Sex & God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality by Darrel Ray Page A
Authors: Darrel Ray
Tags: Religión, General, Psychology, Christianity, Atheism, Sexuality & Gender Studies, Human Sexuality
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secondary sexual preferences. 89 Primary sexual preference is a person’s main orientation: homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, transsexual. But primary sexual preference is only the scaffolding for sexuality; much needs to be filled in to make a complete sexual being. This is where secondary sexual preferences come in – sexual fetishes to body type preferences actually drive behavior. They are what turn people on.
A woman may be attracted to men with hair on their chest. A man may like women with a certain breast size. A woman may enjoy a man with asensuous mouth who can kiss well. A man may want a woman who acts seductively and dresses to achieve that effect. A woman may enjoy a man who is extremely intelligent. The list of secondary preferences is virtually infinite but limited within any given person. For example, a woman may prefer men with broad shoulders and a deep voice. That would probably preclude tall lanky tenors, which another woman may prefer.
Adolescents seek clues about sex and sexuality within their environment. The same experience may impact two teenagers entirely differently. One girl may find that she is strongly attracted to risk-taking “bad boys,” whereas her sister is turned off by that type. While these attractions manifest themselves in adolescence, they are a product of all three levels of the sexual map – genetic, epigenetic and cultural.
The drive to identify sexual cues in the environment is incredibly intense and susceptible to influence from events and experiences. Here are two stories, the first from a 28-year-old man named Charlie:
I was raised Catholic and, therefore, went through that whole shame cycle of being Catholic and gay. However, there was a third ingredient – I also had a fetish for seeing men burst balloons. Seriously!
It began as a phobia of balloons popping, but somehow during my adolescence it became something of a fetish. Much like a kid who was spanked over the knee of his father and later goes on to sexualize the act, I took that fear and turned it into something erotic – those guys who popped balloons for fun were so scary to me, but somehow incredibly sexy
.
Here’s a story from a 46-year-old man:
My brother and I liked to go through the trash of a local army surplus store. We often found all sorts of fun and interesting stuff. One day we hit the jackpot with a half dozen porn magazines. It wasn’t the first time we had found porn but definitely the best. We brought it home and secretly went through it. One magazine featured several bondage scenes. Those images just burned in my mind. I was so turned on by the idea of tying someone up I didn’t even think about having sex. Just the thought of tying a woman up turned me on. Years later, my brother and I were talking about “the good old days.” He and I can talk about anything. He has always been more adventurous about sex than I. To my surprisehe mentioned that magazine and how much it turned him on. And here is the mind-blowing thing, he was turned on by the idea of being tied up! He told me it had been a fantasy of his for decades. He liked the idea of a woman being in total control of him. Neither of us had ever thought about bondage before we saw that magazine. We discovered both of us had engaged in different bondage things over the intervening years
.
Secondary preferences often dictate what kind of sex is most stimulating and satisfying. Both sexes have secondary preferences that influence mate selection. An acquaintance of mine seemed to have a new girlfriend every six months or so. Over the course of five years, I noticed many of his girlfriends were amazingly similar in body type. When I met his mother, it all made sense: she was an older version of every woman he had dated.
Adolescents seek out sexual cues in their environment, learning what is and what is not attractive in their culture. If the culture tells boys that small feet or large breasts are attractive, that is what they will
A woman may be attracted to men with hair on their chest. A man may like women with a certain breast size. A woman may enjoy a man with asensuous mouth who can kiss well. A man may want a woman who acts seductively and dresses to achieve that effect. A woman may enjoy a man who is extremely intelligent. The list of secondary preferences is virtually infinite but limited within any given person. For example, a woman may prefer men with broad shoulders and a deep voice. That would probably preclude tall lanky tenors, which another woman may prefer.
Adolescents seek clues about sex and sexuality within their environment. The same experience may impact two teenagers entirely differently. One girl may find that she is strongly attracted to risk-taking “bad boys,” whereas her sister is turned off by that type. While these attractions manifest themselves in adolescence, they are a product of all three levels of the sexual map – genetic, epigenetic and cultural.
The drive to identify sexual cues in the environment is incredibly intense and susceptible to influence from events and experiences. Here are two stories, the first from a 28-year-old man named Charlie:
I was raised Catholic and, therefore, went through that whole shame cycle of being Catholic and gay. However, there was a third ingredient – I also had a fetish for seeing men burst balloons. Seriously!
It began as a phobia of balloons popping, but somehow during my adolescence it became something of a fetish. Much like a kid who was spanked over the knee of his father and later goes on to sexualize the act, I took that fear and turned it into something erotic – those guys who popped balloons for fun were so scary to me, but somehow incredibly sexy
.
Here’s a story from a 46-year-old man:
My brother and I liked to go through the trash of a local army surplus store. We often found all sorts of fun and interesting stuff. One day we hit the jackpot with a half dozen porn magazines. It wasn’t the first time we had found porn but definitely the best. We brought it home and secretly went through it. One magazine featured several bondage scenes. Those images just burned in my mind. I was so turned on by the idea of tying someone up I didn’t even think about having sex. Just the thought of tying a woman up turned me on. Years later, my brother and I were talking about “the good old days.” He and I can talk about anything. He has always been more adventurous about sex than I. To my surprisehe mentioned that magazine and how much it turned him on. And here is the mind-blowing thing, he was turned on by the idea of being tied up! He told me it had been a fantasy of his for decades. He liked the idea of a woman being in total control of him. Neither of us had ever thought about bondage before we saw that magazine. We discovered both of us had engaged in different bondage things over the intervening years
.
Secondary preferences often dictate what kind of sex is most stimulating and satisfying. Both sexes have secondary preferences that influence mate selection. An acquaintance of mine seemed to have a new girlfriend every six months or so. Over the course of five years, I noticed many of his girlfriends were amazingly similar in body type. When I met his mother, it all made sense: she was an older version of every woman he had dated.
Adolescents seek out sexual cues in their environment, learning what is and what is not attractive in their culture. If the culture tells boys that small feet or large breasts are attractive, that is what they will
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