Staying Fat for Sarah Byrnes by Chris Crutcher Page B

personal record for speechlessness. In the dim streetlight I see his face is drained of blood. He says, “Why didn’t you tell someone?”
    â€œShe tol’ me not to.”
    â€œYeah,” Ellerby says, “but…”
    â€œAin’t no buts. I said I’d keep my mouth shut and that’s what I done. Shit, who would I of told?”
    â€œI don’t know,” Ellerby says. “Cops. Child protection people.”
    Dale snorts and spits on the ground. “Shit. When was you born, man? Those guys don’t listen to jokers like me. I give my word to Scarface I’d keep my mouth shut, an’ that’s just what I done. ’Cept for now. Don’t wanna see her rottin’ in some crazy house, like I said. Maybe we ain’t such good friends anymore, but we was once.”
    I put my hand on his shoulder, but he pulls away. “Listen,” I say. “We’ll figure out who to tell. We’ll be careful. Thanks for coming here, man. Really. I owe you.”
    Dale laughs. “Gimme your lunch money.”

CHAPTER 8
    â€œA number of you have chosen abortion as your topic,” Lemry says toward the end of class, studying a list in her hand. “Since there is such an interest, I’m setting aside several days for discussion to be sure everyone gets time.” She steps around to the front of her desk, removing her reading glasses. “Let me warn you, this is a topic that can get out of hand. Adults don’t handle it well. I’d be surprised if there weren’t people in the room who have had experience with abortion, either directly or through friends. So I’m going to keep a tight rein on things. I will feel free to remove you from the discussion, or even the room, if you’re disrespectful toward other people’s views. That won’t necessarily mean you’re in trouble with the law, it’ll just mean I think you need a break. As always, you’re entitled to your opinion,but you’re also accountable for decency.”
    She doesn’t ask for agreement. We’ve had some pretty spirited discussions over the past three weeks, about child abuse and women’s rights and racism, among other things, and what’s becoming clear is that most tough problems in the world run into each other. We start talking about one and we end up talking about another and no one can figure how we got there. I think Lemry knows that.
    Â 
    I’m off my pace a bit. Jody’s in the bleachers watching Brittain, and I can’t take my mind off her note. I’m hitting my time standards, but when I should be bearing down in the stretch laps my mind wanders.
    I’ve always tried to stay cool when it comes to matters of the heart. As a fat kid growing up I just assumed there would never be a girl for me. In junior high I watched the popular kids hang out playing boy-girl games, and I told myself they were stupid and wrote mean things about them in Sarah Byrnes’s and my trashy newspaper, but truth is, sometimes it hurt so bad I wanted to die. I told myself the kind of friendship I had with Sarah Byrnes—the tough kind—was better. I think most of us tell ourselves we don’t want what we think we can’t have just to make life bearable.
    When I started swimming and began to shed some of my outer insulation, things changed a bit. A few girls have even shown interest in me over the past couple of years; they just weren’t the ones I was interested in. Don’t think I didn’t consider taking up with them anyway, just so I wouldn’t look like a social adjusto, but I didn’t.
    So far, I’ve opted to laugh off my loneliness in that area, but I do know it’s serious stuff and I’ll have to deal with it someday. I wish my mother could be more help, but she treats love like an extracurricular activity. I think my dad hurt her a lot, though she’s never said much about that, probably