defensive, I was perfectly capable of beating myself up about my decisions. It was too early in the morning for Demi to do it too. It was exactly why I didn’t want her to know about Forest in the first place.
“I do like Forest, as a lead guitarist. You said you weren’t going to go there with him.”
“I know, but I misjudged him. He’s not like Braydon. He’s nice and kind and funny. It’s not going to end the same way, I promise.”
Demi stared at her breakfast, pushing some apricots around her plate. “We’ve got a full year’s worth of touring to do. Are you a couple now? Or was it a one night deal?”
It really sucked that I couldn’t have any secrets or anything to myself. I tried not to get annoyed with Demi but her questions were starting to grate on my nerves. “I don’t think it was a one night deal.”
“And what happens when you break up?”
“Then we get a new guitarist and move on. Worse comes to worse, I can play the damn thing for the entire show.” She rolled her eyes, just slightly enough for me to notice. “I don’t care, Demi. I’m not stopping something just because of what might happen.”
She lowered her voice and leaned in so nobody could overhear. I feared what she was about to say. “You know how fragile you still are. The pressure of the tour is enough, do you really need this too? I can’t have you go back to where you were.”
“Neither can I, so that’s not going to happen.” I pointedly focused on buttering my toast, trying to put an end to the conversation. Just having the discussion was enough to send me back to the hospital.
We ate in silence after that, the food a little less appetizing. The fumes were still steaming off Demi. I knew she had my best interests at heart, but it wasn’t really any of her business. She was my manager, she didn’t have a say over who I dated. Or slept with.
After breakfast we climbed onto the tour bus. Forest was sitting with the rest of the band, he gave me a smile when he saw me. I took a seat at the front, Demi’s warning still circling around in my head. I didn’t want to infuriate her more by flaunting it in front of her.
We didn’t have far to travel before we got to Northport. It wasn’t a place people normally stopped on a tour, the numbers didn’t make much sense as the venue was quite small. However, I had a particular reason for requesting we stop there.
When things got bad last year and I had to run away to escape from everything, I ended up in Northport. It also happened to be the place where I was subsequently hospitalized after I collapsed in my hotel room. I was found lying on the bathroom tiles by a maid when they came to clean my room.
I weighed only seventy pounds when I was admitted to hospital. My hair was ridiculously thin, my periods had stopped, and I was always so incredibly tired. My body was shutting down on me and I was too obsessed to notice or care.
The doctors and nurses at the hospital had been amazing to me. I fought against them to leave. The moment I woke up, I tried to remove the IV from my arm and refused to do anything they said. More often than not they had to resort to sedating me just so they could help save my life.
Not only did they have to deal with me, but the media too. When the maid told her story to the first camera she came across, the hospital was swarmed with journalists and tabloid reporters. Not one hospital staff member talked to them, which I appreciated more than anything. All the world knew was that I was hospitalized for exhaustion and recovering well. The gory details were kept for my private file only.
I was at the hospital for just over two weeks before my parents arranged to have me transferred to a private facility that specialized in eating disorders. That’s where I spent the next five months. And when the world learnt about my real condition.
Coming back to the town that day brought up horrible memories, but I felt it was something I had to do. I
“I do like Forest, as a lead guitarist. You said you weren’t going to go there with him.”
“I know, but I misjudged him. He’s not like Braydon. He’s nice and kind and funny. It’s not going to end the same way, I promise.”
Demi stared at her breakfast, pushing some apricots around her plate. “We’ve got a full year’s worth of touring to do. Are you a couple now? Or was it a one night deal?”
It really sucked that I couldn’t have any secrets or anything to myself. I tried not to get annoyed with Demi but her questions were starting to grate on my nerves. “I don’t think it was a one night deal.”
“And what happens when you break up?”
“Then we get a new guitarist and move on. Worse comes to worse, I can play the damn thing for the entire show.” She rolled her eyes, just slightly enough for me to notice. “I don’t care, Demi. I’m not stopping something just because of what might happen.”
She lowered her voice and leaned in so nobody could overhear. I feared what she was about to say. “You know how fragile you still are. The pressure of the tour is enough, do you really need this too? I can’t have you go back to where you were.”
“Neither can I, so that’s not going to happen.” I pointedly focused on buttering my toast, trying to put an end to the conversation. Just having the discussion was enough to send me back to the hospital.
We ate in silence after that, the food a little less appetizing. The fumes were still steaming off Demi. I knew she had my best interests at heart, but it wasn’t really any of her business. She was my manager, she didn’t have a say over who I dated. Or slept with.
After breakfast we climbed onto the tour bus. Forest was sitting with the rest of the band, he gave me a smile when he saw me. I took a seat at the front, Demi’s warning still circling around in my head. I didn’t want to infuriate her more by flaunting it in front of her.
We didn’t have far to travel before we got to Northport. It wasn’t a place people normally stopped on a tour, the numbers didn’t make much sense as the venue was quite small. However, I had a particular reason for requesting we stop there.
When things got bad last year and I had to run away to escape from everything, I ended up in Northport. It also happened to be the place where I was subsequently hospitalized after I collapsed in my hotel room. I was found lying on the bathroom tiles by a maid when they came to clean my room.
I weighed only seventy pounds when I was admitted to hospital. My hair was ridiculously thin, my periods had stopped, and I was always so incredibly tired. My body was shutting down on me and I was too obsessed to notice or care.
The doctors and nurses at the hospital had been amazing to me. I fought against them to leave. The moment I woke up, I tried to remove the IV from my arm and refused to do anything they said. More often than not they had to resort to sedating me just so they could help save my life.
Not only did they have to deal with me, but the media too. When the maid told her story to the first camera she came across, the hospital was swarmed with journalists and tabloid reporters. Not one hospital staff member talked to them, which I appreciated more than anything. All the world knew was that I was hospitalized for exhaustion and recovering well. The gory details were kept for my private file only.
I was at the hospital for just over two weeks before my parents arranged to have me transferred to a private facility that specialized in eating disorders. That’s where I spent the next five months. And when the world learnt about my real condition.
Coming back to the town that day brought up horrible memories, but I felt it was something I had to do. I
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