be a very long year, indeed.
Marcus Flutie.
Ahhhhhhhhhh. I said it again.
Cock-a-dooodle-dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
the fifth
Thanks to my new and improved messed-up schedulewhich now has one less gym, but one more study hallthe only period that comes close to resembling a real class is English with Havisham. (Damn. I mean Miss Haviland. Since I am well on my way to dying a virgin, I vow to make an effort not to make fun of her spinsterhood anymore.) A core of the normal honors group was still intact, but we were joined by at least a dozen other PHS students who had no business being there. Actually, we were the ones who had no business intruding on them , because according to the schedule, it was listed as a freshman basic-skills class and not senior AP. Whatever.
Haviland relished the opportunity to reach a wider and more varied audience than usual. Id barely had a chance to sit down before she climbed on her soapbox to deliver one of her famous orations. Specifically, her speech was about how whoever hacked into the schools computer system was obviously bright, yet our generation tends to use its brainpower for mischief, not good. Dont we see that our spoiled generation takes education for granted? That wisdom is your ticket around the world? That knowledge is power, and these lost days will have a devastating, long-lasting effect on our fragile teenage minds ?!
Im generally amused by Havilands acid flashbacks to her hippie protest days, but I was too distracted by the view to pay much attention. Haviland had finally abolished the alphabetical seating system, giving us the privilege of sitting wherever we wanted. And who should choose to sit right in front of me but Marcus, a development that, on principle, I refuse to waste any more words about. I just started writing his name again. I have to pace myself.
But who should choose to sit on the left diagonal in front of me but the new Honors Hottie, Nirvana. I thought it really couldnt get any better than that. I felt kind of bad for Nirvana, though. I mean, how many gyms and lunches were packed into his schedule? Furthermore, because this was our third year in a row with Haviland, she had dispensed with the usual back-to-school introductory garbage thats way boring to us veterans but would be essential for a newcomer. I thought that was rather insensitive of her. I made a note to go out of my way to introduce myself after class.
Im not a supporter of the militaristic zero-tolerance policies that are in vogue with school administrators right now, continued Haviland. But sometimes I worry that across-the-board punishment is the only way you people will develop a sense of responsibility or accountability for your actions. What do you all think about this?
Our class was surely thinking of how much we missed the days when all that was required of us on the first day of school were three paragraphs describing How I Spent My Summer Vacation.
I agree with you, Miss H, said Scotty. That zero-tolerance stuff is bullshit.
Why, Scott! I would be delighted if you elaborated.
Okay, Scotty elaborated. It sucks.
Mandawho was sitting behind himsqueezed his shoulders to celebrate her boyfriends profundity. While that exact line might settle some of Scottys fiercest locker-room debates, it wasnt going to pass muster with Haviland.
Why?
My ass got hazed when I was a freshman, he said. Now Im a senior. Im the captain, and its payback time.
Scotty paused, letting the significance sink like a cinder block in a swimming pool.
So zero tolerance sucks because I cant touch these freshman punks when they get out of line. I cant beat any sense into them, and its just not fair.
He leaned back into his chair and held up his palms so P.J. and the rest of Scottys disciples could high-five his brilliant contribution to the discussion. Scotty had successfully completed his transformation from jock to
Marcus Flutie.
Ahhhhhhhhhh. I said it again.
Cock-a-dooodle-dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
the fifth
Thanks to my new and improved messed-up schedulewhich now has one less gym, but one more study hallthe only period that comes close to resembling a real class is English with Havisham. (Damn. I mean Miss Haviland. Since I am well on my way to dying a virgin, I vow to make an effort not to make fun of her spinsterhood anymore.) A core of the normal honors group was still intact, but we were joined by at least a dozen other PHS students who had no business being there. Actually, we were the ones who had no business intruding on them , because according to the schedule, it was listed as a freshman basic-skills class and not senior AP. Whatever.
Haviland relished the opportunity to reach a wider and more varied audience than usual. Id barely had a chance to sit down before she climbed on her soapbox to deliver one of her famous orations. Specifically, her speech was about how whoever hacked into the schools computer system was obviously bright, yet our generation tends to use its brainpower for mischief, not good. Dont we see that our spoiled generation takes education for granted? That wisdom is your ticket around the world? That knowledge is power, and these lost days will have a devastating, long-lasting effect on our fragile teenage minds ?!
Im generally amused by Havilands acid flashbacks to her hippie protest days, but I was too distracted by the view to pay much attention. Haviland had finally abolished the alphabetical seating system, giving us the privilege of sitting wherever we wanted. And who should choose to sit right in front of me but Marcus, a development that, on principle, I refuse to waste any more words about. I just started writing his name again. I have to pace myself.
But who should choose to sit on the left diagonal in front of me but the new Honors Hottie, Nirvana. I thought it really couldnt get any better than that. I felt kind of bad for Nirvana, though. I mean, how many gyms and lunches were packed into his schedule? Furthermore, because this was our third year in a row with Haviland, she had dispensed with the usual back-to-school introductory garbage thats way boring to us veterans but would be essential for a newcomer. I thought that was rather insensitive of her. I made a note to go out of my way to introduce myself after class.
Im not a supporter of the militaristic zero-tolerance policies that are in vogue with school administrators right now, continued Haviland. But sometimes I worry that across-the-board punishment is the only way you people will develop a sense of responsibility or accountability for your actions. What do you all think about this?
Our class was surely thinking of how much we missed the days when all that was required of us on the first day of school were three paragraphs describing How I Spent My Summer Vacation.
I agree with you, Miss H, said Scotty. That zero-tolerance stuff is bullshit.
Why, Scott! I would be delighted if you elaborated.
Okay, Scotty elaborated. It sucks.
Mandawho was sitting behind himsqueezed his shoulders to celebrate her boyfriends profundity. While that exact line might settle some of Scottys fiercest locker-room debates, it wasnt going to pass muster with Haviland.
Why?
My ass got hazed when I was a freshman, he said. Now Im a senior. Im the captain, and its payback time.
Scotty paused, letting the significance sink like a cinder block in a swimming pool.
So zero tolerance sucks because I cant touch these freshman punks when they get out of line. I cant beat any sense into them, and its just not fair.
He leaned back into his chair and held up his palms so P.J. and the rest of Scottys disciples could high-five his brilliant contribution to the discussion. Scotty had successfully completed his transformation from jock to
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