Chapter One
Blake
I’m distracted. Carrie’s still gone. There’s very little I can manage to focus on, but when George asks me how a man knows when he’s falling in love, I almost drop the tray of sausage rolls I’m taking out of the oven. I have to tell him I’ll think about it and we can talk when I’m done cooking. He nods and turns back to his video game. I look at the back of George’s head as he plays. I have no idea what to say.
I wonder what brought this up. It’s probably his crush on the girl at school. I wish he had asked Brenda this question; she’d have an amazing answer. No doubt, it would be one she prepared from the shelf she has on her bookcase dedicated to parenting.
My little guy has something on his mind and I need to step up and help. To be honest, love is the last thing I should be giving advice on. I know nothing about love, other than the irrefutable evidence it makes men do stupid things. Men like me act without thinking because of love, and we believe things that are just not realistic.
I did both—first with Neon, and then with Carrie. I wish I could take back my stupid decision to believe Neon back then. I wish that decision didn’t affect Carrie the way it did. And I wish logic had prevailed, but it didn’t. At least I can improve from this point forward. I need a chance; one tiny shot at saving the woman I love.
I get a bit of inspiration—it’s time to give George the straight goods.
“George,” I call out, “Pause that game for a second.” The kid is obedient. He turns to face me with his usual wide, unassuming eyes. “You know you’re in love when you think about her all the time, and when it’s more important for her to feel happy than it is for you.”
He seems to perk up, and I continue with a serious expression on my face, as if teaching an important lesson. “Here are a few examples of what you might do when you really care about a girl. First, you want to buy her cherry ice cream because it’s her favorite, even though you don’t really like it.” He nods seriously and seems to consider the gravity of this sacrifice.
“Second, if she falls, you help her up. And you don’t care that has mud on her dress. You still think she looks pretty. And you get her a towel to help clean it off if she wants one.”
He smiles, and I see he’s getting it. Or at least I hope what I’m saying is beginning to sink in. “Third, when other boys try and hold her hand in gym class, you’ll want to push them over. But you won’t, because you don’t fight if you don’t have to.”
The kid looks thoughtfully at me. I get the feeling he’s assessing whether his feelings are real or not. I want to say something more, but the phone rings. I turn off the oven and answer.
“Hello?”
“Anderson. Jacob here.” Her stern tone spells trouble.
“Hi Lieutenant. Good to hear from you. What can I do for you?”
“Detective I’m calling to advise you that Internal Affairs is proceeding with their investigation into your conduct on the Lee cases.” She sounds as though she’s reading from a script. “As you know. Internal Affairs focus on the conduct and behavior of police officers during periods of active duty. I’m calling to inform you of their request for you to attend an interview tomorrow. It’s at three in the afternoon. Be sure you’re on time when you come to the station.”
I pause for a second. This is probably as hard for her as it is for me. She took a risk and gave me a chance before. Now I’ve messed it all up.
“Thanks for letting me know, Lieutenant. I’ll be there.”
“Great. Thank you for your co-operation, Detective. I’m sure you have nothing to worry about.” Her tone of voice is more high-pitched at the end of her sentence; it’s her way of asking questions without actually asking them.
I’m worried, but I know I’m innocent. I try to give her some reassurance of that. “I’m confident the
Fuyumi Ono
Tailley (MC 6)
Robert Graysmith
Rich Restucci
Chris Fox
James Sallis
John Harris
Robin Jones Gunn
Linda Lael Miller
Nancy Springer