Spank: The Improbable Adventures of George Aloysius Brown by Alan Daniels Page A

floated back to London . He jotted down as much as he could remember from what Joanne had told him and by the time the flat farmland of Essex had surrendered to brick row housing of East London, and the lines of washing flapping in tangled back gardens had given way to the huge phallic office towers of Docklands, he felt he was almost ready to start writing. The story of Catherine de Medici particularly interested him and the beginnings of a plot line were forming in his mind. His hero would be a Time Lord, Dr. Whom – unashamedly modeled, but George thought more gra mmatically correct, on his fav o understand, and commuted to London, striding off to the station every weekday morning in a suit and tie like most of the other fathers and often not coming home until after I was in bed. His dad, Jefferson Mallory Jones, was a landscape artist and we had many of his paintings in our home. Grandfather Jones died when I was four and I don't remember much about him except the smell of his pipe when we went to visit and his whiskers that tickled m y rite TV character Dr. Who – who would roam through time and space encountering some of the most famous people in history. Did the Queen of France spank her ladies in waiting as history alleges? Dr. Whom would find out and report to the world.
    The following month at Book Club he felt sufficiently emboldened to mention his literary ambitions to the chairperson, Dolly Bloom, proprietor of Blooms Galore, purveyor of fresh flowers and unique floral arrangements, on Buckingham Palace Road . Dolly was his best friend at Book Club, a straight talker, with a lively sense of humor and generous with it.
    " How exciting, " she said. " I'd love to hear more about it. Look, Wednesday is early closing. Why don't you pop round for tea? Four-ish, okay? You bring the jelly donuts. " This was a joke they shared between them. Their eyes had met during the club tea break, both doing the same thing, teasing the jam from the hole in a doughnut with the tips of their tongues. It was their guilty pleasure. It became a private joke between them.
    In the cold light of Tuesday George had some misgivings about show and tell with Dolly, but Wednesday followed on its weekly rotation and George felt he had nothing to lose. He knew Dolly Bloom to be a very proper person so he put on collar and tie and reminded himself of the social etiquette. He would have to remember to crook his little finger around the handle of his teacup at precisely the correct angle. As things turned out, Dolly's mind was on more than teatime.
    " Alright George, spill it, " she told him after he had hung up his hat and coat. " Let's hear the juicy details. "
    They were sitting on her antique Chippendale chairs across from each other at the dining room table of her cozy little flat near the Ebury Street Bridge . As he had expected it was heady with the fragrance of flowers. Dolly Bloom, looking her usual ample self in a floral frock trimmed with several yards of Belgian lace nudged a plate of chocolate digestives in his direction with a plump elbow and poured him a cup of her finest Sri Lankan tea.
    " Out with it, " she demanded. " What sort of a novel are you writing, romance, suspense, crime, comedy, a whodunit – I love whodunits – what's it all about, Georgie? "
    George took a deep breath, making a quick check on the crook in his little finger.
    " The genre is erotica, " he said. " Erotic discipline, spanking really, there's quite a bit of that, but there's lots of other sex in it too. " George thought it best if he came right out with it.
    Dolly put down her chocolate biscuit and slowly raised an empty hand to her mouth. She was blushing like a prize-winning petunia.
    " Oh, my, is it now? Spanking, you say. " She said the word carefully as if she might break it. It was not something she herself was accustomed to saying. She shifted uneasily on her Chippendale chair.
    " Yes, but it's more than that, " George said. " It also has some of the