Straight Life by Art Pepper; Laurie Pepper

were hollering and fighting, and finally I told 'em, "Yeah, I did it, you motherfuckers!" Then somebody came and stopped it, one of the officers. And so they put us on KP for a couple of weeks. From then on it was open warfare, me and Dennis against the rest of the platoon.
When I first got to Fort Sill I used to cry at night and think, "How can it be? How can I be here?" I couldn't believe that this could be happening to me. I couldn't believe that I might die with these people I hated.
    Before you finish basic training you're allowed a visit. The family chipped in, and Patti came to Lawton. I hadn't seen her for three months. It's hard for regular soldier's wives to get rooms in towns like that; if you're not an officer they think you're scum. But Patti had such a nice way about her, she talked a lady into renting her a room in a house in town, and finally the night came for me to go to her.
We had had an especially hard day. I'd had to go over an obstacle course, climbing and running and doing all sorts of outrageous things. I took a shower and cleaned up. I was all excited. I got a bottle of something and went to town; I went to the place and the lady of the house came to the door, a nice southern lady with the accent and everything. I introduced myself and then Patti appeared at the top of the stairs. She had a silky, clinging dress on with all kinds of colors in it; it set off her white skin. She was wearing those high-heeled pumps that made her legs look so pretty, and her hair was just hanging down. Her eyes were glowing and glistening and she was smiling. And when she smiled she had little dimples that showed. Her face looked like a child's.
I was so happy to see her. I couldn't stand to have anything to do with the girls I'd see in town. One time I was drinking some beer in a bar, and this little chick that looked nice came up to me and said hello, and we talked, and for a moment it was pleasant, and then she called me "Joe." I said, "What did you call me that for?" She said, "Well,-that's what we call you soldier boys." I said, "I'm not a soldier boy!" I got so angry I wanted to strangle her. Joe! I'm not Joe! So seeing Patti I was seeing someone that was mine, somebody I meant something to, and it was wonderful.
We went into the room and had a couple of drinks. We talked and kissed and Patti told me how worried everybody was and how unbearable it was for her: she was so lonely. She cried. Then we got into bed and started making love. Up to this time, so that she wouldn't get pregnant, I had pulled out. I assumed that that was what I would do this time, and when I felt I couldn't keep from coming I told her, "I'm going to come!" But as soon as I said that she threw her legs up over my back and held me, and she threw her arms around me and grabbed me, and she had so much strength, and it had been so long since we'd made love, and I was so passionate, and I was fighting her to get out of her, and I couldn't do it, and so I came. And I remember thinking how marvelous it felt and what a shame we couldn't always do it that way. And I thought, maybe just this one time, maybe nothing will happen, maybe she won't get pregnant. But I knew that she would. I knew as soon as it happened that she was going to get pregnant. She held me and told me that they had decided she had to have a baby. My folks had told her to force me to come in her in case anything should happen to me overseas-so there'd be something left of me. And she said that that was what she wanted.
I felt awful because I didn't want to have children. I knew that I didn't want to have any children. I had even gone through one of those operations because I didn't want to have any children, ever; I didn't want to share Patti with a child. I knew I wouldn't make a good parent.
The doctor who performed the vasectomy had been a friend of Patti's mother's. He had tried to talk me out of it, but I told him, "Man, I want it done!" I got on the operating table, and I had no