Sold Out by Melody Carlson

to God.
    Also, we decided it wouldn’t hurt to make some last-minute posters to place at school to announce the memorial concert. I don’t know why we didn’t think of this sooner since the kids from McFadden (that come to youth group) have been doing this already, and the local Christian radio station has been advertising it too. But it was Allie’s idea, and since she’s the artist, we put her in charge. She’s going to draw up some posters, then ask Greg if we can decorate them during youth group tomorrow. I’m sure he won’t mind.
    I’m really looking forward to Monday since my brother Josh and (I think) Caitlin are both coming to hear us perform. It’ll be so cool to see them again. I’m also pretty curious to see how the two of them interact with each other. I haven’t seen them actually together since their breakup last winter. Although Caitlin assured me on the phone this week that they really do speak to each other now. “Just as friends though,” she said, as if to clarify. “That’s what we need to be to each other for the time being.”
    “For the time being?” I asked hopefully.
    She laughed. “Yeah, I’m sticking to that one-day-at-a-time thing. It’s a lot easier than trying to predict the future.”
    “That’s cool.”
    Still, if I were to predict the future, I’d guess that those two will eventually end up together, permanently. But I suppose I could be wrong. Nah!
    Anyway, this girl-guy talk makes me think of Cesar. I know I haven’t written much about him, or rather my feelings about him, but I have to admit I really think he’s cool. Not just to look at either. But here’s what’s ironic…ever since he invited God into his life, he doesn’t seem nearly as interested in me as he used to be. Before, he would say things, or hint at things, that made me think he liked me—like he wanted to date me. Now he acts more like a brother or just a good buddy. And that’s cool, I guess. But suddenly I’m thinking: I really wish he’d ask me out. Now how weird is that? Maybe I just have spring fever.
    Better to forget such nonsense (not that Cesar is nonsense—he’s definitely not). But I think I need to focus more on my music—and God, of course!
    KEEPING MY HEART ON YOU
keeping my mind on You
i’m holding on tight
to what i know’s true
all through the night
keeping my eyes on You
i follow Your lead
You’ll see me through
give me what i need
keeping my heart on You
i’m hanging on fast
toYour mercies new
Your love that’ll last
keeping my heart on You
cm

Eleven
Monday, May 26
    Totally rad night! The best!!! And I’m not just talking about our performance either. The evening started out with some college kids (most of them used to go to McFadden) sharing about how the shooting at their high school had impacted their lives during the past two years. Even Josh and Caitlin got up to share—a complete surprise to me since I thought they’d come all this way just to hear us perform. But what they said was really cool and I think it touched the crowd.
    About ten kids shared altogether, including Caitlin’s good friend Beanie Jacobs (I think I liked what she said the best), but it was interesting to hear how each person had been touched in a completely different way. And as Caitlin said, there’s no way of knowing how far a life like Clay’s might reach. And I can personally attest to that since it was at his very gravestone where I found God. I still get blown away when I think of what happened that day. I even shared a little bit about it—very briefly—before we started to play.
    And it felt so good to be back together againas a band (without Willy stepping in for Laura—although we still tease him about that). And I think we sounded pretty hot too—if I do say so myself. Obviously, I wouldn’t say this in public, it would sound annoyingly arrogant, but I can say it in the privacy of my diary. We were really, really on fire tonight!!! It’s like it all just came