the rest of me, and oh my freaking hell, I’m in love.
“I…I don’t want to scare him off,” I say slowly, and Paige squeals with my teensy confession. I sigh and turn toward her. “His little sister did say he loved me though,” I say, steering the conversation to Tyler and as if he fell first. It’s bogus, since I don’t know if he’s fallen at all.
“What?”
“She said Ariel and Prince Eric weren’t supposed to love each other but they did. Just like us.”
“How old is his sister?”
“Like six.”
“Going on sixteen.”
“And then Tyler told us about the feud. The reason why Trojans and Skyhawks can’t date.”
“Oh yeah. That girl football player love triangle.”
“How did you know?”
“How did you not know?” She pauses, playing with the corner of her pillowcase. “Kind of hits it close to home, huh?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, he’s a Trojan football player. You’re a Skyhawk—not a player but a fan. Your cousin is a Skyhawk player and if he finds out you’re with a Trojan he’ll—”
“He won’t do anything,” I say. “Sure, he’ll pitch a fit, but I think he’s got too much on his own plate to worry about whatever I’m doing.”
Paige gives me that look… the one that says “whatever” without her actually saying it. I stick my tongue out at her.
“I promise we’ll be careful. He won’t find out.”
***
When I get home, I start my normal routine: turn lights off, check on Josh, check on Mom. I send Brad a text to see if he’s crashing, and he says he’s okay tonight, so I lock the doors before heading upstairs.
Josh is sound asleep on his side, hands curled up to his face. I bend over and kiss his forehead. Tyler’s yellow hoodie peeks out from underneath the covers.
I want to stick my nose in it to see if I can still smell him on it. If that doesn’t say I’ve officially lost it, I don’t know what does. But I resist the urge and go check on Mom.
A sound from her room stops me from going in, so I press my ear against the door.
She’s crying.
Part of me wants to try to comfort and be there for her. The more cynical part thinks why should I ? She hasn’t been there for me once since this happened. I let those parts of me battle it out, hand hovering over the doorknob, wishing I could be the bigger person. But I can’t find it in my heart to forgive her. Not right now.
So even though it makes me feel like shit, I turn around and walk away from the sound of her tears.
By the time I get to my room, tucked beneath my sheets, my own tears glisten in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I’ve already had my minute of weakness today when I snapped at Paige. But hearing Mom cry… it makes me miss Dad. The way he used to tickle me when he tucked me in. The way he’d ask me at dinner how my day was and how he genuinely wanted to know. I couldn’t just tell him “fine” either. I’d have to tell him at least one new thing I learned and one good thing that happened that day.
I suck in a breath and stare at my ceiling.
“Okay Dad,” I say out loud, not sure if he hears me or if he’s just non-existent or if I’ve gone bat crazy. But it feels okay to say these things out loud. Good even.
“So, the new thing I learned today? The truth about the feud—which is crazy if you ask me. One good thing? Seeing Tyler’s smile. It always makes me feel happy. I think if it was a dark grey day, his smile could bring some light into it. And yep, I just admitted that to you, Dad. I’m not even embarrassed. Okay… maybe a little.”
I allow myself a small laugh before sinking down onto my bed and burying my face in my pillow. My heart breaks for me. It breaks for Mom. It shatters for Josh—that he has to grow up in this broken family. I don’t know if he’ll even remember what it used to be like. At least I’ll remember.
I’ll remember Dad and the fun all of us used to have. All he’ll know is a depressed Mom, a dead Dad, and a
“I…I don’t want to scare him off,” I say slowly, and Paige squeals with my teensy confession. I sigh and turn toward her. “His little sister did say he loved me though,” I say, steering the conversation to Tyler and as if he fell first. It’s bogus, since I don’t know if he’s fallen at all.
“What?”
“She said Ariel and Prince Eric weren’t supposed to love each other but they did. Just like us.”
“How old is his sister?”
“Like six.”
“Going on sixteen.”
“And then Tyler told us about the feud. The reason why Trojans and Skyhawks can’t date.”
“Oh yeah. That girl football player love triangle.”
“How did you know?”
“How did you not know?” She pauses, playing with the corner of her pillowcase. “Kind of hits it close to home, huh?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, he’s a Trojan football player. You’re a Skyhawk—not a player but a fan. Your cousin is a Skyhawk player and if he finds out you’re with a Trojan he’ll—”
“He won’t do anything,” I say. “Sure, he’ll pitch a fit, but I think he’s got too much on his own plate to worry about whatever I’m doing.”
Paige gives me that look… the one that says “whatever” without her actually saying it. I stick my tongue out at her.
“I promise we’ll be careful. He won’t find out.”
***
When I get home, I start my normal routine: turn lights off, check on Josh, check on Mom. I send Brad a text to see if he’s crashing, and he says he’s okay tonight, so I lock the doors before heading upstairs.
Josh is sound asleep on his side, hands curled up to his face. I bend over and kiss his forehead. Tyler’s yellow hoodie peeks out from underneath the covers.
I want to stick my nose in it to see if I can still smell him on it. If that doesn’t say I’ve officially lost it, I don’t know what does. But I resist the urge and go check on Mom.
A sound from her room stops me from going in, so I press my ear against the door.
She’s crying.
Part of me wants to try to comfort and be there for her. The more cynical part thinks why should I ? She hasn’t been there for me once since this happened. I let those parts of me battle it out, hand hovering over the doorknob, wishing I could be the bigger person. But I can’t find it in my heart to forgive her. Not right now.
So even though it makes me feel like shit, I turn around and walk away from the sound of her tears.
By the time I get to my room, tucked beneath my sheets, my own tears glisten in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I’ve already had my minute of weakness today when I snapped at Paige. But hearing Mom cry… it makes me miss Dad. The way he used to tickle me when he tucked me in. The way he’d ask me at dinner how my day was and how he genuinely wanted to know. I couldn’t just tell him “fine” either. I’d have to tell him at least one new thing I learned and one good thing that happened that day.
I suck in a breath and stare at my ceiling.
“Okay Dad,” I say out loud, not sure if he hears me or if he’s just non-existent or if I’ve gone bat crazy. But it feels okay to say these things out loud. Good even.
“So, the new thing I learned today? The truth about the feud—which is crazy if you ask me. One good thing? Seeing Tyler’s smile. It always makes me feel happy. I think if it was a dark grey day, his smile could bring some light into it. And yep, I just admitted that to you, Dad. I’m not even embarrassed. Okay… maybe a little.”
I allow myself a small laugh before sinking down onto my bed and burying my face in my pillow. My heart breaks for me. It breaks for Mom. It shatters for Josh—that he has to grow up in this broken family. I don’t know if he’ll even remember what it used to be like. At least I’ll remember.
I’ll remember Dad and the fun all of us used to have. All he’ll know is a depressed Mom, a dead Dad, and a
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