“So what is it that you do, Ellis?” I asked, crossing my arms.
“Oh, a little bit of this. A little bit of that.”
I rolled my eyes. “Nice. How about a little bit more detail, though.”
“I’m not a criminal or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I’m not worried about that. I’m just wondering what it is you do for a living, how you support yourself… See, this is what Americans would refer to as an icebreaker, some sort of conversation to find out about one another.”
He studied me briefly. “I’m an applications developer for a company up in Houston.”
“And what does that mean?”
“Computer stuff.”
“Ah,” I said. “So you’re a computer geek.”
He took a sip of his beer. “More or less, but that’s just something I do on the side.”
“Oh, really?” I raised my eyebrows and gave him a playful look. “What’s your real job then?”
“I’m a professional poker player.”
“Poker?” I swallowed hard, my voice becoming quiet.
“Yeah. You know. Poker… It’s a card game. Placing bets… Going all in…”
Those last words hit me, making it feel as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. This conversation was yet another reminder that moving on wasn’t in the cards for me. The sounds of the bar grew muddled and became background noise as I was whisked back to that day.
“I’m a broken man.” Tyler leaned his forehead on mine and lovingly caressed my face as we sat in the front seat of my Mercedes, the March sun beating down on us.
“Everyone’s broken in one way or another, Tyler.”
“Not like me. Some days, I feel like I’m barely hanging on. But I haven’t since I met you. For the past six years, all I’ve felt is pain. I know this sounds crazy but, whenever I’m with you, I find meaning in that pain.” He held my face in his hands, but I remained speechless, his impassioned words overwhelming me.
“So whatever this is and whatever it’s going to be, know that I’m all in, Mackenzie. You have enchanted my heart and, for the first time in years, I feel alive, even when I’m not with you. I know we just met and I’ll be the first to admit I wasn’t expecting to be so captivated by you.” He took a deep breath. “But I am. I am unimaginably bewitched by you. I’m all in, Mackenzie.”
The memory was so vivid, so sharp, as if it was happening at that moment. I remembered precisely what he was wearing…a yellow polo shirt and jeans that fit him perfectly. His green eyes were brilliant but scared. What I didn’t see as I relived this memory was a lack of sincerity. It covered him, from the way his fiery gaze burned into me to the way he caressed my skin. Even early on, I could sense he didn’t say those words just to get information. They were true. I couldn’t help but think about what else was true.
“Mackenzie,” Ellis’ voice cut through, bringing me out of my memory. “Where did you go?”
“Sorry. I was just thinking about something.” I grabbed a towel and began to wipe down the counter. “I need to get back to work. Enjoy your beer, Ellis.”
I heard him call my name as I rushed from behind the bar, through the busy restaurant, and up to my office, struggling to breathe. Even after all the times I had tried to convince myself, I knew I wasn’t over Tyler Burnham. I doubted whether I ever would be.
~~~~~~~~~~
T HAT NIGHT , I TOSSED and turned for hours, a thousand thoughts running through my head. I had kept my true feelings buried for months, forbidden from communicating what was going through my mind to the one person who needed to know. I had let it all fester, but it wasn’t until I met another man who seemed to be interested in me that I realized how messed up I still was. I was desperate for closure, to finally tell him what I was feeling…even if it fell on deaf ears.
Rummaging through my bag, I grabbed my laptop and booted it up. I typed in the email address I had for Tyler and
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