Something Like This (Secrets) by Eileen Cruz Coleman

and tell it to get the hell out because she wasn’t done with life. But instead, she gave up.
    The minute she heard she was sick she threw her arms up in the air and surrendered. Not once did she go to her treatment appointments. Not once did she take her pills. Not once did she hug me and tell me she loved me and that she was sorry for not fighting. No, my mother was glad she was leaving because death meant she no longer had to face another day where she was reminded that she never succeeded at life. That despite her preaching to me that I needed to make something of myself, that I needed to go to college, that I needed to make enough money so that I wouldn’t have to rummage through the church’s charity pantry at the end of each week, she knew I didn’t look up to her. But what she never seemed to fully grasp was that I loved her even with all of her failures and craziness. She was my mom, and I loved her. It didn’t matter to me that she was bankrupt because she had invested all of her money in a scamming company. I just wanted what all kids want from their parents: love and support. That’s it, pure and simple.
    A train came to a stop; its doors opened and I didn’t get on. You win, Mami. You win, yet again. I’ll go back to Reece’s apartment; I won’t be like you. I won’t have a panic attack. I won’t run away.
    ***
    S tanding in front of Reece’s apartment door, I chewed my lower lip and coerced my finger to push the doorbell. I stood back and waited.
    Seconds later, the door opened and before Reece could say anything to me, I said, “Okay, leaving was kind of dumb. I don’t know why I left... actually I do know, I was embarrassed, I’m sorry. But I came back. I’m here.”
    He smiled. “I got your note. Aren’t you going to be late for work?”
    “Yes, and I don’t care. I’m an idiot.”
    “I’m glad you came back, but you’re not an idiot. Do you want to come in or do you have to go and you just came back to tease me?”
    I brushed away a strand of hair from my face. “I want to stay.”
    “What about work?”
    “I’ll call in sick today.”
    “Hmm, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
    “Why?”
    “Because, if you’re sick you won’t be able to have breakfast with me and you’ll miss out on some delicious muffins. You’ll have to go straight to bed.”
    “What if I promise to go to bed after breakfast?”
    He stroked his chin. “That works, you may now enter.” He stepped aside and let me pass.
    Once we were both inside, he went to the kitchen and grabbed two plates.
    I timidly sat down at the kitchen table, the sunlight coming through the window blinding me.
    He placed a plate with a huge cranberry muffin on it in front of me and took a seat on the other side of the table.
    “Mind if we pull the blinds down?” I asked.
    “But of course, I can’t have the sun blinding my poor, sick girlfriend, can I?”
    Hearing him calling me his girlfriend made me smile.
    “Why thank you very much, kind sir.” I bit into my muffin.
    “Better?” he asked, once the blinds were down.
    “Much.”
    “What do you think?” he asked, his gaze on the muffin.
    “Yummy.”
    Grinning, he bit into his muffin. Once he had swallowed, he said, “I’m not going to pressure you into talking to me about your father. If you want to talk to me, I’m here. I’ll always be here.”
    I stopped chewing and immediately felt tears coming on.
    “Thank you for understanding. I’m happy I told you. But, if I’m being honest, I really don’t know what to do.”
    “About what?”
    “I don’t want you to think I’m heartless. I’ve tried talking to my father, but I just can’t. It’s been so long and I wouldn’t even know what to say.”
    “Do you love him?”
    I moved crumbs around on my plate. “Yes.”
    “Then start there. Start with your heart.”
    “I don’t think I can.”
    “Why not?”
    “Because I haven’t forgiven him. Where has he been all this time? Why didn’t he