knocking, you twit,’ Selby thought as he pounded even harder. ‘Come on, Spud. Open up!’
Selby knocked some more but there was still no response.
‘Oh, no,’ he thought. ‘What if Spud isn’t just sleeping? What if he’s completely unconscious? What if he’s d-d-d-d-dead?!’
Selby grabbed a rock and began pounding on the side of the
Spirit of Space.
Suddenly Spud moved.
‘Good, he’s alive,’ Selby thought as he bent down to pick up a bigger rock. ‘This should get his attention.’
Just then, the hatch opened a crack and when it did Selby grabbed it in both paws and flung it all the way open. Spud stared sleepily at Selby for a second and then let out a long scream.
‘Help! It’s a Martian!’ he cried. ‘I’m being attacked!’
Spud was about to slam the hatch when Selby leapt into the man’s lap.
‘I’m being boarded by aliens!’ Spud cried and then he fainted dead away.
‘What’s this about aliens? Spud, talk to us.’
‘He must be delirious, Bip’
someone else said.
‘He’s been out of air for too long’
Selby closed the hatch and turned on the air cylinder, filling the cabin.
‘This should revive him,’ he thought.
Selby took off Spud’s helmet and shook the man. Then he took the starter button from his collar.
‘I wish Spud would wake up and do his stuff with the starter button,’ he thought.
‘Is the dog inside, Spud
?’ a voice crackled.
‘You’d better get a move on. If you don’t blast off in five minutes you’ll have to wait for another three days and you don’t have enough air for another three days’
‘Did you hear that, Spud?’ Selby thought as he slapped the man lightly on the face. ‘If we don’t blast off straightaway we’re going to die!’
But Spud’s eyes stayed closed.
‘The man’s completely out of it,’ Selby thought. ‘I’m going to have to put in the new starter button myself — but how? I’ll have to get Mission Control to tell me how to do it. But if I do that I’m going to have to tell them that I’m a talking dog. And if I tell
them,
everyone in the whole wide world will know! I’ll never have a moment’s peace for the rest ofmy life. I’ll be studied by scientists. I’ll be chased by autograph hounds!’
‘Spud, we don’t have much time. Do you read me?’
‘No, no,’ Selby thought. ‘I can’t talk. But I have to.’ Suddenly a light came on in Selby’s head. ‘I’ve got it!’ he thought. ‘I’ll imitate Spud’s voice! It’s my only chance.’
Selby cleared his throat and then put on a deep astronaut voice.
‘This is Spud here,’ he said calmly. ‘I read you, Bip.’
‘Spud! You’re awake! This is a miracle!’
‘More than you know,’ Selby said. ‘The dog’s on board and I’m ready for take off. Could you tell me how to do the auto retro refit thingy to the hoosey whatsis?’
‘Come again, Spud?’
‘I’d be mighty obliged if you’d tell me how to change the starter button,’ Selby said.
‘Sure thing, Spud, but it’s right there in your manual.
‘
‘Forget the manual,’ Selby said. ‘Just tell me how to do it.’
‘Okay, okay. Step One: establish the situationallocale of the non-functional Digital Auto-Sequencing Commencer.
‘
‘Beg your pardon?’
‘Find the broken starter button.
‘
‘Right, found it,’ Selby said, seeing the starter button on the instrument panel. ‘Now what?’
‘Step Two: effect a manual extraction.
‘
‘Pull it out?’
‘Affirmative.’
Selby pulled the switch out and pressed the new one in its place.
‘Step Three
—’
‘Forget Step Three, I’ve already done it. Now what?’
‘You mean you’ve replaced it?’
‘Of course, you ninny! — I mean, check, Bip,’ Selby said. ‘Now, how do I take off? Come on, I’ve only got seconds left.’
‘Apply digital pressure.’
‘You want me to push the button, is that it, Bip?’
‘Affirmative.’
Selby pushed the button and there was a great noise as the rockets blasted
Selby knocked some more but there was still no response.
‘Oh, no,’ he thought. ‘What if Spud isn’t just sleeping? What if he’s completely unconscious? What if he’s d-d-d-d-dead?!’
Selby grabbed a rock and began pounding on the side of the
Spirit of Space.
Suddenly Spud moved.
‘Good, he’s alive,’ Selby thought as he bent down to pick up a bigger rock. ‘This should get his attention.’
Just then, the hatch opened a crack and when it did Selby grabbed it in both paws and flung it all the way open. Spud stared sleepily at Selby for a second and then let out a long scream.
‘Help! It’s a Martian!’ he cried. ‘I’m being attacked!’
Spud was about to slam the hatch when Selby leapt into the man’s lap.
‘I’m being boarded by aliens!’ Spud cried and then he fainted dead away.
‘What’s this about aliens? Spud, talk to us.’
‘He must be delirious, Bip’
someone else said.
‘He’s been out of air for too long’
Selby closed the hatch and turned on the air cylinder, filling the cabin.
‘This should revive him,’ he thought.
Selby took off Spud’s helmet and shook the man. Then he took the starter button from his collar.
‘I wish Spud would wake up and do his stuff with the starter button,’ he thought.
‘Is the dog inside, Spud
?’ a voice crackled.
‘You’d better get a move on. If you don’t blast off in five minutes you’ll have to wait for another three days and you don’t have enough air for another three days’
‘Did you hear that, Spud?’ Selby thought as he slapped the man lightly on the face. ‘If we don’t blast off straightaway we’re going to die!’
But Spud’s eyes stayed closed.
‘The man’s completely out of it,’ Selby thought. ‘I’m going to have to put in the new starter button myself — but how? I’ll have to get Mission Control to tell me how to do it. But if I do that I’m going to have to tell them that I’m a talking dog. And if I tell
them,
everyone in the whole wide world will know! I’ll never have a moment’s peace for the rest ofmy life. I’ll be studied by scientists. I’ll be chased by autograph hounds!’
‘Spud, we don’t have much time. Do you read me?’
‘No, no,’ Selby thought. ‘I can’t talk. But I have to.’ Suddenly a light came on in Selby’s head. ‘I’ve got it!’ he thought. ‘I’ll imitate Spud’s voice! It’s my only chance.’
Selby cleared his throat and then put on a deep astronaut voice.
‘This is Spud here,’ he said calmly. ‘I read you, Bip.’
‘Spud! You’re awake! This is a miracle!’
‘More than you know,’ Selby said. ‘The dog’s on board and I’m ready for take off. Could you tell me how to do the auto retro refit thingy to the hoosey whatsis?’
‘Come again, Spud?’
‘I’d be mighty obliged if you’d tell me how to change the starter button,’ Selby said.
‘Sure thing, Spud, but it’s right there in your manual.
‘
‘Forget the manual,’ Selby said. ‘Just tell me how to do it.’
‘Okay, okay. Step One: establish the situationallocale of the non-functional Digital Auto-Sequencing Commencer.
‘
‘Beg your pardon?’
‘Find the broken starter button.
‘
‘Right, found it,’ Selby said, seeing the starter button on the instrument panel. ‘Now what?’
‘Step Two: effect a manual extraction.
‘
‘Pull it out?’
‘Affirmative.’
Selby pulled the switch out and pressed the new one in its place.
‘Step Three
—’
‘Forget Step Three, I’ve already done it. Now what?’
‘You mean you’ve replaced it?’
‘Of course, you ninny! — I mean, check, Bip,’ Selby said. ‘Now, how do I take off? Come on, I’ve only got seconds left.’
‘Apply digital pressure.’
‘You want me to push the button, is that it, Bip?’
‘Affirmative.’
Selby pushed the button and there was a great noise as the rockets blasted
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