catch you both later."
I walked away and headed toward a cluster of tables at the front of campus. It wasn't far from the brick wall, but it was in the sun and away from people. Izzy and Selah were both gone by the time I sat down and looked back.
Twenty minutes later, she was back and standing by the brick wall. I willed her to come toward me and sit down at my table, but she didn't. She didn't even look at me.
I opened my book to study, but spent the next thirty minutes asking her questions and figuring her out. She was just too far away to respond. First period ended quicker than most and I watched as she packed her things and headed somewhere. I followed without following, but didn't see where she went.
The rest of the day ticked by, my attention only acknowledging the seconds.
***
Our signal of freedom resounded throughout the hallways, courtyards and cafeteria. Class was over. My moment had come.
Since I had rejected three different opportunities to hand off my letter to Nate, I would now be forced to give it to him at the end of the day, in front of everyone. I looked down at my newly purchased shoes and said goodbye. The white laces begged me to keep them.
The warm air shifted as a large cloud crept in front of the sun. I searched for Nathan in the shadows and saw him leaning against a tree by the locker room. Every single friend of his present for my public humiliation.
I kept my eyes down, focused on the black asphalt and tapped the white envelope against the palm of my hand as I headed toward him. My eyes flicked around at sea level, hoping to find Izzy. I checked my watch. He would be sitting on the bench by now, waiting for his mom.
Their voices grew louder and then quieted down as they became aware of me. I felt exposed as the breeze came—the clouds removing my cover.
My feet stopped, prohibiting me from moving any closer. I leaned down and tightened my laces, pulling on their strength to get me through this. The sun heated my neck as I looked up to see their circle parting and Nathan staring right at me. He carried a heavy smirk, but hid his fear behind dark sunglasses. My shoes choked my feet as I tied the laces in a knot and then stood.
"Nathan," I said, while pulling my head to the side, asking him to come talk to me outside his boxing ring.
"Took you long enough. Just hand it over to me, asshole," he replied.
I reached out and offered him the envelope, but there was an eight foot disparity of space.
"You're the one who punched me, Javi. Now, give me the damn letter." Nathan made no attempt to move, and the crowd around him began to chuckle and hoot. Elbows started to bump and people whispered their bets on who would make the first move. Wanting to end their fun and my misery, I swallowed hard and held my breath.
Four steps and the envelope grazed the front of his chest. I held it out for five seconds before letting it go and watching Nathan scramble to retrieve it. As I turned and walked away, I heard paper ripping and fits of laughter. I could feel the students behind me pointing—all fingers aimed at me.
I paused, breathing in and out before reacting. The breeze had come again and removed my sun, the air turning cold in the shade. My teeth melded together as I bit down and sealed my rage. Little bits of paper began to flutter around my shoulders and face as they spotted the blacktop with false snow.
False apologies.
False friendship.
Dozens upon dozens of eyes stared at me as the campus froze. I looked back down at my shoes and repeated Izzy's words. "You matter. You are important." My body relaxed and I took one step at a time and walked away. The birds chirped and I focused on the path in front of me, not the one of my past.
"Javi!" he shouted my name between their laughter and ruckus.
I kept walking, ignoring what I had the power to ignore.
"Javi!" he said once again, but I refused to turn around. No one moved or said a word as I passed them by. I kept my focus and refused to
I walked away and headed toward a cluster of tables at the front of campus. It wasn't far from the brick wall, but it was in the sun and away from people. Izzy and Selah were both gone by the time I sat down and looked back.
Twenty minutes later, she was back and standing by the brick wall. I willed her to come toward me and sit down at my table, but she didn't. She didn't even look at me.
I opened my book to study, but spent the next thirty minutes asking her questions and figuring her out. She was just too far away to respond. First period ended quicker than most and I watched as she packed her things and headed somewhere. I followed without following, but didn't see where she went.
The rest of the day ticked by, my attention only acknowledging the seconds.
***
Our signal of freedom resounded throughout the hallways, courtyards and cafeteria. Class was over. My moment had come.
Since I had rejected three different opportunities to hand off my letter to Nate, I would now be forced to give it to him at the end of the day, in front of everyone. I looked down at my newly purchased shoes and said goodbye. The white laces begged me to keep them.
The warm air shifted as a large cloud crept in front of the sun. I searched for Nathan in the shadows and saw him leaning against a tree by the locker room. Every single friend of his present for my public humiliation.
I kept my eyes down, focused on the black asphalt and tapped the white envelope against the palm of my hand as I headed toward him. My eyes flicked around at sea level, hoping to find Izzy. I checked my watch. He would be sitting on the bench by now, waiting for his mom.
Their voices grew louder and then quieted down as they became aware of me. I felt exposed as the breeze came—the clouds removing my cover.
My feet stopped, prohibiting me from moving any closer. I leaned down and tightened my laces, pulling on their strength to get me through this. The sun heated my neck as I looked up to see their circle parting and Nathan staring right at me. He carried a heavy smirk, but hid his fear behind dark sunglasses. My shoes choked my feet as I tied the laces in a knot and then stood.
"Nathan," I said, while pulling my head to the side, asking him to come talk to me outside his boxing ring.
"Took you long enough. Just hand it over to me, asshole," he replied.
I reached out and offered him the envelope, but there was an eight foot disparity of space.
"You're the one who punched me, Javi. Now, give me the damn letter." Nathan made no attempt to move, and the crowd around him began to chuckle and hoot. Elbows started to bump and people whispered their bets on who would make the first move. Wanting to end their fun and my misery, I swallowed hard and held my breath.
Four steps and the envelope grazed the front of his chest. I held it out for five seconds before letting it go and watching Nathan scramble to retrieve it. As I turned and walked away, I heard paper ripping and fits of laughter. I could feel the students behind me pointing—all fingers aimed at me.
I paused, breathing in and out before reacting. The breeze had come again and removed my sun, the air turning cold in the shade. My teeth melded together as I bit down and sealed my rage. Little bits of paper began to flutter around my shoulders and face as they spotted the blacktop with false snow.
False apologies.
False friendship.
Dozens upon dozens of eyes stared at me as the campus froze. I looked back down at my shoes and repeated Izzy's words. "You matter. You are important." My body relaxed and I took one step at a time and walked away. The birds chirped and I focused on the path in front of me, not the one of my past.
"Javi!" he shouted my name between their laughter and ruckus.
I kept walking, ignoring what I had the power to ignore.
"Javi!" he said once again, but I refused to turn around. No one moved or said a word as I passed them by. I kept my focus and refused to
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