knees clenched.
He slid the condom on, ignoring me, then climbed onto the bed and kneeled before me, placing his hands on my knees.
“Do you want me to make you? We can play like that too, Cassie. Just say the word.”
This was making me wet
and
freaking me out. Did I want that? Did I want him to
make
me?
“Does this turn you on?” I whispered. “Ordering me around like this?”
“Sometimes.”
“I thought men in S.E.C.R.E.T. needed clear signals.”
“I’m not your fantasy man anymore, Cassie. I’m just a man, who wants to fuck you.”
He tugged my knees apart and collapsed over me, his hands on either side. His cock graced the nook between my thigh and pelvis, lying heavy against my skin. The dark bedroom cast shadows across his cheeks and chin. He wasbreathing heavily, his eyes traveling over my body. I reached up and moved the tips of my fingers across the light hair on his chest, his sternum, the back of my finger tracing up his neck, his chin, across his cheekbones. For some reason I wanted gentleness to contrast with his sudden aggression, but he took my wandering hand and placed it over my head the way you’d move a lever back into its place. There was a moment where I asked myself,
Should I let him fuck me like this? Should I let him restrain me and use me? Should I use him?
I said
yes
in my head, while using my knee to press him away from me in a complicated
no
.
“Too rough for you?” he asked, sounding almost … triumphant.
A surge of something (indignation?) rushed through me. “I actually don’t mind rough sometimes, Jesse.” I remembered Will’s spanking, the fun we’d had pushing each other’s buttons and limits. “It’s that you’re angry. That part I don’t like.”
He blinked a couple of times as though coming to consciousness. Then he rolled off me and collapsed on his back, an arm slung over his eyes.
“Sorry, Cass. I’ll take you home,” he muttered. “I gotta be somewhere anyway.”
I hoisted myself off the bed and began to gather my clothes. “Don’t bother. I’ll walk.”
“Cassie.” He reached to grab my arm. “Let me take you home. I’m being a fucking dick. I’m sorry. Really. We don’t have to—”
I jerked free of his grasp and began plucking my clothes from the floor and dressing with my back to him. I felt a strange power surge through me—a new sense of agency.
“You’re right, Jesse, we don’t have to fuck, because
I
decide whether we fuck or not. And
I
get to have the kind of sex
I
want. And what I
don’t
want is to just lie there and let someone fuck me the way I did with my ex-fucking-husband, waiting for it to be over!”
I was breathless. I turned to face Jesse and saw his expression registering shock but also awe.
“That’s what you feel this was?”
“No!”
I screamed. They were different men, Scott and Jesse, but this feeling was familiar. “No, it’s not the same. But you
are
being a dick.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Jesse looked up at me. “This might be inappropriate,” he whispered, “but you are very sexy when you’re like this, Cassie.”
Jesse reached for me like I was a cornered animal that might bite. He tugged loose the T-shirt I was holding, dropping it to the floor. Then he pulled me by my jeans, securing his hands on the top button, popping each one open, a warm smile spreading across his mouth. His cock was so hard it was like it had heard nothing of what was just said.
“I think you need to make amends to me,” I whispered.
“How about I start by kissing your pussy. Would that make it better?”
“Maybe,” I said, my hands going to my breasts. This man! One minute I wanted to slap him hard, the next I wanted to fuck him harder.
“Tell me what
you
want me to do. Use your words, Cassie, the ones I taught you,” he said, placing my foot on the bed next to his thigh, splaying me before him. He wet his lips.
“I want you to lick me, Jesse,” I said, my fingers in his hair.
“You want
He slid the condom on, ignoring me, then climbed onto the bed and kneeled before me, placing his hands on my knees.
“Do you want me to make you? We can play like that too, Cassie. Just say the word.”
This was making me wet
and
freaking me out. Did I want that? Did I want him to
make
me?
“Does this turn you on?” I whispered. “Ordering me around like this?”
“Sometimes.”
“I thought men in S.E.C.R.E.T. needed clear signals.”
“I’m not your fantasy man anymore, Cassie. I’m just a man, who wants to fuck you.”
He tugged my knees apart and collapsed over me, his hands on either side. His cock graced the nook between my thigh and pelvis, lying heavy against my skin. The dark bedroom cast shadows across his cheeks and chin. He wasbreathing heavily, his eyes traveling over my body. I reached up and moved the tips of my fingers across the light hair on his chest, his sternum, the back of my finger tracing up his neck, his chin, across his cheekbones. For some reason I wanted gentleness to contrast with his sudden aggression, but he took my wandering hand and placed it over my head the way you’d move a lever back into its place. There was a moment where I asked myself,
Should I let him fuck me like this? Should I let him restrain me and use me? Should I use him?
I said
yes
in my head, while using my knee to press him away from me in a complicated
no
.
“Too rough for you?” he asked, sounding almost … triumphant.
A surge of something (indignation?) rushed through me. “I actually don’t mind rough sometimes, Jesse.” I remembered Will’s spanking, the fun we’d had pushing each other’s buttons and limits. “It’s that you’re angry. That part I don’t like.”
He blinked a couple of times as though coming to consciousness. Then he rolled off me and collapsed on his back, an arm slung over his eyes.
“Sorry, Cass. I’ll take you home,” he muttered. “I gotta be somewhere anyway.”
I hoisted myself off the bed and began to gather my clothes. “Don’t bother. I’ll walk.”
“Cassie.” He reached to grab my arm. “Let me take you home. I’m being a fucking dick. I’m sorry. Really. We don’t have to—”
I jerked free of his grasp and began plucking my clothes from the floor and dressing with my back to him. I felt a strange power surge through me—a new sense of agency.
“You’re right, Jesse, we don’t have to fuck, because
I
decide whether we fuck or not. And
I
get to have the kind of sex
I
want. And what I
don’t
want is to just lie there and let someone fuck me the way I did with my ex-fucking-husband, waiting for it to be over!”
I was breathless. I turned to face Jesse and saw his expression registering shock but also awe.
“That’s what you feel this was?”
“No!”
I screamed. They were different men, Scott and Jesse, but this feeling was familiar. “No, it’s not the same. But you
are
being a dick.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Jesse looked up at me. “This might be inappropriate,” he whispered, “but you are very sexy when you’re like this, Cassie.”
Jesse reached for me like I was a cornered animal that might bite. He tugged loose the T-shirt I was holding, dropping it to the floor. Then he pulled me by my jeans, securing his hands on the top button, popping each one open, a warm smile spreading across his mouth. His cock was so hard it was like it had heard nothing of what was just said.
“I think you need to make amends to me,” I whispered.
“How about I start by kissing your pussy. Would that make it better?”
“Maybe,” I said, my hands going to my breasts. This man! One minute I wanted to slap him hard, the next I wanted to fuck him harder.
“Tell me what
you
want me to do. Use your words, Cassie, the ones I taught you,” he said, placing my foot on the bed next to his thigh, splaying me before him. He wet his lips.
“I want you to lick me, Jesse,” I said, my fingers in his hair.
“You want
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