panicked you so much, that you had to run all the way to LA? Aren’t you loving being in your home town?”
Taking a deep breath Suzy looked around the children’s hospital room. Smiling at the irony of her being in one of these rooms, with clowns painted on the walls, to glass jars filled with suckers for the “good” kids who came in for their appointment. First of all, she was a an adult sitting on an examine table in a hospital gown with ducks all over it. Secondly, there was a time in her life, when she walked into this room and was the authority…she was the doctor.
“I’m not stressed,” she lied. “I mean I had to help a child and ended up exposing him to my disease; but the doctors have taken exceptional care of him,” she explained quietly.
“I’m sorry about that,” Dr. Parks said solemnly. “I know you left your practice to protect your patients from exposure. But you have to know you did the right thing. I don’t believe you would have taken that risk, if you didn’t believe that child needed you.”
“I do. It’s harder to get over it when you live in such a small town.”
“I’m sure. How are Jade and Geri?” he asked.
“Jade is good, having a little trouble adjusting. But we will get through that, she’s a good girl. And Granny is trying to marry me off to my first love.”
“Not interested?”
“Well, not in the way I should be. How can I be?” she asked stunned that he would even think she should start a relationship.
“I don’t understand?” he asked looking confused.
“Well, how can I have a normal relationship? Fall in love, make a family with HIV? I don’t care how I feel about him, or maybe because of how I feel about him. I won’t risk his life,” she replied frustrated she kept having to explain what to her, seemed only like common sense.
“Dr. Stephenson, I am more than surprised at your point of view here. You know just as well as I do, the low risk level of you partner getting your illness if you are taking the proper precautions.”
She did know. Although she wanted to convince herself that she was keeping Jamie at bay for him, really it was for herself. She couldn’t hope, that was the last thing she needed. “I know…” She looked out through the window.
“Suzy, if you love him. Which from the look on your face, I believe that you do. Don’t deprive yourself, don’t banish yourself to exile. If he wants to be with you. Then give it a chance. I promise you these test results are not those of a sick woman.”
He was saying almost the exact same thing her grandmother had been saying.
Jamie’s declaration had been all she’d been able to think about. She wanted so much to have that life, have the dream. To be able to go back to that fork in the road and make a better choice but there was an old saying she truly believed. You can never go home again .
“I can hear your wheels turning,” Dr. Parks said laughing. “Listen, do me a favor. Go home, because you are not sick. You are tired, stressed, maybe even scared. But not sick. Go home, give him a chance, let your guard down. Give yourself a chance to be happy. Do you think you can do that?”
Suzy nodded in the affirmative, not sure, if she could. “I’ll try” she finally replied.
“Great. Now I hate to cut this short, but I have small people waiting for me and they are never really patient. It was so good to see you, my friend.”
“You too,” she said hugging him.
“Tell that grandmother of yours I said hello. I miss that spitfire.”
“I sure will,” she said as he closed the door behind him.
While she did feel elated, the news had been so good. She still had a feeling something bad was about to happen.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I t wasn't the old barn door that needed mending that was bothering Jamie. It wasn't the grease covering his hands, or his aching leg. Or the fact that he was starving, or knew that he was too tired to cook himself a meal after such a long day
Taking a deep breath Suzy looked around the children’s hospital room. Smiling at the irony of her being in one of these rooms, with clowns painted on the walls, to glass jars filled with suckers for the “good” kids who came in for their appointment. First of all, she was a an adult sitting on an examine table in a hospital gown with ducks all over it. Secondly, there was a time in her life, when she walked into this room and was the authority…she was the doctor.
“I’m not stressed,” she lied. “I mean I had to help a child and ended up exposing him to my disease; but the doctors have taken exceptional care of him,” she explained quietly.
“I’m sorry about that,” Dr. Parks said solemnly. “I know you left your practice to protect your patients from exposure. But you have to know you did the right thing. I don’t believe you would have taken that risk, if you didn’t believe that child needed you.”
“I do. It’s harder to get over it when you live in such a small town.”
“I’m sure. How are Jade and Geri?” he asked.
“Jade is good, having a little trouble adjusting. But we will get through that, she’s a good girl. And Granny is trying to marry me off to my first love.”
“Not interested?”
“Well, not in the way I should be. How can I be?” she asked stunned that he would even think she should start a relationship.
“I don’t understand?” he asked looking confused.
“Well, how can I have a normal relationship? Fall in love, make a family with HIV? I don’t care how I feel about him, or maybe because of how I feel about him. I won’t risk his life,” she replied frustrated she kept having to explain what to her, seemed only like common sense.
“Dr. Stephenson, I am more than surprised at your point of view here. You know just as well as I do, the low risk level of you partner getting your illness if you are taking the proper precautions.”
She did know. Although she wanted to convince herself that she was keeping Jamie at bay for him, really it was for herself. She couldn’t hope, that was the last thing she needed. “I know…” She looked out through the window.
“Suzy, if you love him. Which from the look on your face, I believe that you do. Don’t deprive yourself, don’t banish yourself to exile. If he wants to be with you. Then give it a chance. I promise you these test results are not those of a sick woman.”
He was saying almost the exact same thing her grandmother had been saying.
Jamie’s declaration had been all she’d been able to think about. She wanted so much to have that life, have the dream. To be able to go back to that fork in the road and make a better choice but there was an old saying she truly believed. You can never go home again .
“I can hear your wheels turning,” Dr. Parks said laughing. “Listen, do me a favor. Go home, because you are not sick. You are tired, stressed, maybe even scared. But not sick. Go home, give him a chance, let your guard down. Give yourself a chance to be happy. Do you think you can do that?”
Suzy nodded in the affirmative, not sure, if she could. “I’ll try” she finally replied.
“Great. Now I hate to cut this short, but I have small people waiting for me and they are never really patient. It was so good to see you, my friend.”
“You too,” she said hugging him.
“Tell that grandmother of yours I said hello. I miss that spitfire.”
“I sure will,” she said as he closed the door behind him.
While she did feel elated, the news had been so good. She still had a feeling something bad was about to happen.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I t wasn't the old barn door that needed mending that was bothering Jamie. It wasn't the grease covering his hands, or his aching leg. Or the fact that he was starving, or knew that he was too tired to cook himself a meal after such a long day
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