Shhh by Raymond Federman Page B

remember.
    Ah, the holes in memory.
    I’ll tell that now before I forget it again.
    One day Papa came home all happy. We knew immediately that he had won money at the races. Before even taking off his coat, he emptied his pockets on the table. It was just before dinner. I was in the middle of setting the table. He pushed aside the plates and he dropped a pile of hundred francs bills on the table. A huge pile. I had never seen so much money.
    My mother didn’t say anything, but I could see that she was happy too because now she could buy more food, and maybe even some new clothes. But after Papa gave her some of the bills, he put the rest of the money back in his pocket, and started laughing. He picked up my little sister Jacqueline and did a pirouette holding her above his head. We were all so happy that day. And then he said, Tomorrow is Sunday, tomorrow we are all going to the beach in Trouville.
    My sisters and I were jumping with joy. But my mother didn’t seem very pleased about this idea of going to Trouville. She knew why Papa wanted to go there. My sisters and I, we didn’t know. We didn’t know that there was a casino in Trouville.
    So early the next morning we took the train to Trouville. It was the first time on a train for my sisters and I.
    Later, when we were a little older, we took the train twice to go on vacation. As I mentioned before, the city of Montrouge would send the children of the poor to spend two weeks on farms in Le Poitou. I’ll tell more about that later. But that day, when we went to Trouville, it was our first time on a train.
    We had our faces pressed against the window looking in awe at the trees speeding by, the fields, the farm houses, the cows. We were laughing, and shouting, Look, regarde les vaches. Oh, look over there, sheep, and a horse. We were so happy, and I think that made Maman happy too. When we arrived in Trouville, Papa bought each of us, my sisters and me, a little pail and a shovel so we could play in the sand on the beach. This was before Maman bought us bathing suits, so that day we were wearing shorts.
    So here we are on the beach. It was a beautiful sunny day. Maman didn’t have a bathing suit. She was wearing the dress she wore every day. She sat on one of the towels she had brought along, she pulled her dress up around her thighs so her legs could get suntanned. And she put a handkerchief on her head. It was one of the few times I saw my mother smile.
    My sisters and I were afraid to go in the water. We were still very young. We were afraid of the waves. So we stayed on the edge of the surf and put only our feet in, but when the waves came rushing at us we would jump back, and the water would splash us. Maman kept calling out to us, don’t go in. Be careful. Come back here and play with your pails.
    As soon as we arrived on the beach, Papa said he was going for a walk. Of course, he went to the casino. I didn’t know then what a casino was, but when he came back later in the afternoon Maman screamed at him for having lost all the money playing roulette.
    We immediately left for the train station. We didn’t even stay until evening in Trouville. We went back to Montrouge on an early train. But at least, I had seen the sea ...

You know, Federman, what you are telling is not really the story of your childhood. Except for a few anecdotes about what you did or what you endured when you were a kid, it’s mostly the story of your parents that you are in the process of telling. You tell more about your father and your mother than about yourself. You don’t stop talking about them.
    It’s true that it’s about them that I say the most. Finally, this book will be their story. Well, part of their story. The beginning..
    You also tell a lot about your uncle Leon, your aunt Marie, and your cousin Salomon.
    You’re right that Leon and Marie are very present in what I am telling.
    In fact, Federman, the book you are writing