as she herded us forward.
"It's a real fine story," Francis said. "The poop don't lie."
"But Dracula does," I whispered under my breath. "We going in?" I asked Hank.
"Don't see that we have much of a choice," he said quietly as the Cows behind us pushed us along with gentle nudges.
"Just don't get behind them," Granny hissed. "If the milk doesn't kill us the gas surely will."
"This may have been a tremendously shitty idea," Dwayne said nervously.
"No pun intended." Granny giggled.
"Actually it was," Dwayne corrected her.
"Oh. Then that was a good one," Granny congratulated him.
"Thank you."
"Nope, not a bad idea," Hank disagreed with Dwayne while completely ignoring the punny talk. "We'll find out what they want with Dwayne. If they want him—you—dead, we kill them."
"Well, there's a plan," I snapped.
"You have a better one, sexy?" he asked with a raised brow.
I thought for a brief moment and shrugged. "Nope. Works for me, love of my life."
"Let's go drink some milk," Hank said. "No one is going to believe this."
Truer words had never been said.
Chapter 8
The inside of the trailer completely belied the rest of the property. It was immaculate and huge. It was furnished comfortably in a style that hadn't advanced past the 1950's. It was actually kind of cool retro. Everything was mint green and white with a dash of yellow thrown in here and there.
Glass milk jugs sat neatly on a series of bright yellow shelves that lined the entirety of the mobile home. There were several closed doors that I assumed were bedrooms.
"What the hell?" Granny said as she admired the plastic slipcovered floral couches.
She glanced over at me as I gaped and gave me a sharp look.
"Close your mouth, Essie, you'll catch flies. Literally," she whispered. "Poop?"
I closed my mouth on a gag that I faked as a cough when the Cows looked over at me, concerned.
"Sit your cracks down," Francis demanded as she began pulling glasses out of a cabinet. "We're about to blow your minds."
That statement could go so many ways… All four of us wedged ourselves down on the couch as the Cows grinned and gave each other covert looks.
"We don't get much company," Pat said. "Humans used to come out here, but Jamie was having a bad day about three years ago and ate one. We don't see ‘em much anymore."
"I can see how that might affect business," I choked out.
Hank was correct. No one was going to believe this.
"How are you feeling today, Jamie?" Hank inquired politely.
"I'm fine. Thank you," Jamie said.
"Thank k.d. lang for that," Dwayne mumbled.
Pat, Lee and Morgan served us tall glasses of milk. They sat them carefully on the mint green Elvis themed coffee table.
"Aren't you going to join us?" Granny asked as she eyed the milk distrustfully.
"Oh, hell no," Harley bellowed. "No way I'd drink something I spewed out of my body a couple hours ago."
The Cows all nodded in agreement. Holy hell, there was no way I'd be able to swallow the milk without projectile vomiting. However, Hank and Granny had no such issue. Dwayne was excused since he was a Vamp and only drank blood. Lucky bastard.
"Sweet baby Moses in a thong bikini," Granny gushed as she took another sip. "This is magnificent."
The Cows grinned and high-fived like they'd won a medal at the Olympics. No matter how much Granny liked it, I couldn't do it. Granny also liked lima beans…
"Ain't ya gonna try it, skinny girl?" Pat inquired with narrowed eyes.
"The whole spew out of the teats thing kind of put me off," I explained to Pat honestly. "I'll try it in a minute."
It took everything I had not to snap at Pat about the skinny comment. It certainly wouldn't help matters if I called it a fat ass.
All the Cows nodded in understanding and I heaved a sigh of relief.
"Do you shift much?" Hank asked as he put his barely
"It's a real fine story," Francis said. "The poop don't lie."
"But Dracula does," I whispered under my breath. "We going in?" I asked Hank.
"Don't see that we have much of a choice," he said quietly as the Cows behind us pushed us along with gentle nudges.
"Just don't get behind them," Granny hissed. "If the milk doesn't kill us the gas surely will."
"This may have been a tremendously shitty idea," Dwayne said nervously.
"No pun intended." Granny giggled.
"Actually it was," Dwayne corrected her.
"Oh. Then that was a good one," Granny congratulated him.
"Thank you."
"Nope, not a bad idea," Hank disagreed with Dwayne while completely ignoring the punny talk. "We'll find out what they want with Dwayne. If they want him—you—dead, we kill them."
"Well, there's a plan," I snapped.
"You have a better one, sexy?" he asked with a raised brow.
I thought for a brief moment and shrugged. "Nope. Works for me, love of my life."
"Let's go drink some milk," Hank said. "No one is going to believe this."
Truer words had never been said.
Chapter 8
The inside of the trailer completely belied the rest of the property. It was immaculate and huge. It was furnished comfortably in a style that hadn't advanced past the 1950's. It was actually kind of cool retro. Everything was mint green and white with a dash of yellow thrown in here and there.
Glass milk jugs sat neatly on a series of bright yellow shelves that lined the entirety of the mobile home. There were several closed doors that I assumed were bedrooms.
"What the hell?" Granny said as she admired the plastic slipcovered floral couches.
She glanced over at me as I gaped and gave me a sharp look.
"Close your mouth, Essie, you'll catch flies. Literally," she whispered. "Poop?"
I closed my mouth on a gag that I faked as a cough when the Cows looked over at me, concerned.
"Sit your cracks down," Francis demanded as she began pulling glasses out of a cabinet. "We're about to blow your minds."
That statement could go so many ways… All four of us wedged ourselves down on the couch as the Cows grinned and gave each other covert looks.
"We don't get much company," Pat said. "Humans used to come out here, but Jamie was having a bad day about three years ago and ate one. We don't see ‘em much anymore."
"I can see how that might affect business," I choked out.
Hank was correct. No one was going to believe this.
"How are you feeling today, Jamie?" Hank inquired politely.
"I'm fine. Thank you," Jamie said.
"Thank k.d. lang for that," Dwayne mumbled.
Pat, Lee and Morgan served us tall glasses of milk. They sat them carefully on the mint green Elvis themed coffee table.
"Aren't you going to join us?" Granny asked as she eyed the milk distrustfully.
"Oh, hell no," Harley bellowed. "No way I'd drink something I spewed out of my body a couple hours ago."
The Cows all nodded in agreement. Holy hell, there was no way I'd be able to swallow the milk without projectile vomiting. However, Hank and Granny had no such issue. Dwayne was excused since he was a Vamp and only drank blood. Lucky bastard.
"Sweet baby Moses in a thong bikini," Granny gushed as she took another sip. "This is magnificent."
The Cows grinned and high-fived like they'd won a medal at the Olympics. No matter how much Granny liked it, I couldn't do it. Granny also liked lima beans…
"Ain't ya gonna try it, skinny girl?" Pat inquired with narrowed eyes.
"The whole spew out of the teats thing kind of put me off," I explained to Pat honestly. "I'll try it in a minute."
It took everything I had not to snap at Pat about the skinny comment. It certainly wouldn't help matters if I called it a fat ass.
All the Cows nodded in understanding and I heaved a sigh of relief.
"Do you shift much?" Hank asked as he put his barely
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