you get to the farm?” I asked.
“At the car factory, they locked us into a big barracks at night,” said Marusia. “But I escaped. I was caught and sent back, but the factory didn’t want me back. They said I was undependable, so I was sent to a concentration camp. But I convinced them that I was a good cook. I was given to General Himmel, who gave me to his wife.”
I stared at my cocoa. The man that I knew as Vater, Marusia knew as General Himmel. The thought of what she had been through made my stomach churn.
“It is good that you’re beginning to remember,” she said. “As you remember more, you will understand why you have nothing to feel guilty about.”
“Why don’t you just tell me everything you know about my past?” I asked her. “Wouldn’t that be simpler?”
“I don’t know your whole past,” said Marusia. “I’m afraid that if I tell you what I know, it could influence your memories. It’s best for you to air this out as the memories surface.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” I told her angrily. “You don’t have to live with these nightmares.”
Marusia was silent for a moment. She brushed away a tear from her eye, then reached out her hand and placed it on top of mine. “I am living with my own ghosts,
Sonechko
.”
Chapter Twelve
Red Ink
At school later that morning, I tried to pay attention, but as Miss Ferris wrote notes on the board, the words seemed to blur and blend together. I kept on thinking about that girl who looked like an older me. Who was she and why did she appear in my nightmares? I was so absent-minded that I didn’t hear the bell for morning recess. Linda touched my arm and I nearly jumped out of my seat.
“Sorry!” she said. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I blinked a couple of times to try to clear the images from my mind. Maybe that girl who looked like me was just a ghost of my imagination? “Let’s go outside,” I said.
Linda sped down the hallway in front of me and pushed open the door. I followed her on legs that felt like rubber.
“You’re acting strange today,” said Linda, once we were outside.
“Sorry,” I said. “I don’t feel very well.”
“Maybe the fresh air will do you some good.”
Except the air wasn’t fresh. It smelled of burning leaves. We walked past a group of girls from our class who were clustered together chatting quietly. I overheard bits oftheir conversation. Hallowe’en was tomorrow and they were talking about what costumes they would be wearing for the class party — a witch, a ghost, a nurse …
Others were playing double dutch with the younger students, but none of them called to Linda or me to ask us to join. Most of the boys were out in the field tossing around a football. How I wished that I could be like these other students. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to not have a past?
When we got back into the classroom, I noticed an envelope sticking out of the corner of my workbook. I had a moment of panic. Had Miss Ferris noticed that I wasn’t paying attention this morning? Maybe it was a note sending me to the principal’s office. I pulled the envelope out of my workbook and breathed a sigh of relief. A big childish
N
was written on the front in red ink and the writing didn’t look at all like Miss Ferris’s tidy script. Could this be an invitation to a birthday or Hallowe’en party? I looked over to Linda’s desk. There was no envelope on hers. I couldn’t possibly go to a party if she hadn’t also been invited.
Most of the other students had returned to their desks by this time but class hadn’t begun and Miss Ferris still sat at her desk at the front of the room, marking papers. I held the envelope on my lap so Miss Ferris wouldn’t see me opening it. I ripped it open as quietly as I could and pulled out the piece of paper — a crude drawing of girl with yellow braids — covered in red swastikas. Underneath, someone had written,
Nazi Nadia, go back to Hitler-land!
“Nadia,
“At the car factory, they locked us into a big barracks at night,” said Marusia. “But I escaped. I was caught and sent back, but the factory didn’t want me back. They said I was undependable, so I was sent to a concentration camp. But I convinced them that I was a good cook. I was given to General Himmel, who gave me to his wife.”
I stared at my cocoa. The man that I knew as Vater, Marusia knew as General Himmel. The thought of what she had been through made my stomach churn.
“It is good that you’re beginning to remember,” she said. “As you remember more, you will understand why you have nothing to feel guilty about.”
“Why don’t you just tell me everything you know about my past?” I asked her. “Wouldn’t that be simpler?”
“I don’t know your whole past,” said Marusia. “I’m afraid that if I tell you what I know, it could influence your memories. It’s best for you to air this out as the memories surface.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” I told her angrily. “You don’t have to live with these nightmares.”
Marusia was silent for a moment. She brushed away a tear from her eye, then reached out her hand and placed it on top of mine. “I am living with my own ghosts,
Sonechko
.”
Chapter Twelve
Red Ink
At school later that morning, I tried to pay attention, but as Miss Ferris wrote notes on the board, the words seemed to blur and blend together. I kept on thinking about that girl who looked like an older me. Who was she and why did she appear in my nightmares? I was so absent-minded that I didn’t hear the bell for morning recess. Linda touched my arm and I nearly jumped out of my seat.
“Sorry!” she said. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I blinked a couple of times to try to clear the images from my mind. Maybe that girl who looked like me was just a ghost of my imagination? “Let’s go outside,” I said.
Linda sped down the hallway in front of me and pushed open the door. I followed her on legs that felt like rubber.
“You’re acting strange today,” said Linda, once we were outside.
“Sorry,” I said. “I don’t feel very well.”
“Maybe the fresh air will do you some good.”
Except the air wasn’t fresh. It smelled of burning leaves. We walked past a group of girls from our class who were clustered together chatting quietly. I overheard bits oftheir conversation. Hallowe’en was tomorrow and they were talking about what costumes they would be wearing for the class party — a witch, a ghost, a nurse …
Others were playing double dutch with the younger students, but none of them called to Linda or me to ask us to join. Most of the boys were out in the field tossing around a football. How I wished that I could be like these other students. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to not have a past?
When we got back into the classroom, I noticed an envelope sticking out of the corner of my workbook. I had a moment of panic. Had Miss Ferris noticed that I wasn’t paying attention this morning? Maybe it was a note sending me to the principal’s office. I pulled the envelope out of my workbook and breathed a sigh of relief. A big childish
N
was written on the front in red ink and the writing didn’t look at all like Miss Ferris’s tidy script. Could this be an invitation to a birthday or Hallowe’en party? I looked over to Linda’s desk. There was no envelope on hers. I couldn’t possibly go to a party if she hadn’t also been invited.
Most of the other students had returned to their desks by this time but class hadn’t begun and Miss Ferris still sat at her desk at the front of the room, marking papers. I held the envelope on my lap so Miss Ferris wouldn’t see me opening it. I ripped it open as quietly as I could and pulled out the piece of paper — a crude drawing of girl with yellow braids — covered in red swastikas. Underneath, someone had written,
Nazi Nadia, go back to Hitler-land!
“Nadia,
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