loved me. From the moment I met Charles I trusted him. Maybe I didn’t think I did at first, but looking back now, I did. I had known him only a week that day on the beach, and yet I trusted him more than anyone before. I needed him. I needed him because a part of my soul seemed to know him already. I needed him to leave my past behind. I needed him because he was everything I wanted to be. He had no connections to the shadows that hovered over me or the demons that attacked my mind. He was my tide.
I sighed and I was out of the memory with Charles and back into the present. I smiled briefly remembering Charles’s and my first kiss. It was our last night in Panama City. At the time, I thought he was leaving the next day without me. Instead, we both went to the courthouse and I became Mrs. Maxwell. That day, I left my past behind. I left my thoughts of Sawyer at the courthouse, too, and I didn’t look back. That was, until I saw Sawyer again at the bar. Now all I seemed to be capable of doing was looking back. I knew it wouldn’t be long before all the memories would come back in swarms, and I didn’t want them to. I had been doing so well ignoring them, not dealing with the pain they caused.
I clutched the shell in my hand, sitting in Charles’s Bronco. I whispered, “You have me.” His smile flashed in my mind and, as a tear ran down my face, I tucked the shell safely back into the visor. Why hadn’t it fallen on my lap in all those years, yet it did today? I didn’t know. Charles would say it was fate. He would say that God had a reason for every tiny detail. Fate. What would he call me running into Sawyer after all these years? Was that fate, too? I wiped my tears and fixed my frazzled hair. I sighed as I looked at my tired face. Indeed, I looked as much like a zombie as I felt.
I had Wheatland to thank for my zombielike appearance. Last night, Charlotte and I had gone to the Smiths’ house to bake cookies with Emerson, Maxie and Mari. The baked goods were for Wheatland’s fall kick-off carnival next week. The town held it every year. Travis’s family had owned the local pumpkin farm and ranch for a century, and the town fed off of the business. Fall was a busy time for the town. It was a small town, with 4,000 people. The town had one pizza place, one Mexican restaurant, a bar, a small medical clinic, a dentist, one lawyer, one realtor, a local grocery store/market, a gas station, a hardware store and of course the Jitter Bug Coffee House. The rest of the year it was usually just locals who ate, shopped and inquired in town, but autumn was the town’s busy time. The restaurants and even the stores would be packed. It was great for the small businesses. The kick-off carnival got the town started on a high note and the whole town showed up with cheery fall spirit, along with people from the nearby cities, looking for a fun family outing.
Emerson lived a couple of towns over, but since she was close to Travis’s and Charles’s families now, she volunteered to help run the bake sale. Between her part-time ER nursing job and raising her twins, I wasn’t sure how she did it, but she just did. Her willingness to help out wherever needed for anyone she loved was typical of Emerson. It was one of the many reasons why I loved her.
Last night we made pumpkin cookies, pies and even doughnuts. Although the smell made me a little nauseous and brought back memories of my childhood and Sawyer, overall it was a pretty fun evening. The best part was that it was Travis-free and stress-free. He had come around a few times lately, but he was always rushed and acting a little off. I tried not to worry about it too much. Charlotte and I hadn’t left the Smiths’ last night until almost eleven. She had passed out on the couch far before that. I had carried her noodle body into our apartment, exhausted. I then laid in bed almost the entire night, staring at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep.
SJ, or Sawyer as he called
I sighed and I was out of the memory with Charles and back into the present. I smiled briefly remembering Charles’s and my first kiss. It was our last night in Panama City. At the time, I thought he was leaving the next day without me. Instead, we both went to the courthouse and I became Mrs. Maxwell. That day, I left my past behind. I left my thoughts of Sawyer at the courthouse, too, and I didn’t look back. That was, until I saw Sawyer again at the bar. Now all I seemed to be capable of doing was looking back. I knew it wouldn’t be long before all the memories would come back in swarms, and I didn’t want them to. I had been doing so well ignoring them, not dealing with the pain they caused.
I clutched the shell in my hand, sitting in Charles’s Bronco. I whispered, “You have me.” His smile flashed in my mind and, as a tear ran down my face, I tucked the shell safely back into the visor. Why hadn’t it fallen on my lap in all those years, yet it did today? I didn’t know. Charles would say it was fate. He would say that God had a reason for every tiny detail. Fate. What would he call me running into Sawyer after all these years? Was that fate, too? I wiped my tears and fixed my frazzled hair. I sighed as I looked at my tired face. Indeed, I looked as much like a zombie as I felt.
I had Wheatland to thank for my zombielike appearance. Last night, Charlotte and I had gone to the Smiths’ house to bake cookies with Emerson, Maxie and Mari. The baked goods were for Wheatland’s fall kick-off carnival next week. The town held it every year. Travis’s family had owned the local pumpkin farm and ranch for a century, and the town fed off of the business. Fall was a busy time for the town. It was a small town, with 4,000 people. The town had one pizza place, one Mexican restaurant, a bar, a small medical clinic, a dentist, one lawyer, one realtor, a local grocery store/market, a gas station, a hardware store and of course the Jitter Bug Coffee House. The rest of the year it was usually just locals who ate, shopped and inquired in town, but autumn was the town’s busy time. The restaurants and even the stores would be packed. It was great for the small businesses. The kick-off carnival got the town started on a high note and the whole town showed up with cheery fall spirit, along with people from the nearby cities, looking for a fun family outing.
Emerson lived a couple of towns over, but since she was close to Travis’s and Charles’s families now, she volunteered to help run the bake sale. Between her part-time ER nursing job and raising her twins, I wasn’t sure how she did it, but she just did. Her willingness to help out wherever needed for anyone she loved was typical of Emerson. It was one of the many reasons why I loved her.
Last night we made pumpkin cookies, pies and even doughnuts. Although the smell made me a little nauseous and brought back memories of my childhood and Sawyer, overall it was a pretty fun evening. The best part was that it was Travis-free and stress-free. He had come around a few times lately, but he was always rushed and acting a little off. I tried not to worry about it too much. Charlotte and I hadn’t left the Smiths’ last night until almost eleven. She had passed out on the couch far before that. I had carried her noodle body into our apartment, exhausted. I then laid in bed almost the entire night, staring at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep.
SJ, or Sawyer as he called
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