Shattered & Mended by Julie Bailes, Becky Hot Tree Editing

covered her are gone. “She’s much bigger in this picture. She was still in the hospital?” By the size of Lacy , they should’ve left the hospital weeks, maybe even months, prior to these pictures.
    “This is the last day I ever held her.” Her voice breaks as she begins to cry.
    “How old is she there?” I ask, pointing to our baby girl.
    “Almost three months.”
    “What?” I yell. How does a mother, especially one with a heart of gold like Allie’s, care for a baby for months and then just hand her over?
    “Don’t fucking yell at me! I’m having a hard enough time as it is,” she sobs.
    “Tell me how. Tell me how to calm down, Allie. Not only did you drop the bomb on me that we created a life, which you so easily gave away, but you kept her for almost three months before handing her over? How?” 
    “You think it was easy handing her over?”
    “Yes, to me, that is exactly what it seems like. There is no way I could’ve held our precious girl in my arms and then hand her over for someone else to raise.” 
    “Are you kidding me? She was in the hospital that long, asshole. She was born prematurely, she couldn’t breathe on her own, and she was underweight! I stayed with her every day. I nursed her once she was able to suck. I took care of her, dammit! I gave birth to her. I wanted her. You didn’t. You walked away from us.” Spit sprays from her mouth as she speaks through her teeth. “Why am I even explaining myself to you? You don’t deserve an explanation. You can sit here and put the blame on me, but she’s gone because of you,” she accuses. 
    “How is that? I left, but you could’ve kept her, at least until I returned.”
    “How was I supposed to know you were coming back, huh? You left us behind! You didn’t leave a letter. You didn’t call. Nothing. How was I supposed to take care of her? Tell me that, Mister Kick-her-while-she’s-down Cooper,” she demands.
    Fuck. I don’t know, but she could’ve done something. “I’m not trying to kick you while you’re down, Allie. I’m just trying to understand. And maybe I’m coming off as a prick, but you could’ve done it. There’re shit loads of single mothers. No, it wouldn’t have been easy, but you could’ve managed. I mean, hell, did you at least know the family you handed her over to?” I ask hatefully. I’m trying to control my anger, but as usual, I spit out the words before evaluating them in my mind. She doesn’t respond. “Did you, Allie? Tell me everything you know.”!” I demand. Still nothing but a glare. 
    “For all things fucking holy! Tell me something, anything that’ll help me get her back,” I plea.
    “Glad to know you think so highly of me,” she huffs, her voice full of sarcasm. “She’s with a great family, and that’s all you need to know. You can’t go and rip someone’s daughter away from them after they’ve raised her for almost four years. Are you insane?” I’m beginning to think I am.
    “Not yet, but I’m on my way there. Of course, I can’t rip her from their home, but I am going to fight to get back custody. Goddammit, Allie, I just don’t understand how you did it. I don’t know how anyone could do it.” Do I feel bad for the family I’m going after? You bet your ass I do, but she’s mine.
    “If all you’re going to do is tear me apart and belittle me, get the hell out. I don’t need you or anyone else telling me how horrible a person I am; I already know. Every single time I close my eyes, I see her beautiful face. Those beautiful blue eyes haunt my dreams. And on top of all that, I feel guilty for having these babies; almost to the point of not wanting them. There!
    You happy?”
    “No. I’m not happy. Allie, the last thing I want to see is you hurting. I know I’m coming across as an insensitive dick, but I just want our daughter. I’m sorry; I didn’t realize all you went through. And I hate myself for leaving, but we all make mistakes, and you won’t