Stuff White People Like by Christian Lander Page B

dinner begins. While eating, drinking, and conversation are expected to fill up five or six hours, sometimes it’s just not enough. In order to fill the silence, white people will often turn to board games (Cranium!) or Wii Bowling. This lets everyone have fun together without having to really talk to each other.
    It is strongly encouraged to bring a gift to these dinner parties, usually either wine or some kind of dessert. If you are able to bring a particularly rare dish from your culture, you will be the star of the party. To seal the deal, be sure to explain as much as you possibly can about the dish: history, availability, and the proper way to eat it. Every white person at the party will be taking mental notes and will be in your debt for introducing them to something new and authentic. If a white person says they have eaten the dish before, it is best to respond by saying, “You ate a watered-down version. They don’t even sell this to white people, it’s that intense. Even I had to show ID.”
    The entire party will universally acknowledge you as the top guest. Even the hosts will appreciate you for bringing diversity to the table in the form of both food and person.

91 San Francisco
    San Francisco is one of the top U.S. destinations for white people in terms of both travel and living. It is universally agreeable and is a safe discussion topic for any situation.
    White people like to vacation in San Francisco because it has beautiful architecture and fantastic food and it is near the water. They like to live in San Francisco because of its abundance of nonprofit organizations, expensive sandwiches, and wine; its political outlook; and, most important, its diversity.

    Since many white people either live in, plan to move to, or closely identify with San Francisco, it is imperative that you know how best to deal with them.
    The city of San Francisco has a very multicultural population that ranges from white to gay to Asian. Within white culture this is known as “ideal diversity,” since it both provides exotic restaurants and preserves property values. The presence of gays and Asians is imperative, as it provides two of the key resources most necessary for white success and happiness.
    However, it is important to be aware of the fact that regions outside San Francisco feature many people who are not white, gay, or Asian. They are greatly appreciated during the census, but white people are generally very happy that they stay in places like Oakland and Richmond. This enables white people to feel good about living near people of diverse backgrounds without having to directly deal with troublesome issues like income gaps or failing schools.
    Still, the presence of other minorities is welcomed by white people for so many more reasons than just statistics! Much in the way that white people in Brooklyn feel a strong and unfounded connection with the Notorious BIG, white people in San Francisco feel the need to identify with rappers from the East Bay. Interestingly enough, the farther they venture from San Francisco, the stronger their need to represent their region.
    “Oh man, I went to the Too Short show last night. So hyphy man, so hyphy. You should come by sometime and we’ll ghost-ride the Prius.”
    When you are presented with statements like this, the best response is to say, “Berkeley is close to Oakland,” and the white person will likely nod and throw up some sort of West Side hand sign.
    Though it is exceptionally easy to put someone from San Francisco in a good mood, there are some caveats. When talking to a white person who lives in San Francisco, it is best not to bring up New York City. Though they live in a world-class city, San Franciscans have a crippling inferiority complex about New York, and even hinting at that will make them very sad or very defensive.
    Fortunately, there is a foolproof method for quickly returning the conversation to a positive, trust-building tone. No matter how much you