Chapter One
“OOOH DAD,” Ivy exclaimed. “I just had the best idea ever!”
Oh God. “No.”
“You don’t even know what I was gonna say,” she argued.
I groaned.
“What? How did I know you didn’t like blonds?”
“I’m sorry, what?”
Even though I loved her, Ivy could try the patience of a saint. Since I wasn’t one, I was this close to throttling her. The matchmaking had to stop. Even though she meant well, I was starting to cringe whenever I came home and smelled something cooking as I walked into the house.
“Craig was adorable,” she cooed.
He was also, easily, twenty years my junior. And even though the school counselor had put his hands all over me when my daughter left the kitchen to set the dinner table, showing me in no uncertain terms that he was more than interested, I was not. I wasn’t in the market for a boy; I was looking for a man. Or more precisely, if I was, in fact, searching for anyone, it would have been a grown-up.
“Stop trying to set me up,” I enunciated for her.
“Pardon me?”
Her eyes blinking as though she were all innocent sweetness… was a crock. “Stop bringing strange men home.”
She scoffed.
Jesus, what had I just said?
“I bet you didn’t think you’d be saying that to me until I was eighteen, huh?”
I was horrified. “That’s so not funny. Don’t ever say that to me again.”
Her cackle was evil. “I wouldn’t have to bring home strangers if you’d just put on your big boy pants and take a chance.”
I stopped walking. “I’m sorry?”
She whined, “Come on, Dad, it’s time already.”
It was a blessing that Ivy, who thought she missed nothing, considered me boring and stalwart and all those things a good father should be. But after my friendly, supportive divorce, I had made up for lost time after living in homosexual denial and slept with every man I found even remotely appealing. What that amounted to was more sex than I’d ever had in my life, and I became such a player that names got confused and I turned into one of those guys I hated who evaporated in the morning light, all slick come-on lines and no substance. I got really good at sneaking out of bedrooms, down fire escapes, and out back doors.
When I woke up one morning in Seth Jordan’s bed, alone, I was surprised that he walked into the room a minute later with two cups of coffee as I was frantically dressing. The arched eyebrow, warm smile, and teasing tone while he asked what my hurry was threw me for a loop. It turned into one of the best relationships of my life.
Ivy continued. “I know you’re all worried because Mom died and you think I’ve lost enough and you don’t want me to get attached to people who aren’t gonna stick around.”
It was a lot of psychology so early in the morning. “Where are you getting—”
“I talked to Hutch, and he said that since you’re the only parent at present, that you probably have unrealistic expectations of what you need to do to keep me emotionally balanced.”
“You—”
“And Mike said that you’re probably concerned about bringing people into my life who might not stay.”
They were both dead men.
Seth hadn’t lasted. Six months was all we got before Deanna’s illness and Ivy needing me full-time took its toll. I’d lied to her, lied to both my girls—told them I wasn’t ready to tell people about Seth and so he left me, because the real truth—that he wanted me to live with him and hire a nurse for Deanna and be less involved with Ivy—was too hard for me to say let alone allow them to hear. He’d given me an ultimatum: him or my dying ex-wife and my little girl.
Leaving Seth, his home, his bed, the circle of his arms, annihilated me. He was the first man I had ever loved, but I made the only choice I could. I had to spend the small amount of time Deanna had left with her and Ivy as a family and make sure she was as comfortable as she could be. I had to let her know she was loved.
“OOOH DAD,” Ivy exclaimed. “I just had the best idea ever!”
Oh God. “No.”
“You don’t even know what I was gonna say,” she argued.
I groaned.
“What? How did I know you didn’t like blonds?”
“I’m sorry, what?”
Even though I loved her, Ivy could try the patience of a saint. Since I wasn’t one, I was this close to throttling her. The matchmaking had to stop. Even though she meant well, I was starting to cringe whenever I came home and smelled something cooking as I walked into the house.
“Craig was adorable,” she cooed.
He was also, easily, twenty years my junior. And even though the school counselor had put his hands all over me when my daughter left the kitchen to set the dinner table, showing me in no uncertain terms that he was more than interested, I was not. I wasn’t in the market for a boy; I was looking for a man. Or more precisely, if I was, in fact, searching for anyone, it would have been a grown-up.
“Stop trying to set me up,” I enunciated for her.
“Pardon me?”
Her eyes blinking as though she were all innocent sweetness… was a crock. “Stop bringing strange men home.”
She scoffed.
Jesus, what had I just said?
“I bet you didn’t think you’d be saying that to me until I was eighteen, huh?”
I was horrified. “That’s so not funny. Don’t ever say that to me again.”
Her cackle was evil. “I wouldn’t have to bring home strangers if you’d just put on your big boy pants and take a chance.”
I stopped walking. “I’m sorry?”
She whined, “Come on, Dad, it’s time already.”
It was a blessing that Ivy, who thought she missed nothing, considered me boring and stalwart and all those things a good father should be. But after my friendly, supportive divorce, I had made up for lost time after living in homosexual denial and slept with every man I found even remotely appealing. What that amounted to was more sex than I’d ever had in my life, and I became such a player that names got confused and I turned into one of those guys I hated who evaporated in the morning light, all slick come-on lines and no substance. I got really good at sneaking out of bedrooms, down fire escapes, and out back doors.
When I woke up one morning in Seth Jordan’s bed, alone, I was surprised that he walked into the room a minute later with two cups of coffee as I was frantically dressing. The arched eyebrow, warm smile, and teasing tone while he asked what my hurry was threw me for a loop. It turned into one of the best relationships of my life.
Ivy continued. “I know you’re all worried because Mom died and you think I’ve lost enough and you don’t want me to get attached to people who aren’t gonna stick around.”
It was a lot of psychology so early in the morning. “Where are you getting—”
“I talked to Hutch, and he said that since you’re the only parent at present, that you probably have unrealistic expectations of what you need to do to keep me emotionally balanced.”
“You—”
“And Mike said that you’re probably concerned about bringing people into my life who might not stay.”
They were both dead men.
Seth hadn’t lasted. Six months was all we got before Deanna’s illness and Ivy needing me full-time took its toll. I’d lied to her, lied to both my girls—told them I wasn’t ready to tell people about Seth and so he left me, because the real truth—that he wanted me to live with him and hire a nurse for Deanna and be less involved with Ivy—was too hard for me to say let alone allow them to hear. He’d given me an ultimatum: him or my dying ex-wife and my little girl.
Leaving Seth, his home, his bed, the circle of his arms, annihilated me. He was the first man I had ever loved, but I made the only choice I could. I had to spend the small amount of time Deanna had left with her and Ivy as a family and make sure she was as comfortable as she could be. I had to let her know she was loved.
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