Something Like Winter by Jay Bell Page A

“You’re ruining my story.”
    “ Sorry.”
    “ So anyway, shortly
afterwards, a girl in school asked me out. Not like on a date, but
to be her boyfriend or whatever. That was the missing puzzle piece.
The idea of being with a girl that way, of being romantic, had
never occurred to me. I mean, it was fine for other people, just
not for me. But when I thought of Kevin, it felt right.”
    Tim shook his head. “That’s
not me, Benjamin. I like girls. They turn me on.”
    “ But you like guys too,”
Ben pointed out.
    “ Maybe.”
    Ben lowered himself over
the edge and hopped down. He got on the ground with Tim, crawling
over him like an animal, bringing their faces close together. He
was so damn ballsy! They hadn’t done a thing since last weekend,
and Ben acted certain Tim would still be willing. Of course he was
right. Ben kissed him, and Tim kissed back, reaching to stroke his
hair when Ben moved away.
    “ Maybe? ” Ben said with a smirk. Then he sat back, pulling his legs up
in front of him.
    Tim sat up too. “You sure
know how to make a point!”
    Ben grinned. “What I’m
trying to say is that it’s not just physical. I’ve messed around
with a lot of straight guys before.”
    “ What? How does that
work?”
    “ Well, it was mostly in
junior high when guys are a little more experimental. Or desperate.
So there were a handful I would do stuff for.”
    Tim wasn’t sure if he
should be turned on or jealous. “What sort of stuff?”
    “ You know firsthand,” Ben
said pointedly. “Anyway, I thought there were a lot of other guys
like me. I’d already sat in this very tree and put a name to it. I
even said it out loud. ‘I’m gay.’ You have to come out to yourself
first, so I did. I thought these other guys hadn’t done that yet,
so I started talking to them about it.”
    “ And?”
    “ And it got around the
school. I lost all my friends except for Allison, and most of those
guys I thought were like me now have girlfriends.”
    Tim watched Ben’s face
closely, trying to imagine how that must have felt. In Kansas, the
school had turned against Tim because of a lie. But for Ben, they
turned their backs because of who he was.
    “ Sorry, man.” The words
were far from sufficient, but they were all Tim could
manage.
    “ It’s okay. I keep getting
sidetracked, really. My point is that just because these guys
messed around with me, doesn’t make them gay. We all do crazy
things when we’re horny. So you sleeping with girls doesn’t mean
you’re straight.”
    Tim stared at him. Then he
laughed. “You think I’m just a very experimental gay guy? I’ve had
sex with women enough times that it’s gone way past the experimental stage. Is
there an expert phase? Because that’s where I’m at.”
    Ben tried a new tactic.
“Did you love any of them?”
    That shut Tim up. The
longest relationship he ever had was with Carla, and half the time
they were together he didn’t even like her. But part of him cared
enough to stick with her. Sort of like he was doing with Krista. He
would never be her friend, but as a girlfriend it somehow
worked.
    “ I’ve never been in love
with a guy either,” Tim said.
    Ben shrugged. “So the jury
is still out. At least until you fall in love.”
    Tim shook his head
ruefully. “Whatever makes you happy.” He glanced up at the tree.
“Speaking of love, who is A.C.?”
    Ben looked embarrassed and
followed his gaze. Carved into the tree were two sets of initials.
The B.B. could only belong to Ben Bentley.
    “ Allison Cross.”
    “ So Benjamin has had a girlfriend
before?” Tim said with a cackle. “How experimental of
you!”
    “ Shut up!” Ben laughed. “We
were young and dumb. Allison and I thought it would make a good
best friends oath. You know, like how people cut their thumbs and
press them together or whatever. We carved our initials on this
tree.”
    “ And then carved a heart
around them,” Tim pointed out.
    “ Young and dumb,” Ben
repeated.