looking for a place to sleep in the Japanese
Star Wars
ripoff
Message from Space,
1978
On Rock Bands, Typical:
Your lead guitar’s a junkie, your drummer’s a gangster, and your bassist, on good days, is a slut. No. And who’s in jail?
Satisfaction,
1988
On Rock ’n’ Roll Friends, Why You Don’t Want Them to Meet Your Preppie Friends:
Darryl:
Don’t eat with your hands, and if someone says you have nice hair, or something, say thank you.
Billy:
Shit, what do you think we are? Uncouth?
A nervous Darryl (Julia Roberts) getting ready to introduce her rock ’n’ roll friends, including Billy (Britta Phillips), to her rich preppie friends, in
Satisfaction,
1988
On Romantic Come-ons, Heart-Burning:
Your hair is too red, your legs are too thin, you have lips like a cat … but you make a fire, here!
Circus elephant man Lyle Bettger (pointing to his heart) to circus elephant girl Gloria Grahame in
The Greatest Show on Earth,
1952
On Romantic Dialogue, Great Monster Moments in:
Man:
I’d like to take you out in a monster-free city.
Woman:
I’d like that.
Discussion between man and woman as they look out the skyscraper window at a giant flying monster on a nest in
Gamera: Guardian of the Universe,
1995
On Romantic Dialogue, Pretentious:
Drama coach next door:
I don’t know how to feel what I’m feeling when I don’t even know your name.
Woman in hiding:
People never really know each other.
Kevin Anderson falling in love with Julia Roberts, who is hiding from her psycho husband, in
Sleeping with the Enemy,
1991
On Romantic Lines, Nauseating:
Don:
We’ll never meet again?
Lyda:
There’s never any never. Kiss me.
Troy Donahue and Angie Dickinson as unhappy lovers in
Rome Adventure,
1962
On Romantic Songs, Vapid:
If I had a thousand paintings
In a marble gallery
Every single picture
Would be of Valerie.
Vitamins are good, they say,
And so’s a calorie.
But I feel like a tiger
On one kiss from Valerie.
One of the songs sung by Tommy (Arch Hall, Jr.) in
Eegah!,
1962. The song was written by producer/director Arch Hall, Sr
.
On Root Vegetables:
An intelligent carrot—the mind boggles.
Douglas Spencer in
The Thing,
1951
S
On Sabu, Problems with Word “Fiancée” (Not to Mention Verb Tenses …):
I are here to look for my friend’s almost wife.
Sabu in
Cobra Woman,
1944
On Salads, Tough:
Wow! That’s the first time a salad’s ever tossed me!
Private Philbrick (Bob Ball) after a fight with an alien giant carrot in
Invasion of the Star Creatures,
1962
On Satori, Breathy:
Maharishi:
Now we must find that place where the immutable self resides.
Candy:
You mean my lungs?
Marlon Brando as an Indian guru, seducing the young and adorable Candy (Ewa Aulin) in
Candy,
1968
On Schizo Stalkers, Typical Statements from:
We were both waiting for you: myself and I!
Schizophrenic stalker Bruno (Jenn LeClerc) to his intended victim in
Whispers,
1989
On Scientific Discoveries Made While Battling Devil Girls from Mars:
So there
is
a fourth dimension.
The Professor, making a discovery in
Devil Girl from Mars,
1954
On Scientific Logic, Dry:
Actually, there was no blood. That accounts for the shriveled effect.
Scientists examining dead body that has been killed by the nine-foot-tall mutant astronaut in
Monster a-Go Go,
1965
On Scientist Lovers, Witty Lines from:
Although women are made up of mostly water, with a few pinches of salt and some metallic trace elements, you have a distinctly unsalty and nonmetallic effect on me!
Scientist hero (Jock Mahoney) seducing his lady love in
The Land Unknown,
1957
On Scientists, Excessively Sensitive:
I understand what that whale is feeling, ’cause the same thing happened to me.
Richard Harris comparing himself to the killer whale that lost its wife and child in
Orca,
1977
On Scientists, Unscientific:
First scientist:
Look! The properties of this plant are exactly as our hypothesis predicted!
