worry. Walker and I are taking care of everything. See you at eight.
I sighed, rubbed my eyes, and dragged myself out of bed. The clock said six, and even though I could walk to their house, I figured I needed the extra time to start putting effort into my appearance since it had been so long since I’d cared what I looked like. I made my way into the bathroom and let the water get boiling hot while I sat on the toilet, waiting.
My mind tripped back to my amazing in-laws and how important they had become to me, especially with the terrible situation we found ourselves in. Liz and Jim McManus had been more than just in-laws to me ever since Randy and I had first started dating, and I owed it to them to put on a brave face. Even though they’d lost their son, they had been so instrumental in bringing me through my grief that I worried they hadn’t had the chance they deserved to grieve themselves. The shame made it difficult to even look into their eyes most of the time. It was unbearable to walk around with all the different forms of guilt inside me. I knew I had to get better for everyone’s sake.
Today can be the beginning of a brand new start.
As I got into the shower, I could hear Randy's voice. "I married one hell of a woman, you know that, baby?" I smirked as I massaged shampoo into my scalp. Those are the memories I never got used to being reminded of. All of the little things he would to do to make sure I knew he loved me, that he belonged to me. I wished I had told him more how much they’d meant, how much he’d meant to me.
I miss you so much it hurts .
The hot water rushed over my pink skin while steam floated out over the curtain. I stood, holding myself, letting the water run over my body for a few moments before mustering up the courage to step onto the cold tile floor.
Without even drying myself, I tossed my hair up in one towel and then wrapped another around my dripping body. Looking in the mirror over my sink, I was disgusted at the black, puffy circles around my eyes and how hollow my cheekbones were.
Skulking back into my room, shuffling my feet along my fluffy carpet, I grabbed my makeup and turned on my flat iron. I sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the closet door mirror and began to apply eyeliner.
This had become a habit from the first time I’d slept over at Randy's room in the fraternity house. I would always take my shower first, and while I got ready, Randy would wash up. The only place for me to be able to do my primping had been on his floor, sitting Indian-style in front of a full-length mirror propped up against the wall. Randy had bought for me after I’d complained about not being able to do makeup in a fogged-up mirror.
Once my eyes were just the perfect blend of smoky gray and black, my natural curls burned into submission, I took one last look at myself in the mirror, again disgusted with my appearance. I still felt like an empty shell. It was terrible to see on my face. The lack of sleep, improper nutrition, and guilt had started to take a noticeable toll. I grabbed my blush and bronzer, blending my cheeks more to hide my uncharacteristically pale skin. One last look in the mirror, I closed my makeup kit. This is going to have to do. Makeup can only hide so much .
I rummaged through my closet, trying to find something to wear. All the way in the back, I found a dress that still had the tags on it from right after Randy had been deployed. I’d had a lot of free time back then, and I usually filled the void with shopping with Cali, mostly for things I had yet to wear. I yanked the dress off the hanger, slipped it over my head, and pulled on a pair of wedges. Good enough.
I sighed and trudged down the stairs to the freezer, taking my black-labeled savior out of his icy home. I was going to need all the help possible to put on a brave, put-together face, and whiskey was my known choice for liquid courage. Here
I sighed, rubbed my eyes, and dragged myself out of bed. The clock said six, and even though I could walk to their house, I figured I needed the extra time to start putting effort into my appearance since it had been so long since I’d cared what I looked like. I made my way into the bathroom and let the water get boiling hot while I sat on the toilet, waiting.
My mind tripped back to my amazing in-laws and how important they had become to me, especially with the terrible situation we found ourselves in. Liz and Jim McManus had been more than just in-laws to me ever since Randy and I had first started dating, and I owed it to them to put on a brave face. Even though they’d lost their son, they had been so instrumental in bringing me through my grief that I worried they hadn’t had the chance they deserved to grieve themselves. The shame made it difficult to even look into their eyes most of the time. It was unbearable to walk around with all the different forms of guilt inside me. I knew I had to get better for everyone’s sake.
Today can be the beginning of a brand new start.
As I got into the shower, I could hear Randy's voice. "I married one hell of a woman, you know that, baby?" I smirked as I massaged shampoo into my scalp. Those are the memories I never got used to being reminded of. All of the little things he would to do to make sure I knew he loved me, that he belonged to me. I wished I had told him more how much they’d meant, how much he’d meant to me.
I miss you so much it hurts .
The hot water rushed over my pink skin while steam floated out over the curtain. I stood, holding myself, letting the water run over my body for a few moments before mustering up the courage to step onto the cold tile floor.
Without even drying myself, I tossed my hair up in one towel and then wrapped another around my dripping body. Looking in the mirror over my sink, I was disgusted at the black, puffy circles around my eyes and how hollow my cheekbones were.
Skulking back into my room, shuffling my feet along my fluffy carpet, I grabbed my makeup and turned on my flat iron. I sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the closet door mirror and began to apply eyeliner.
This had become a habit from the first time I’d slept over at Randy's room in the fraternity house. I would always take my shower first, and while I got ready, Randy would wash up. The only place for me to be able to do my primping had been on his floor, sitting Indian-style in front of a full-length mirror propped up against the wall. Randy had bought for me after I’d complained about not being able to do makeup in a fogged-up mirror.
Once my eyes were just the perfect blend of smoky gray and black, my natural curls burned into submission, I took one last look at myself in the mirror, again disgusted with my appearance. I still felt like an empty shell. It was terrible to see on my face. The lack of sleep, improper nutrition, and guilt had started to take a noticeable toll. I grabbed my blush and bronzer, blending my cheeks more to hide my uncharacteristically pale skin. One last look in the mirror, I closed my makeup kit. This is going to have to do. Makeup can only hide so much .
I rummaged through my closet, trying to find something to wear. All the way in the back, I found a dress that still had the tags on it from right after Randy had been deployed. I’d had a lot of free time back then, and I usually filled the void with shopping with Cali, mostly for things I had yet to wear. I yanked the dress off the hanger, slipped it over my head, and pulled on a pair of wedges. Good enough.
I sighed and trudged down the stairs to the freezer, taking my black-labeled savior out of his icy home. I was going to need all the help possible to put on a brave, put-together face, and whiskey was my known choice for liquid courage. Here
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