rubbing my forehead and Ethan looks worried.
“We only see each other if she’s pulled to help out on my ward, and even then my ward has to be extremely short handed.”
“Did you ever hang out with her on break?”
“No.”
“Has she ever hung out with you while you were on break?”
Silence.
Wow.
“How many times have you hung out together while I was being stood up?”
More silence.
Shit.
I mouth ‘wow’ but no sound escapes the vise squeezing my throat.
“Hanging out with her isn’t a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?”
“Can we talk about this later? I have to get back to work.”
“No, the time to talk is now.”
“I can’t talk now; I have to get back to work. Come by the house later and we’ll talk,” he says cleaning our table off.
“You go home and wait for me to show up. When the minutes turn to hours, see how far your mind wanders. See how much it hurts to not be important enough to get a courtesy call.”
“Come on darlin’, don’t be like that.”
“How am I not supposed to be? Am I not supposed to be pissed that you were hanging out with your ex while I was being stood up? How about you go home and wait for me to show up tonight. When I don’t show up will you wonder if I stood you up to hang out with someone else? What if I was out enjoying dinner with an ex while you watched the clock?” His eyes are shooting daggers at me but I cut him off before he can respond. “Why are you getting angry? It isn’t a big deal, remember?” I say with sugar falling off of each syllable. Ethan runs a frustrated hand through his hair and looks at me with pleading eyes. I’m too angry to hear anything he has to say and he knows it.
“I’ll talk to you later when you’ve calmed down,” he says before walking away. I violently yank my hobo bag onto my shoulder and focus my cool gait out the door (I’ll be damned if Karen sees me heartbroken). I point my car to a local biker joint and begin my self-destruction.
****
Its rare to see a black person in this biker bar, but the way this place got so tense when I walked in its like they had no idea black people existed. I spot a stool in the middle of the bar and sit down angrily mumbling to myself as I throw my purse onto the counter. The dark haired bartender takes her sweet ass time making her way over to me and it further pisses me off.
“You lost?”
“Nope. Three shots of vodka and a green apple Smirnoff Ice.”
“All out of those.”
“Listen,” I point at her, “we’re both girls so I know you understand how it feels to be lied to by a man you completely trusted. I had my heart bruised twenty minutes ago with a ‘ it’s not a big deal ,’ so do you think you can cut me some slack and let me drown my sorrows?”
A beat passes before she asks, “You want those shots chilled?” A terse head nod is all I give her and it’s all she needs.
****
By the time I swallow down shot #5 I realize that it was unfair of me to be angry with him for not having time to argue with me while he’s at work. I know he needs to keep his head clear while at work but my broken heart doesn’t care. My broken heart wants him to call and hash it out with me; but he doesn’t. Since my heart is calling the shots, I keep drinking.
By shot #7 I’m singing along with the jukebox but I’m nowhere near drunk enough to climb on top of the bar to dance. I notice some of the men are inching their way towards me (this can turn bad quick), so I text Ava the address of the bar.
****
I’m in the middle of flirting with Pierce (a young biker) when Ethan steps through the door. Shit! Either Ava ratted me out or he followed her.
“I think you should walk away now.”
“Why?” he asks casually sipping his beer.
“Because my boyfriend is here and he looks pissed,” I whisper as I follow Ethan’s every move.
“Get your shit and lets go,” Ethan hisses.
“Why are you here? I texted Ava.”
“I’m not in the mood for your shit, now
“We only see each other if she’s pulled to help out on my ward, and even then my ward has to be extremely short handed.”
“Did you ever hang out with her on break?”
“No.”
“Has she ever hung out with you while you were on break?”
Silence.
Wow.
“How many times have you hung out together while I was being stood up?”
More silence.
Shit.
I mouth ‘wow’ but no sound escapes the vise squeezing my throat.
“Hanging out with her isn’t a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?”
“Can we talk about this later? I have to get back to work.”
“No, the time to talk is now.”
“I can’t talk now; I have to get back to work. Come by the house later and we’ll talk,” he says cleaning our table off.
“You go home and wait for me to show up. When the minutes turn to hours, see how far your mind wanders. See how much it hurts to not be important enough to get a courtesy call.”
“Come on darlin’, don’t be like that.”
“How am I not supposed to be? Am I not supposed to be pissed that you were hanging out with your ex while I was being stood up? How about you go home and wait for me to show up tonight. When I don’t show up will you wonder if I stood you up to hang out with someone else? What if I was out enjoying dinner with an ex while you watched the clock?” His eyes are shooting daggers at me but I cut him off before he can respond. “Why are you getting angry? It isn’t a big deal, remember?” I say with sugar falling off of each syllable. Ethan runs a frustrated hand through his hair and looks at me with pleading eyes. I’m too angry to hear anything he has to say and he knows it.
“I’ll talk to you later when you’ve calmed down,” he says before walking away. I violently yank my hobo bag onto my shoulder and focus my cool gait out the door (I’ll be damned if Karen sees me heartbroken). I point my car to a local biker joint and begin my self-destruction.
****
Its rare to see a black person in this biker bar, but the way this place got so tense when I walked in its like they had no idea black people existed. I spot a stool in the middle of the bar and sit down angrily mumbling to myself as I throw my purse onto the counter. The dark haired bartender takes her sweet ass time making her way over to me and it further pisses me off.
“You lost?”
“Nope. Three shots of vodka and a green apple Smirnoff Ice.”
“All out of those.”
“Listen,” I point at her, “we’re both girls so I know you understand how it feels to be lied to by a man you completely trusted. I had my heart bruised twenty minutes ago with a ‘ it’s not a big deal ,’ so do you think you can cut me some slack and let me drown my sorrows?”
A beat passes before she asks, “You want those shots chilled?” A terse head nod is all I give her and it’s all she needs.
****
By the time I swallow down shot #5 I realize that it was unfair of me to be angry with him for not having time to argue with me while he’s at work. I know he needs to keep his head clear while at work but my broken heart doesn’t care. My broken heart wants him to call and hash it out with me; but he doesn’t. Since my heart is calling the shots, I keep drinking.
By shot #7 I’m singing along with the jukebox but I’m nowhere near drunk enough to climb on top of the bar to dance. I notice some of the men are inching their way towards me (this can turn bad quick), so I text Ava the address of the bar.
****
I’m in the middle of flirting with Pierce (a young biker) when Ethan steps through the door. Shit! Either Ava ratted me out or he followed her.
“I think you should walk away now.”
“Why?” he asks casually sipping his beer.
“Because my boyfriend is here and he looks pissed,” I whisper as I follow Ethan’s every move.
“Get your shit and lets go,” Ethan hisses.
“Why are you here? I texted Ava.”
“I’m not in the mood for your shit, now
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