wondering if anyone could guess who the father was. I didn’t think so unless they were side by side, or I’d never chance it.
***
It was a four day holiday weekend and I was driving like I was crawling back into my home town. Bartie was asleep in the backseat after I had exhausted my entire knowledge of upbeat kids' songs during the six hour drive. I think I was a little hoarse, but I proudly thought my son had actually started humming along during small bits of my car recital.
My eyes darted like someone was going to pounce on me and my slow moving car and proclaim my worse secret to the entire town. I unclenched my shoulders and shook my head, trying to loosen up. I was being paranoid. The biggest problem facing me was springing a grandbaby on my mom that she had no clue about.
But my mom was always so busy I would bet she’d spend only a second over it, if that. Still, I really looked over her house as I pulled up to it, checking to make certain it was her car in the driveway.
She’d told me three months ago that she and my stepdad Murray, had split up over his bad finances. She’d said it like that too; as if they had been single and living together, and it wasn’t their married finances.
Mom had acted like she had no control over it. But whatever, of the two of them I liked Murray a little better, and his son, well—
“Don’t think about him,” I muttered, clenching my fingers on the steering wheel as I stop my car out front of my mom’s house. Just looking at that brick ranch house brought back memories I didn’t want to remember.
We can’t fight it. Maybe if we do it, it will take the crazy forbidden desire away.
I could still hear Beck’s deep voice saying that as we’d stood alone in the basement’s den of our house, which was now my mom’s house since she and Murray split. But he’d been wrong, because it hadn’t gone away. Not at all for me ... and it still hurt. I looked back at sleeping Bart. It hurt a lot.
Forcefully, I shrugged off the memories, because I had not come home for that. I’d had to leave that behind, and I wouldn’t admit out loud, even to myself that I still thought about Beck every damn day. But I wasn’t coming home for me; I was coming home for Bart. So I got out of my car and I went to get my baby.
Two minutes later, my mom screeched out of her opened front door. “A baby! How could you have a baby and I not know!”
I grimaced, looking around the neighborhood, thinking now they’d all know. But I knew it was a shock, so I told the lie I had planned.
“Mom, you were having trouble with Murray and I just couldn’t dump more on you.”
My mom surprised the heck out of me by shooting out the open front doorway to grab the baby from me. She held Bart up in front of her and cooed at him. My mouth fell open. My mom? She jiggled Bartie, and he laughed at her.
I decided I was on an alien planet, but then my world stalled with a cosmic heartbeat when my mom turned her head toward the inside of the house, and then she shouted, “Murray! You’re not going to believe this, but we have a grandbaby!”
I think my heartbeat might have stalled for a full second, but my mom was hauling Bart inside, holding him like a pro on her hip, while he tugged on her hair.
“Murray,” I gasped. “But I thought—”
“Murray!” mom shouted again, disappearing deeper into the house. “Come look at this!”
Oh, this was so bad; so, so bad.
Only one thing could make it worse, and then I heard it—
“You have a baby, Millie?” My stepbrother Beck’s deep voice came from the living room I was passing by.
I was very much not a wilting flower. There hadn’t ever been a time in my life where I had even felt faint, but suddenly the hallway started to spin and I couldn’t seem to breathe. I needed everything that was happening too quickly to go away, and I needed to be able to time travel backward, to before I drove up to my old house, so I could just
***
It was a four day holiday weekend and I was driving like I was crawling back into my home town. Bartie was asleep in the backseat after I had exhausted my entire knowledge of upbeat kids' songs during the six hour drive. I think I was a little hoarse, but I proudly thought my son had actually started humming along during small bits of my car recital.
My eyes darted like someone was going to pounce on me and my slow moving car and proclaim my worse secret to the entire town. I unclenched my shoulders and shook my head, trying to loosen up. I was being paranoid. The biggest problem facing me was springing a grandbaby on my mom that she had no clue about.
But my mom was always so busy I would bet she’d spend only a second over it, if that. Still, I really looked over her house as I pulled up to it, checking to make certain it was her car in the driveway.
She’d told me three months ago that she and my stepdad Murray, had split up over his bad finances. She’d said it like that too; as if they had been single and living together, and it wasn’t their married finances.
Mom had acted like she had no control over it. But whatever, of the two of them I liked Murray a little better, and his son, well—
“Don’t think about him,” I muttered, clenching my fingers on the steering wheel as I stop my car out front of my mom’s house. Just looking at that brick ranch house brought back memories I didn’t want to remember.
We can’t fight it. Maybe if we do it, it will take the crazy forbidden desire away.
I could still hear Beck’s deep voice saying that as we’d stood alone in the basement’s den of our house, which was now my mom’s house since she and Murray split. But he’d been wrong, because it hadn’t gone away. Not at all for me ... and it still hurt. I looked back at sleeping Bart. It hurt a lot.
Forcefully, I shrugged off the memories, because I had not come home for that. I’d had to leave that behind, and I wouldn’t admit out loud, even to myself that I still thought about Beck every damn day. But I wasn’t coming home for me; I was coming home for Bart. So I got out of my car and I went to get my baby.
Two minutes later, my mom screeched out of her opened front door. “A baby! How could you have a baby and I not know!”
I grimaced, looking around the neighborhood, thinking now they’d all know. But I knew it was a shock, so I told the lie I had planned.
“Mom, you were having trouble with Murray and I just couldn’t dump more on you.”
My mom surprised the heck out of me by shooting out the open front doorway to grab the baby from me. She held Bart up in front of her and cooed at him. My mouth fell open. My mom? She jiggled Bartie, and he laughed at her.
I decided I was on an alien planet, but then my world stalled with a cosmic heartbeat when my mom turned her head toward the inside of the house, and then she shouted, “Murray! You’re not going to believe this, but we have a grandbaby!”
I think my heartbeat might have stalled for a full second, but my mom was hauling Bart inside, holding him like a pro on her hip, while he tugged on her hair.
“Murray,” I gasped. “But I thought—”
“Murray!” mom shouted again, disappearing deeper into the house. “Come look at this!”
Oh, this was so bad; so, so bad.
Only one thing could make it worse, and then I heard it—
“You have a baby, Millie?” My stepbrother Beck’s deep voice came from the living room I was passing by.
I was very much not a wilting flower. There hadn’t ever been a time in my life where I had even felt faint, but suddenly the hallway started to spin and I couldn’t seem to breathe. I needed everything that was happening too quickly to go away, and I needed to be able to time travel backward, to before I drove up to my old house, so I could just
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