me. The shake of her head is subtle, but it’s definitely there. She’s warning me? Why would she do that? Could it be she actually cares? That while she wants me back she wants me healthy too? Maybe it is a message that if I come back, she will make sure things are different.
No, I’m deceiving myself. I must be.
This is lame. Not only have I put myself in the middle of temptation, I’m holding this guitar like it's a shield so that I won’t grab anything else. If I could get these people to lay off of me, accept that I don’t share this lifestyle anymore, and respect that I have found someone special then—
Then monkeys will fly out my ass.
“Hey, Larry. I’m sorry man, but I’ve got to go.”
“What? You just got here.”
“I’ve got some place to be.”
“Yeah, Laura told me you had a stick up your ass now, but I just thought she was enjoying hearing herself talk.” More Jack gets guzzled down. Memories of what a nasty drunk Larry can be reinforce everything, so I pack it up. “Guess that new girl is why you want nothing to do with us. Afraid we might fill her in on a few details?”
My body tenses at his threat. Crap. If he knows I met someone, he can find out who she is. I’m screwed.
Laura’s head snaps to face me. Her eyes narrow and her features turn hard. By Laura’s reaction, I’m guessing he hasn’t clued her in.
I’m out the door before he finishes his yammering, only to hear him scream his final words that the band is now better off without me. I don’t care if he’s right. I am certainly better off without them. Still, I need to find a way to balance music with everything else in life. I took a huge step back by coming here, and then corrected it by leaving before it’s too late. I’ll let myself think that I’m even. As for that song, I’m done. It’s just an unnecessary tie to my past. If I need drugs to write, I’ll never write again. I’d rather miss writing than miss Lizetta.
Bertha and I speed off as Larry’s words catch up with me. I’ve been putting off telling Lizetta what a horrible person I was, but I’d damn well better fill her in before someone else does. First, I’ve got to get to Paul before she gets home from girl’s night out with Griffin. Since her dad had an addiction, I need to approach this gently.
Jensen bails, and it’s like he’s leaving me all over again, only this time I actually see the door close. He’s seeing someone! How could he do this to me?
Fuckin’ Larry! He knows how to play me. He also knows the way to get to me is to make me jealous, pissed, and irrational. Springing Jensen’s news on me was a failsafe incase his plan backfired. I’m being played, and dammit, it’s working. Some little bitch has my man. I need to fix this—pronto!
CHAPTER SEVEN
Friday, May 19
Etta’s happy bark signals my arrival at Jensen’s. The moment the door opens, her paws are all over me. She gets just enough love not to feel slighted before I get my lips on the man that has my heart palpitating simply because he exists.
Jensen has given me some amazing kisses, but his embrace reminds me of a bear who wants to drag me into his cave and hoard me. Between this and him calling to apologize for his recent distance, I almost feel that all is right again. Still, after the concern I have felt over the last few days, I cannot shake my weird itch of discomfort over his invitation.
Jensen pulls back and smiles down at me. The tender caress of his thumb on my cheek has me melting. But fear creeps in again when his eyes lose their glow, giving me the feeling that soul-felt pain is surfacing. Jensen guides me to the sofa, and when Etta curls at my feet and peers up with a gaze of sadness, her warning of oncoming hurt sends my stomach crashing.
“There is something that I need to tell you. I didn't say anything sooner because you mean so much to me that I am afraid of losing you, but please believe that it is all in the past. You should also
No, I’m deceiving myself. I must be.
This is lame. Not only have I put myself in the middle of temptation, I’m holding this guitar like it's a shield so that I won’t grab anything else. If I could get these people to lay off of me, accept that I don’t share this lifestyle anymore, and respect that I have found someone special then—
Then monkeys will fly out my ass.
“Hey, Larry. I’m sorry man, but I’ve got to go.”
“What? You just got here.”
“I’ve got some place to be.”
“Yeah, Laura told me you had a stick up your ass now, but I just thought she was enjoying hearing herself talk.” More Jack gets guzzled down. Memories of what a nasty drunk Larry can be reinforce everything, so I pack it up. “Guess that new girl is why you want nothing to do with us. Afraid we might fill her in on a few details?”
My body tenses at his threat. Crap. If he knows I met someone, he can find out who she is. I’m screwed.
Laura’s head snaps to face me. Her eyes narrow and her features turn hard. By Laura’s reaction, I’m guessing he hasn’t clued her in.
I’m out the door before he finishes his yammering, only to hear him scream his final words that the band is now better off without me. I don’t care if he’s right. I am certainly better off without them. Still, I need to find a way to balance music with everything else in life. I took a huge step back by coming here, and then corrected it by leaving before it’s too late. I’ll let myself think that I’m even. As for that song, I’m done. It’s just an unnecessary tie to my past. If I need drugs to write, I’ll never write again. I’d rather miss writing than miss Lizetta.
Bertha and I speed off as Larry’s words catch up with me. I’ve been putting off telling Lizetta what a horrible person I was, but I’d damn well better fill her in before someone else does. First, I’ve got to get to Paul before she gets home from girl’s night out with Griffin. Since her dad had an addiction, I need to approach this gently.
Jensen bails, and it’s like he’s leaving me all over again, only this time I actually see the door close. He’s seeing someone! How could he do this to me?
Fuckin’ Larry! He knows how to play me. He also knows the way to get to me is to make me jealous, pissed, and irrational. Springing Jensen’s news on me was a failsafe incase his plan backfired. I’m being played, and dammit, it’s working. Some little bitch has my man. I need to fix this—pronto!
CHAPTER SEVEN
Friday, May 19
Etta’s happy bark signals my arrival at Jensen’s. The moment the door opens, her paws are all over me. She gets just enough love not to feel slighted before I get my lips on the man that has my heart palpitating simply because he exists.
Jensen has given me some amazing kisses, but his embrace reminds me of a bear who wants to drag me into his cave and hoard me. Between this and him calling to apologize for his recent distance, I almost feel that all is right again. Still, after the concern I have felt over the last few days, I cannot shake my weird itch of discomfort over his invitation.
Jensen pulls back and smiles down at me. The tender caress of his thumb on my cheek has me melting. But fear creeps in again when his eyes lose their glow, giving me the feeling that soul-felt pain is surfacing. Jensen guides me to the sofa, and when Etta curls at my feet and peers up with a gaze of sadness, her warning of oncoming hurt sends my stomach crashing.
“There is something that I need to tell you. I didn't say anything sooner because you mean so much to me that I am afraid of losing you, but please believe that it is all in the past. You should also
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