when you were so dead set against it. And when I told Marquez and Diana about it, they just sort of rolled their eyes and said I was an incurable romantic. Well, Diana said I was an incurable romantic. Marquez said I was deranged.”
Austin frowned. “I went to all the trouble of finding you this tent,” he said. “Now I sort of feel let down.”
“You told me this idea was dumb.”
“I know, but I figured you’d barrel ahead with it anyway. You are incredibly stubborn, in case no one’s ever pointed that out
She pulled away abruptly. “I just don’t know if Ican deal with all the history, Seth. The lies and anger and everything.”
Seth smiled wryly. “Nobody lied more last summer than you, Diana.”
“True. But that’s part of the problem. I know it’s my own fault, but I wonder if you can ever look at me and see
me
. Not the person who broke up you and Summer.”
“You didn’t break us up.” Seth gave a short laugh. “Well, you didn’t help, God knows. But the truth is, even Austin didn’t break us up. The problem was between Summer and me. It just wasn’t … working out.”
They resumed walking. After a while Seth took Diana’s hand again. She tried to enjoy the moment: the cool sand, the salt breeze, the feel of Seth’s warm fingers twining in hers, the sound of his steady breathing.
But she couldn’t. All she could do was imagine another night not so far in the future—a night when she’d have to walk alone on this same beach without Seth. A night when she’d know she’d lost him to Summer for good.
“Sometimes I wish I could just erase the past,” Diana said. “Get amnesia, maybe. I wouldn’t have to forget everything. Just the hard stuff. The stuff that hurts. The times I’ve disappointed people. The times people have disappointed me.”
“Are you talking about me?”
“No.” Diana shrugged. “You haven’t, not yet. I don’t know who I mean. Mallory. Other guys. Just … people.”
“If you lost all the bad stuff, the good stuff wouldn’t feel so good,” Seth said.
He paused, pulling her close. Diana laid her head on his shoulder, gazing out at the ocean, as invisible and mysterious as her future.
“We can’t wish our past away, Diana,” Seth whispered. “But maybe we can learn from it. Maybe you and I can find something Summer and I couldn’t find. Maybe we can find a way to make things work.”
They kissed again, long and slow. When Diana opened her eyes, she could just make out the moon glowing small and yellow, like a porch light on a foggy night.
13
Spoonbills and Stuffed Lambs
Two days later Summer was on the porch sorting through some recent purchases when she heard Austin’s car rattling up the drive.
Esme was in the front seat with him. She waited in the car while Austin removed yellow canvas and a large bundle of poles from the trunk.
“I come bearing gifts,” Austin called as he strode up the drive. He dropped the bundle at Summer’s feet.
“Is that a tent?” Summer asked.
“It’s a potential tent, anyway.”
“Khaki would have been more realistic. But I’ll take what I can get.”
“What’s in the big box?” Austin asked.
“Stuff,” Summer said evasively.
“Is that a canteen I see?”
Summer shoved the cardboard box toward him. “See for yourself. But if you don’t approve, just do me a favor and keep your mouth shut. I’m starting to have second thoughts as it is.”
“Two mess kits, an army blanket, a nurse’s cap, a helmet.” Austin whistled. “Where did you find all this?”
“Mostly the Goodwill outlet and that army surplus store up the highway.”
Austin shook his head. “So you’re really going through with this reunion?”
“I’m not sure anymore.” Summer yanked the box away. “It seemed like such a good idea at first, but then I started to have doubts when you were so dead set against it. And when I told Marquez and Diana about it, they just sort of rolled their eyes and said I was an incurable romantic. Well, Diana said I was an incurable romantic. Marquez said I was deranged.”
Austin frowned. “I went to all the trouble of finding you this tent,” he said. “Now I sort of feel let down.”
“You told me this idea was dumb.”
“I know, but I figured you’d barrel ahead with it anyway. You are incredibly stubborn, in case no one’s ever pointed that out
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