cried, welcoming me into the dimly lit hall of the house she ran. It smelled of cabbage and marijuana. “Come on to your room. We’ll keep your mind off that man with movies, and I have chocolate ice cream.”
Apparently, getting over Rafe wasn’t a new situation for either of these ladies to deal with.
I wished the thought didn’t make the tears well up and pop out of my eyes, but I was at least able to stifle the sobs until I bade Lisa goodbye with further promises from her not to tell where I was hiding.
Alone at last, I flung myself face down on the twin bed with its thin, pilly, paisley-print spread, and cried.
* * *
I spent the next day in the room without coming out, watching soap reruns on a tiny TV, VCR movies, and eating a pint of chocolate ice cream Triad dropped off.
In the late evening I finally pulled myself together enough to ask Triad for the number of a takeout place, and when the knock came on the door, I hurried to open it, expecting the Chinese food delivery I’d finally got hungry enough to order.
Rafe towered in the doorway. His face was dark with anger. He wore the same black T-shirt and jeans he’d had on before, and he was holding a white bag of Chinese food.
“Rafe! How’d you find me?” I exclaimed, snatching the bag out of his hand.
He stepped inside and shut the door with great deliberation. I didn’t look at him as I dug in the bag for the little white food cartons, unloading the chopsticks, napkins, and containers on a little side table.
“I was worried,” Rafe said, each word measured out and snipped off as if with scissors. “I thought you were maybe lost somewhere. I couldn’t imagine where you’d run off to and what I’d done that was so wrong that you had to sneak off and ditch me like that.”
I sat on the twin bed with the takeout carton in one hand and the chopsticks in the other. I knew my eyes were hugely puffy from crying and my hair, still in the braid from yesterday, was unraveling and matted. I’d never been a pretty crier.
Good. Maybe he’ll be so repulsed he’ll leave.
“Lisa promised she wouldn’t tell you where I went,” I said through a mouth stuffed with noodles. “I thought she was a friend.”
“She’s my friend first,” Rafe said. “And she only told me where when I was going to file a missing-persons report.”
I choked on the mouthful of noodles. “That would not have been good.”
“No, it wouldn’t.”
“Well. I changed my mind about being with you,” I said to the carton in my hand. “I don’t want to be with you after all. I’m going back to school and I’m going to be single. No dating. Just focus on my studies.”
“What I don’t understand is why you couldn’t just tell me that. And then I have to remind myself you’re not even nineteen yet. Your brain isn’t fully mature.”
I looked up and glared, and he grinned at finally catching my eye. “Good. That’s better. Now tell me what’s really going on. Just spit it out.”
“Fine.” I pushed back from the edge of the bed and sat cross-legged with my back against the wall. “I came here to lose my virginity. And somewhere in the middle of all we got up to in that hotel room, I realized you had no intention of doing the deed with me.” I picked up the noodles again. “I have no idea what you want from me, but if we aren’t going to have sex, I don’t want to be with you. There. Now you have the truth. I hope you’re happy.”
I tried to take a bite of noodles, but my throat had totally closed. Tears were pouring out of my eyes and giving lie to my tough words. I fumbled for a napkin to blot them.
“I thought we were having sex back in the hotel,” Rafe said mildly. “There are lots of ways to do it, you know.”
“I begin to,” I said, flapping a hand. “But I don’t understand why you’re being how you are with me. What are you trying to do? Make me fall in love with you or something?” The question came out on a squeak. “Because I
Apparently, getting over Rafe wasn’t a new situation for either of these ladies to deal with.
I wished the thought didn’t make the tears well up and pop out of my eyes, but I was at least able to stifle the sobs until I bade Lisa goodbye with further promises from her not to tell where I was hiding.
Alone at last, I flung myself face down on the twin bed with its thin, pilly, paisley-print spread, and cried.
* * *
I spent the next day in the room without coming out, watching soap reruns on a tiny TV, VCR movies, and eating a pint of chocolate ice cream Triad dropped off.
In the late evening I finally pulled myself together enough to ask Triad for the number of a takeout place, and when the knock came on the door, I hurried to open it, expecting the Chinese food delivery I’d finally got hungry enough to order.
Rafe towered in the doorway. His face was dark with anger. He wore the same black T-shirt and jeans he’d had on before, and he was holding a white bag of Chinese food.
“Rafe! How’d you find me?” I exclaimed, snatching the bag out of his hand.
He stepped inside and shut the door with great deliberation. I didn’t look at him as I dug in the bag for the little white food cartons, unloading the chopsticks, napkins, and containers on a little side table.
“I was worried,” Rafe said, each word measured out and snipped off as if with scissors. “I thought you were maybe lost somewhere. I couldn’t imagine where you’d run off to and what I’d done that was so wrong that you had to sneak off and ditch me like that.”
I sat on the twin bed with the takeout carton in one hand and the chopsticks in the other. I knew my eyes were hugely puffy from crying and my hair, still in the braid from yesterday, was unraveling and matted. I’d never been a pretty crier.
Good. Maybe he’ll be so repulsed he’ll leave.
“Lisa promised she wouldn’t tell you where I went,” I said through a mouth stuffed with noodles. “I thought she was a friend.”
“She’s my friend first,” Rafe said. “And she only told me where when I was going to file a missing-persons report.”
I choked on the mouthful of noodles. “That would not have been good.”
“No, it wouldn’t.”
“Well. I changed my mind about being with you,” I said to the carton in my hand. “I don’t want to be with you after all. I’m going back to school and I’m going to be single. No dating. Just focus on my studies.”
“What I don’t understand is why you couldn’t just tell me that. And then I have to remind myself you’re not even nineteen yet. Your brain isn’t fully mature.”
I looked up and glared, and he grinned at finally catching my eye. “Good. That’s better. Now tell me what’s really going on. Just spit it out.”
“Fine.” I pushed back from the edge of the bed and sat cross-legged with my back against the wall. “I came here to lose my virginity. And somewhere in the middle of all we got up to in that hotel room, I realized you had no intention of doing the deed with me.” I picked up the noodles again. “I have no idea what you want from me, but if we aren’t going to have sex, I don’t want to be with you. There. Now you have the truth. I hope you’re happy.”
I tried to take a bite of noodles, but my throat had totally closed. Tears were pouring out of my eyes and giving lie to my tough words. I fumbled for a napkin to blot them.
“I thought we were having sex back in the hotel,” Rafe said mildly. “There are lots of ways to do it, you know.”
“I begin to,” I said, flapping a hand. “But I don’t understand why you’re being how you are with me. What are you trying to do? Make me fall in love with you or something?” The question came out on a squeak. “Because I
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