yeah,’ she said. ‘You’ve got to keep your friends. Thank God for Facebook, eh?’
‘Shit, yeah.’
‘And I’m still close to loads of people in London. Add that to my mates in Germany and, Christ, if I had a tenner for everyone who’s tried to phone me this weekend I could pay my debt off and move back tomorrow! If only, eh?’
‘Yeah. Shit.’
It’s slightly disheartening to learn the one true love of your entire existence has kept in touch with every single person she’s ever met except you.
She asked to meet you tonight, I reminded myself. That has to mean something. Okay, maybe, but what?
‘They’ve all been with me through everything,’ Paula said. Lucky fucking them. ‘But, you know, they’re all so bloody successful. Chrissie’s opened her third salon and Steph is two starters and a decent kitchen porter away from a Michelin star. And here’s me, five years later, bankrupt and living at my feckin’ mum’s.’ She shook her head and finished her beer.
‘Yeah.’ It was all I had in me to say.
‘ That’sh why I asked you to meet me, Jim,’ Paula slurred, at which point I realised she’d obviously started drinking at lunch with Jill and Steph . ‘You understand me.’
True or not, I was never going to pass up a comment like that from Paula Fraser. ‘Yes, Paula. Yes I do.’
‘You understand ‘ cos you’re as big a feckin’ failure as me.’
Oh.
‘Well, you know,’ I said.
‘You understand what it’s like, being a total waste of space.’
‘Hey, I wouldn’t—’
‘I know, I know. I’m not a total waste, but it feels like that, sometimes.’ She smiled. ‘And I love that I can talk to you about it. Someone who knows how it feels.’
‘Yeah, anytime.’ She was drunk and vulnerable, I told myself. She didn’t know she was insulting me. She just needed to let it out, and she chose me. She felt comfortable admitting her weaknesses with me - that was the important thing.
‘You’re a star, Jim.’ Paula reached across the table and squeezed my hand. It was bliss. She sat back in her seat and blinked rapidly a few times. ‘God, I’m a bit pissed,’ she said. ‘I’d better make a move.’
‘Really?’ It was early and I was disappointed as she stood to leave. But, if she needed her bed she needed her bed. I was just glad I’d been able to cheer her up a bit, and delighted she didn’t seem so drunk she wouldn’t remember in the morning. ‘Fair enough,’ I said. ‘Get a decent sleep and stop worrying. I know what you’re going through.’
‘Aw, cheers, Jim.’ Paula leaned down and kissed my cheek. ‘Sleep’s off the agenda, unfortunately. Chrissie’s decided to have another party in my honour tonight. KT Tunstall’s going to be there, apparently. It was great to see you, thanks again. I’ll call you soon.’
‘Yeah. Bye.’
I’d have quite liked to meet KT Tunstall .
Chapter 12
Was Paula right, was I a waste of space? A failure?
These thoughts clogged my brain on the Tuesday morning as I rounded the corner of my parents’ street and, confident I was out of sight of the front room window, lit a cigarette.
I waited in the rain for ten minutes before the bus appeared.
Paula’s friends and family were right, she hadn’t failed. Okay, her business had gone under, but that didn’t make her a failure. It simply made her someone who wouldn’t make the same mistakes next time. I believe the term is life-lesson .
As I rode the 44 bus towards the first day of my exciting new career doing exactly the same thing in exactly the same place as I’d started my first not particularly exciting career, I pondered what lessons life had taught me. Beyond never pretend to stop smoking when you haven’t, I couldn’t think of any.
I knocked on the wooden door of The Basement at 9.30 on the dot, proud to be punctual. At 9.37, it was finally opened by a sleepy-looking Mark.
‘All right, mate,’ he said.
‘All right,’ I replied to his back as he
‘Shit, yeah.’
‘And I’m still close to loads of people in London. Add that to my mates in Germany and, Christ, if I had a tenner for everyone who’s tried to phone me this weekend I could pay my debt off and move back tomorrow! If only, eh?’
‘Yeah. Shit.’
It’s slightly disheartening to learn the one true love of your entire existence has kept in touch with every single person she’s ever met except you.
She asked to meet you tonight, I reminded myself. That has to mean something. Okay, maybe, but what?
‘They’ve all been with me through everything,’ Paula said. Lucky fucking them. ‘But, you know, they’re all so bloody successful. Chrissie’s opened her third salon and Steph is two starters and a decent kitchen porter away from a Michelin star. And here’s me, five years later, bankrupt and living at my feckin’ mum’s.’ She shook her head and finished her beer.
‘Yeah.’ It was all I had in me to say.
‘ That’sh why I asked you to meet me, Jim,’ Paula slurred, at which point I realised she’d obviously started drinking at lunch with Jill and Steph . ‘You understand me.’
True or not, I was never going to pass up a comment like that from Paula Fraser. ‘Yes, Paula. Yes I do.’
‘You understand ‘ cos you’re as big a feckin’ failure as me.’
Oh.
‘Well, you know,’ I said.
‘You understand what it’s like, being a total waste of space.’
‘Hey, I wouldn’t—’
‘I know, I know. I’m not a total waste, but it feels like that, sometimes.’ She smiled. ‘And I love that I can talk to you about it. Someone who knows how it feels.’
‘Yeah, anytime.’ She was drunk and vulnerable, I told myself. She didn’t know she was insulting me. She just needed to let it out, and she chose me. She felt comfortable admitting her weaknesses with me - that was the important thing.
‘You’re a star, Jim.’ Paula reached across the table and squeezed my hand. It was bliss. She sat back in her seat and blinked rapidly a few times. ‘God, I’m a bit pissed,’ she said. ‘I’d better make a move.’
‘Really?’ It was early and I was disappointed as she stood to leave. But, if she needed her bed she needed her bed. I was just glad I’d been able to cheer her up a bit, and delighted she didn’t seem so drunk she wouldn’t remember in the morning. ‘Fair enough,’ I said. ‘Get a decent sleep and stop worrying. I know what you’re going through.’
‘Aw, cheers, Jim.’ Paula leaned down and kissed my cheek. ‘Sleep’s off the agenda, unfortunately. Chrissie’s decided to have another party in my honour tonight. KT Tunstall’s going to be there, apparently. It was great to see you, thanks again. I’ll call you soon.’
‘Yeah. Bye.’
I’d have quite liked to meet KT Tunstall .
Chapter 12
Was Paula right, was I a waste of space? A failure?
These thoughts clogged my brain on the Tuesday morning as I rounded the corner of my parents’ street and, confident I was out of sight of the front room window, lit a cigarette.
I waited in the rain for ten minutes before the bus appeared.
Paula’s friends and family were right, she hadn’t failed. Okay, her business had gone under, but that didn’t make her a failure. It simply made her someone who wouldn’t make the same mistakes next time. I believe the term is life-lesson .
As I rode the 44 bus towards the first day of my exciting new career doing exactly the same thing in exactly the same place as I’d started my first not particularly exciting career, I pondered what lessons life had taught me. Beyond never pretend to stop smoking when you haven’t, I couldn’t think of any.
I knocked on the wooden door of The Basement at 9.30 on the dot, proud to be punctual. At 9.37, it was finally opened by a sleepy-looking Mark.
‘All right, mate,’ he said.
‘All right,’ I replied to his back as he
Similar Books