Second scientist:
Good! This means that our
Star Wars
ripoff
Message from Space,
1978
On Rock Bands, Typical:
Your lead guitar’s a junkie, your drummer’s a gangster, and your bassist, on good days, is a slut. No. And who’s in jail?
Satisfaction,
1988
On Rock ’n’ Roll Friends, Why You Don’t Want Them to Meet Your Preppie Friends:
Darryl:
Don’t eat with your hands, and if someone says you have nice hair, or something, say thank you.
Billy:
Shit, what do you think we are? Uncouth?
A nervous Darryl (Julia Roberts) getting ready to introduce her rock ’n’ roll friends, including Billy (Britta Phillips), to her rich preppie friends, in
Satisfaction,
1988
On Romantic Come-ons, Heart-Burning:
Your hair is too red, your legs are too thin, you have lips like a cat … but you make a fire, here!
Circus elephant man Lyle Bettger (pointing to his heart) to circus elephant girl Gloria Grahame in
The Greatest Show on Earth,
1952
On Romantic Dialogue, Great Monster Moments in:
Man:
I’d like to take you out in a monster-free city.
Woman:
I’d like that.
Discussion between man and woman as they look out the skyscraper window at a giant flying monster on a nest in
Gamera: Guardian of the Universe,
1995
On Romantic Dialogue, Pretentious:
Drama coach next door:
I don’t know how to feel what I’m feeling when I don’t even know your name.
Woman in hiding:
People never really know each other.
Kevin Anderson falling in love with Julia Roberts, who is hiding from her psycho husband, in
Sleeping with the Enemy,
1991
On Romantic Lines, Nauseating:
Don:
We’ll never meet again?
Lyda:
There’s never any never. Kiss me.
Troy Donahue and Angie Dickinson as unhappy lovers in
Rome Adventure,
1962
On Romantic Songs, Vapid:
If I had a thousand paintings
In a marble gallery
Every single picture
Would be of Valerie.
Vitamins are good, they say,
And so’s a calorie.
But I feel like a tiger
On one kiss from Valerie.
One of the songs sung by Tommy (Arch Hall, Jr.) in
Eegah!,
1962. The song was written by producer/director Arch Hall, Sr
.
On Root Vegetables:
An intelligent carrot—the mind boggles.
Douglas Spencer in
The Thing,
1951
S
On Sabu, Problems with Word “Fiancée” (Not to Mention Verb Tenses …):
I are here to look for my friend’s almost wife.
Sabu in
Cobra Woman,
1944
On Salads, Tough:
Wow! That’s the first time a salad’s ever tossed me!
Private Philbrick (Bob Ball) after a fight with an alien giant carrot in
Invasion of the Star Creatures,
1962
On Satori, Breathy:
Maharishi:
Now we must find that place where the immutable self resides.
Candy:
You mean my lungs?
Marlon Brando as an Indian guru, seducing the young and adorable Candy (Ewa Aulin) in
Candy,
1968
On Schizo Stalkers, Typical Statements from:
We were both waiting for you: myself and I!
Schizophrenic stalker Bruno (Jenn LeClerc) to his intended victim in
Whispers,
1989
On Scientific Discoveries Made While Battling Devil Girls from Mars:
So there
is
a fourth dimension.
The Professor, making a discovery in
Devil Girl from Mars,
1954
On Scientific Logic, Dry:
Actually, there was no blood. That accounts for the shriveled effect.
Scientists examining dead body that has been killed by the nine-foot-tall mutant astronaut in
Monster a-Go Go,
1965
On Scientist Lovers, Witty Lines from:
Although women are made up of mostly water, with a few pinches of salt and some metallic trace elements, you have a distinctly unsalty and nonmetallic effect on me!
Scientist hero (Jock Mahoney) seducing his lady love in
The Land Unknown,
1957
On Scientists, Excessively Sensitive:
I understand what that whale is feeling, ’cause the same thing happened to me.
Richard Harris comparing himself to the killer whale that lost its wife and child in
Orca,
1977
On Scientists, Unscientific:
First scientist:
Look! The properties of this plant are exactly as our hypothesis predicted!
Second scientist:
Good! This means that our
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