beer.”
Two weeks ago, I could have devoured multiple rib cages if given the chance, and then licked every last drop of barbecue sauce from my fingers. But with my eyes on Bennett, I felt no hunger. Ribs were a meal that hungry people ate.
“The personal trainer eats ribs?”
“Don’t tell the kids,” he said.
I laughed, and then I saw it for the first time: the cross around his neck. It was small and wooden, dangling from a leather thong at the base of his throat.
“Know what I’m famous for with my friends? Ask me about the specials at any fast-food place. Go on. I always know.”
“KFC.”
“Free medium soft drink with any plated meal.”
“What’s a plated meal?”
“A meal on a plate.”
“Makes it sound healthy.”
“Never claimed it was healthy.”
“Mia was telling the kids the other day that they should always eat off a plate. Where you get in trouble is if you start eating out of the bag.”
“Because you won’t know when to stop.”
“Knowing when to stop is half the ba—” I cut myself off. I was so very sick of my platitudes.
“Give me another,” Bennett said.
“I don’t know. Burger King?”
“A free vampire collector’s glass with any value meal.”
“What’s a collector’s glass?”
“A glass for collectors.”
“But who would collect—”
“Do you know what a value meal is?”
“Isn’t it . . . No, actually.”
“Bunch of items that cost less all together than they would individually.”
“How gestalt.”
“Pardon?”
I shook my head. “So you’re one of those hypocrite trainers,” I said. “I can’t believe you eat fast food.” I almost nudged him with my elbow, but I stopped just short of touching him.
“I’m not a real personal trainer yet. My test isn’t until October.”
“So come October, you’ll stop eating Burger King?”
“Come October, a lot of things will change. I’ll strike out on my own, for one thing. I’m already getting to the end of my rope with Lewis. This camp is a mess. Do you know how many employees here are unqualified?”
“How many?”
“All of us. Pretty much. Look, I know plenty about fitness. Still, though. He couldn’t find a real trainer? Not that I’m complaining. Just saying. You know, Mia doesn’t have her RD certification. She’s practically a kid. And Brendan sure as shit shouldn’t be anywhere near that climbing wall, and KJ, let me tell you, is no lifeguard. Then there’s Nurse, who’s, what, fifty years old? And hasn’t gotten her nursing certification yet. That woman’s crass as all get-out. She thinks Couth is her uncle, she’s so country.”
“You don’t like Nurse?”
“I like everyone.”
I leaned back on my elbows like Bennett. Above us, the stars winked.
“And you,” Bennett said. “Do you know what water aerobics is ?”
“No.”
“How’d you even hear about us, all the way down here?”
“I was reading about weight-loss camps once,” I said, crooking my nails to study them. I added, “On the Internet,” as if to substantiate my credentials.
“Don’t even get me started on Lewis,” Bennett said. “For some godforsaken reason, that man thinks he’s better than everyone at everything. He’s sure that one day he’ll prove it.”
“I love your accent,” I said.
“I don’t have an accent.”
“ ‘Godforsaken.’ What does that even mean?”
“Beats me,” Bennett said, sitting back up and rubbing his knees. “Watch. That man is going to go down. I don’t know when. I don’t know how. But you watch. It won’t be pretty.”
“I know about narcissists,” I said. I sat up, too. “They tend to self-destruct. I used to work with comedians.”
Bennett stopped rubbing his knees and stared at me. He wore a Carolina Hurricanes baseball cap, worn and faded; a Rolling Stones T-shirt with a lips-and-tongue logo; cutoff khaki shorts; his black-and-white-striped soccer sandals. “I like how you talk,” he said. “It’s so fancy.”
I
Two weeks ago, I could have devoured multiple rib cages if given the chance, and then licked every last drop of barbecue sauce from my fingers. But with my eyes on Bennett, I felt no hunger. Ribs were a meal that hungry people ate.
“The personal trainer eats ribs?”
“Don’t tell the kids,” he said.
I laughed, and then I saw it for the first time: the cross around his neck. It was small and wooden, dangling from a leather thong at the base of his throat.
“Know what I’m famous for with my friends? Ask me about the specials at any fast-food place. Go on. I always know.”
“KFC.”
“Free medium soft drink with any plated meal.”
“What’s a plated meal?”
“A meal on a plate.”
“Makes it sound healthy.”
“Never claimed it was healthy.”
“Mia was telling the kids the other day that they should always eat off a plate. Where you get in trouble is if you start eating out of the bag.”
“Because you won’t know when to stop.”
“Knowing when to stop is half the ba—” I cut myself off. I was so very sick of my platitudes.
“Give me another,” Bennett said.
“I don’t know. Burger King?”
“A free vampire collector’s glass with any value meal.”
“What’s a collector’s glass?”
“A glass for collectors.”
“But who would collect—”
“Do you know what a value meal is?”
“Isn’t it . . . No, actually.”
“Bunch of items that cost less all together than they would individually.”
“How gestalt.”
“Pardon?”
I shook my head. “So you’re one of those hypocrite trainers,” I said. “I can’t believe you eat fast food.” I almost nudged him with my elbow, but I stopped just short of touching him.
“I’m not a real personal trainer yet. My test isn’t until October.”
“So come October, you’ll stop eating Burger King?”
“Come October, a lot of things will change. I’ll strike out on my own, for one thing. I’m already getting to the end of my rope with Lewis. This camp is a mess. Do you know how many employees here are unqualified?”
“How many?”
“All of us. Pretty much. Look, I know plenty about fitness. Still, though. He couldn’t find a real trainer? Not that I’m complaining. Just saying. You know, Mia doesn’t have her RD certification. She’s practically a kid. And Brendan sure as shit shouldn’t be anywhere near that climbing wall, and KJ, let me tell you, is no lifeguard. Then there’s Nurse, who’s, what, fifty years old? And hasn’t gotten her nursing certification yet. That woman’s crass as all get-out. She thinks Couth is her uncle, she’s so country.”
“You don’t like Nurse?”
“I like everyone.”
I leaned back on my elbows like Bennett. Above us, the stars winked.
“And you,” Bennett said. “Do you know what water aerobics is ?”
“No.”
“How’d you even hear about us, all the way down here?”
“I was reading about weight-loss camps once,” I said, crooking my nails to study them. I added, “On the Internet,” as if to substantiate my credentials.
“Don’t even get me started on Lewis,” Bennett said. “For some godforsaken reason, that man thinks he’s better than everyone at everything. He’s sure that one day he’ll prove it.”
“I love your accent,” I said.
“I don’t have an accent.”
“ ‘Godforsaken.’ What does that even mean?”
“Beats me,” Bennett said, sitting back up and rubbing his knees. “Watch. That man is going to go down. I don’t know when. I don’t know how. But you watch. It won’t be pretty.”
“I know about narcissists,” I said. I sat up, too. “They tend to self-destruct. I used to work with comedians.”
Bennett stopped rubbing his knees and stared at me. He wore a Carolina Hurricanes baseball cap, worn and faded; a Rolling Stones T-shirt with a lips-and-tongue logo; cutoff khaki shorts; his black-and-white-striped soccer sandals. “I like how you talk,” he said. “It’s so fancy.”
I
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